#getyourpraiseon


I run, and I run, and I run…
Waiting for a moment of change and excitement between broken miles…
It finally happened today.
After school, in my inbox, I found the results of an application that I had placed nearly two weeks ago…

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…since adopting running as a living joy five years ago, today I was accepted onto a running team, sponsored by a local running store.

It may seem trivial, but to me it’s another step towards future goals.

Personally, this is a monumental prayer answered. I’m not one to cast myself out in the public eye. My God is so good.

-D-

XXXI: Vanity or Salvation


I run.
Nearly every day now.
What started six years ago as a means to impress my now ex-wife, became a tool of divorce recovery, and now a method of worship for my soul.

It’s more though…

I, like many, hate looking in the mirror. Daily I question what Darco sees in me anyways. It’s hard to stomach the idea that you’re not an attractive person. It’s a sin of doubt that plagues the mind. It’s been one of mine since I was a child.

Recently I learned a fun project for myself to handle the temptation of doubt and humility. I would grow my hair and my beard crazy long, losing my face in the process. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want to see my shortcomings.

I’d run for weeks, months, watch what I eat, and any time spent in the gym was done with multiple layers of long sleeve clothing.

I made it hurt.

I never wanted Darco to regret marrying someone that wasn’t handsome, unique, or attractive. She deserved more, she deserves more.

This weekend I shaved and cleaned up to see the progress, and for once…truly once…I was surprised.

For the first time in my life, that I can recall, I can look in the mirror without the guilt.

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I know it isn’t perfect, but I hope it’s something for my wife. She deserves it.

-D-

XXXI: Hang Up & Talk


Growing up in a digital age, I can’t believe that even I’m to the point of disconnecting from our own, manmade cyber world.


Perhaps I’m the youngest one in this age,
The idea of hanging up, putting away the prepay
Unwinding fingertips crippled by chronic keyboards,
Typing away each final breath.

Maybe I’m alone,
This new advocacy for self-help in a digital plain,
Deleted, rewriting, and disconnecting ones image,
Easing away the physical pain

I ponder the amount of dates gone by,
Talking to him across tabletops,
Screens rolling past his vacant eyes,

How many times has he whispered to her,
In the midnights twilight,
Understanding she heard nothing,
Except the comedy routine from YouTube’s limelight

Twisted, dark deceptive life
Full of zeros and ones,
A binary cry,
Calculated cost of communication cut short,
We cut the cord,
But we never hung up

Curious cursors cruise across screens,
Imaging imaginary ideas,
Reality no longer desirable,
Photoshop, ragtag pieces of former cut, cropped, cropped tops,
Litter to the mind

Days erased and night now rotten,
Glassy eyed empty souls,
Twisted membranes of cellular display,
Underline the world lost,
The love forgotten.

Unplug the warped reality,
A cyber crime unwinding in the minds eye,
Take up a natural life,
Block out the screen,
Turn off the lie.

-D-

XXXI: Full Circle


I tried on several different occasions to record a video that demonstrates the current setting and situation that I’ve been in. However, between multiple cats, a malfunctioning phone, and well…time, I’ve come to the conclusion that the reality is, it’s better for me to write.

For those of you, the reader, who pop in and out of this site, you’ve known about my journey for the past four…going on five…years. It’s the sadly standard story of so many lives; lost, left, and praying for a second chance at life. Mine began with a divorce, financial collapse, and the utter helplessness and recognizing and accepting that I was all alone.

My, how the times have changed.

The point of this piece isn’t a recap as much as it’s an opportunity to demonstrate a dream coming true for myself: Continue reading