A quick video for you [because it is fun]:
Girlfriend talked me into joining her on a three day detox journey with a new juicer.
Let me translate this to you: pray for me.
There, I got that out of the way.
Truly feels like I’m batting an average of 0% today, even with the crazy snow.
My stores were closed today; except for one. I traversed fifty miles in the storm to get to that store; it was a nightmare getting there [store was fine]. Couldn’t believe the other stores were closed; I mean, yes, it snowed, but it wasn’t 20″+ or anything stupid like that.
Gym closed before I got there. Screwed up that workout.
Missed a phone call for work due to the gym being closed. Now I only have tomorrow to get that phone call in.
Add that in with some dialogues I’ve had today on other assorted items and I’m just frustrated.
Yesterday I posted this concept about a wine shop in the city I live in.
I took a risk today; one of the organizations in this city is trying to kick-start development for the downtown area. Something I’m very interested in. Via Facebook I learned today that they need a public speaker on March 6th to present their concept to a local rotary club.
…I may have just volunteered…
One more puzzle piece.
It’s Monday. This is a fact.
I’ve logged 100 miles so far, and finished one store. Went to my second, in the heart of KC…
…it is already closed due to the impending storm.
Now what? That was my last store in Kansas City.
Now I’m traveling another 100 miles north to get to two other stores.
Total it looks like a twelve hour, three hundred mile day.
I thought up a unique concept for a business in the city that I live in. The reality is that this city; which is INSANELY OLD has so much potential in the development side, but just needs…something; you know?
Either way; I’ve thought up a new business [that I'm not going to do, but someone is free to work on].
A wine shop.
Most definitely in Missouri.
As it turns out; Missouri is huge on the wine industry [I hate the stuff personally]. Even within my lifetime I’ve seen over twenty new wineries/vineyards open up just in my region of the state. That’s some serious grape action.
Devise a unique building; placed in a downtown area. It strictly sells wine, not out of the box. In fact; it’s such as a specialty store that it isn’t just selling wine, it’s selling just wine that is made in Missouri. The store is broken into regions such as Ozark Highlands, Herrman, Augusta, Western, etc…
It doesn’t require a massive amount of square footage, but it requires the right demographics of customers. In the city I currently live in; that’d be a challenge. Though, it would go over well in an area such as the City Market in Kansas City, or even perhaps the Crossroads District.
I dream of something like that, a unique shop, forming within a revitalized downtown area of historic uniqueness and culture.
Anyways; that’s my two cents on a new business concept. This is what I do in my free time; construct new ideas within my mind.
Yes, I’m working on YouTube stuff. No, it isn’t professional. Yes, it is under twenty minutes.
It’s the weekend; as stated before, I’m working through the week, and that’s alright.
I’m just spending time lost in communication.
I’m still working on a “O” draft, but for now I just want to type a bit. I’m not tired, full of sleep, and have a wonderful evening planned with my girlfriend, MC, and Jim. however, the mind never stops, it’s a raging machine always looking for answers. My girlfriend, being ever-so-supportive is always telling me not to worry, don’t stress, “God will take care of it”, and I instantly notice how easy it is to preach to someone that God has it under control [not a shot at her, but in regards to myself] and yet when it comes time for you to show your faith, and let Him have control…it feels impossible.
We were eating breakfast at IHOP a few days ago, since everything else was closed in town due to the snow, and we were talking about stress, fears, and the unknown.
From the innocent, young adult side; the Kansas City Shock is one of the scariest things I’ve ever been a part of. It’s “faith 101″, you have to have it to survive. There is literally no guarantees with anything in this business; something is changing on a daily basis, and I’m always in fear of making the wrong move.
More notably I see what lies down the road, what’s “next” for our program and I know the requirements that need to be in place, but I’m not always sure how they’re going to come about. It’s a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling. Until you take a deep breath, step back, and watch some of the things that have transpired:
Most of that took place in a few days time span, and of course that’s only a tip of the iceberg.
This is where it becomes hard; you start to doubt, you fear you’re in the wrong direction, and then suddenly…out of nowhere, this presence takes over and shows you something that immediately just happened without you realizing. A nugget to just hold you over and keep you patient; like manna and quail.
I guess, even though I screw up, doubt, and don’t always rest easily; in the end I can only ask this…
…whom shall I fear?
Here’s how it works with my job [in order to obtain the coveted bonus]:
I have to have all of my stores completed by the 25th of each month. That’s it. That’s all I have to do.
Things tend to go pretty smoothly; until this month. I had a ‘spare’ day I could use in the event of an emergency this month, and work through the weekend and I’d be good to wrap up on the 25th.
Then the transmission went out on the Nissan; that cost me a day. No big deal, used my free day.
Then the snowstorm hit the next day; of which I was on the phone with my supervisor trying to figure out how I was going to get out of my parking lot at the apartment. It failed.
So, now I”m working through the weekend, I have extended days to get my stores done, and what do I learn about Monday?
Another snow storm.
I get it; this stuff happens, whatever, but seriously…why on the month with only 28 days? [we have to have stores finished for the corporate office at the end of the month, no exceptions].
I restarted my Tumblr account today.
The Tumblr account was created with one sole purpose: to lose weight.
The account was a accountable tool I used starting back in January of 2011. At that point in my life I was unemployed and 275 pounds. I didn’t work out, I didn’t run, and I didn’t eat well. Realistically, we can just say that I was a mess.
However, I grew tired of it. My pants wouldn’t fit, my shirts were too tight in the wrong areas, and even taking self portraits with a webcam was painful. I had become that person that I said I had never become.
So, starting at the end of January I started a year long program of destroying the weight, and I’ll be honest; it worked. By fall of last year, well after a full year had passed; I was down to 225. For my frame that is an ideal weight.
Since fall I’ve packed on some pounds; moving, gym memberships, apartments, pizza, donuts, and traveling all add up over time.
My girlfriend noticed and encouraged me to get active again, and not lose track of my personal goals. That’s what started up Tumblr today.
The thing about digital devices that you leave over time and come back to can be the skeletons that still remain in them. My Tumblr account has over thirty pages to it; that’s a lot of information dating all of the way back to January of 2011.
I was still married.
Foolishly tonight I went through some archive files on the account; noting the journey that I’ve had [similar to this site]. However, the more I read the more fearful I became.
Let’s remove the Shock from the image for a moment.
Let’s remove the apartment, the job, and the future.
Get it all out of the way.
Sometimes when I talk to individuals, media, etc…I take a few moments to review the journey I’ve been on since 2011, it’s been a crazy one for sure. However, as unique as it is, it’s something I never, ever want to even come remotely close to reliving ever again.
I still get scared of repeating the past. I still fear losing everything…again. I’m terrified of messing up, screwing up, and letting people down. I joke around that frequently I don’t sleep at night; it’s overrated. The real reason I don’t sleep at night is because I don’t want to relive the life I once had, I don’t want to remember June of 2011, I don’t want to remember September; I don’t care if it is all part of ‘who I am’, I don’t want it to be.
I’m not the owner of a premier women’s soccer team, and I’m not a corporate inspector for Subway. I’m an only child who screwed up big time a year and a half ago, and I’ve had to spend the past twenty months rebuilding everything about my life. This is why stress from the day-to-day can get to me, but doesn’t scare me away.
I’ve met isolation; I’ve lived with depression, and I’ve drank from the cup of hopelessness. These are my nightmares that I hope will forever stay locked away.