XXXI: Vanity or Salvation


I run.
Nearly every day now.
What started six years ago as a means to impress my now ex-wife, became a tool of divorce recovery, and now a method of worship for my soul.

It’s more though…

I, like many, hate looking in the mirror. Daily I question what Darco sees in me anyways. It’s hard to stomach the idea that you’re not an attractive person. It’s a sin of doubt that plagues the mind. It’s been one of mine since I was a child.

Recently I learned a fun project for myself to handle the temptation of doubt and humility. I would grow my hair and my beard crazy long, losing my face in the process. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want to see my shortcomings.

I’d run for weeks, months, watch what I eat, and any time spent in the gym was done with multiple layers of long sleeve clothing.

I made it hurt.

I never wanted Darco to regret marrying someone that wasn’t handsome, unique, or attractive. She deserved more, she deserves more.

This weekend I shaved and cleaned up to see the progress, and for once…truly once…I was surprised.

For the first time in my life, that I can recall, I can look in the mirror without the guilt.

image

image

I know it isn’t perfect, but I hope it’s something for my wife. She deserves it.

-D-

XXXI: Hang Up & Talk


Growing up in a digital age, I can’t believe that even I’m to the point of disconnecting from our own, manmade cyber world.


Perhaps I’m the youngest one in this age,
The idea of hanging up, putting away the prepay
Unwinding fingertips crippled by chronic keyboards,
Typing away each final breath.

Maybe I’m alone,
This new advocacy for self-help in a digital plain,
Deleted, rewriting, and disconnecting ones image,
Easing away the physical pain

I ponder the amount of dates gone by,
Talking to him across tabletops,
Screens rolling past his vacant eyes,

How many times has he whispered to her,
In the midnights twilight,
Understanding she heard nothing,
Except the comedy routine from YouTube’s limelight

Twisted, dark deceptive life
Full of zeros and ones,
A binary cry,
Calculated cost of communication cut short,
We cut the cord,
But we never hung up

Curious cursors cruise across screens,
Imaging imaginary ideas,
Reality no longer desirable,
Photoshop, ragtag pieces of former cut, cropped, cropped tops,
Litter to the mind

Days erased and night now rotten,
Glassy eyed empty souls,
Twisted membranes of cellular display,
Underline the world lost,
The love forgotten.

Unplug the warped reality,
A cyber crime unwinding in the minds eye,
Take up a natural life,
Block out the screen,
Turn off the lie.

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


Numbers, numbers, numbers.

January hasn’t been the most exciting month. We work, cook, workout, and repeat. Why? Darco and u declared a set time period from Christmas to month’s end as a ‘no spend’ period. This is partially due to the six week period of no pay for teachers (Christmas Break), and partially for financial discipline.

Heading into our final week I reviewed our budget parameters on our trusty BillGuard app. Our fuel consumption is currently at 50% of our monthly budget, along with groceries. We’re near 60% for eating out of the house as well.

I would lie if I said not blowing money after Christmas is fun, but the hesitance to spend now greatly influences future financial opportunities.

It’s worth it. It’s definitely worth it.

-D-

XXXI:#ClubDaugherty ’15


Happy New Year!

I was trolling through old posts and I started collecting the links to the past Christmas/New Years recap post that I’ve made over the years (a whopping two to be exact).

Needless to say, like Waffle House at midnight on Christmas Eve, some traditions just have to continue.

2015 for our family summed up:

Life. Altering.

Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Wild Hair


We’re just always prepared for one of your wild hairs…

I’ve come to the conclusion that prolonged breaks from school is rather dangerous. It calms the mind, calms the world, and at the same time stimulates the psyche and causes one to wonder, “What should I do next”?

This is what MC always warns me about; wild hairs. ‘Wild hairs’ in her country vocabulary (next to ‘crick’ and ‘worshington’) means that someone gets that itch to do something crazy out of nowhere. Jim, MC, and Darco have all grown weary of my ‘wild hairs’ as they’ve resulted in some strange events. Continue reading

XXXI: Dreams Are Made Of


Let’s talk about money.

Because what would a fun monologue be without such a joyful, uplifting topic (especially right after Christmas).

It’s been mentioned a few times throughout FilingThePapers.com that student debt, payday loans, and selling all my DVD’s have been either cursed or used in order to determine not sucess, but survival. Continue reading

XXXI: Full Circle


I tried on several different occasions to record a video that demonstrates the current setting and situation that I’ve been in. However, between multiple cats, a malfunctioning phone, and well…time, I’ve come to the conclusion that the reality is, it’s better for me to write.

For those of you, the reader, who pop in and out of this site, you’ve known about my journey for the past four…going on five…years. It’s the sadly standard story of so many lives; lost, left, and praying for a second chance at life. Mine began with a divorce, financial collapse, and the utter helplessness and recognizing and accepting that I was all alone.

My, how the times have changed.

The point of this piece isn’t a recap as much as it’s an opportunity to demonstrate a dream coming true for myself: Continue reading