#getyourpraiseon


I run, and I run, and I run…
Waiting for a moment of change and excitement between broken miles…
It finally happened today.
After school, in my inbox, I found the results of an application that I had placed nearly two weeks ago…

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…since adopting running as a living joy five years ago, today I was accepted onto a running team, sponsored by a local running store.

It may seem trivial, but to me it’s another step towards future goals.

Personally, this is a monumental prayer answered. I’m not one to cast myself out in the public eye. My God is so good.

-D-

XXXI: Vanity or Salvation


I run.
Nearly every day now.
What started six years ago as a means to impress my now ex-wife, became a tool of divorce recovery, and now a method of worship for my soul.

It’s more though…

I, like many, hate looking in the mirror. Daily I question what Darco sees in me anyways. It’s hard to stomach the idea that you’re not an attractive person. It’s a sin of doubt that plagues the mind. It’s been one of mine since I was a child.

Recently I learned a fun project for myself to handle the temptation of doubt and humility. I would grow my hair and my beard crazy long, losing my face in the process. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want to see my shortcomings.

I’d run for weeks, months, watch what I eat, and any time spent in the gym was done with multiple layers of long sleeve clothing.

I made it hurt.

I never wanted Darco to regret marrying someone that wasn’t handsome, unique, or attractive. She deserved more, she deserves more.

This weekend I shaved and cleaned up to see the progress, and for once…truly once…I was surprised.

For the first time in my life, that I can recall, I can look in the mirror without the guilt.

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I know it isn’t perfect, but I hope it’s something for my wife. She deserves it.

-D-

XXXI: Hang Up & Talk


Growing up in a digital age, I can’t believe that even I’m to the point of disconnecting from our own, manmade cyber world.


Perhaps I’m the youngest one in this age,
The idea of hanging up, putting away the prepay
Unwinding fingertips crippled by chronic keyboards,
Typing away each final breath.

Maybe I’m alone,
This new advocacy for self-help in a digital plain,
Deleted, rewriting, and disconnecting ones image,
Easing away the physical pain

I ponder the amount of dates gone by,
Talking to him across tabletops,
Screens rolling past his vacant eyes,

How many times has he whispered to her,
In the midnights twilight,
Understanding she heard nothing,
Except the comedy routine from YouTube’s limelight

Twisted, dark deceptive life
Full of zeros and ones,
A binary cry,
Calculated cost of communication cut short,
We cut the cord,
But we never hung up

Curious cursors cruise across screens,
Imaging imaginary ideas,
Reality no longer desirable,
Photoshop, ragtag pieces of former cut, cropped, cropped tops,
Litter to the mind

Days erased and night now rotten,
Glassy eyed empty souls,
Twisted membranes of cellular display,
Underline the world lost,
The love forgotten.

Unplug the warped reality,
A cyber crime unwinding in the minds eye,
Take up a natural life,
Block out the screen,
Turn off the lie.

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


Numbers, numbers, numbers.

January hasn’t been the most exciting month. We work, cook, workout, and repeat. Why? Darco and u declared a set time period from Christmas to month’s end as a ‘no spend’ period. This is partially due to the six week period of no pay for teachers (Christmas Break), and partially for financial discipline.

Heading into our final week I reviewed our budget parameters on our trusty BillGuard app. Our fuel consumption is currently at 50% of our monthly budget, along with groceries. We’re near 60% for eating out of the house as well.

I would lie if I said not blowing money after Christmas is fun, but the hesitance to spend now greatly influences future financial opportunities.

It’s worth it. It’s definitely worth it.

-D-

XXXI: No Formula


I did not go to church today.

I sat in our living room; marveling at the beautiful, frozen landscape that had created itself over the night.

My wife did not go to church today.

She sat beside me, half asleep, taking in the warmth of solar radiation and a pristine paralysis that surrounded her.

We did not go to church today.

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Mobile Minutes: Fishing Poles & Boots


Where Darco and I live isn’t exactly country, but it isn’t exactly urban…

We live in a subdivision along a lake, but it’s three miles away from the closest town. Because of this, as I learned today, you get a little bit of everything.

Soccer mom’s with SUV’s are completely normal. Our borderline retired neighbor is an avid golfer and likes to keep his hair long. In many ways; it all makes sense for suburbia USA.

That was until today…

As I made mention; we live near a lake. The only ‘major’ lake in the metropolitan area. I can’t wait to wake up this summer to the noise of bass boats cruising the glassy water. Today though, after finishing my evening run, I was walking back to our house when the strangest things crossed my path…

Strangest person that is…

Right in front of me, coming out of a backyard of some random person, was a high school boy wearing cowboy boots, a tight fit hat, a book bag…and…a fishing pole.

He was pretending to cast it around the sidewalk while he traveled home. You could tell he had been out fishing after school.

It was an odd reality that set in; humorous of course, that where we live is much more modern to the experiences of Darco and myself. Every-so-often though, we get a reminder that we’re still just a cast away from the land of honky-tonks.

-D-