Mobile Minutes: Breaking


I cried last night. While laying in bed this overwhelming sensation of guilt and failure rushed over me. The best thing I could do was hold Darco, whisper, “I’m sorry”, and hope to fall asleep.
It’s isn’t that I miss the job, it’s knowing what kind of bind my shortcoming has placed on our family…again. We learned that it may take up to six weeks for my substitute license to get renewed through DESE (Dept. of Elementary and Secondary Education), and of course that was a sensation of heartache that came through the family when we learned that.
Whether I liked my previous job or not really isn’t the question, it’s more about understanding that I failed. Again.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: New Pains


I finally hit the threshold of exhaustion today. I spent an hour running outside, followed by another hour in the gym. With the 94℉ heat you’d expect some tiring from being outside, but it was the elliptical at the gym that really caused me to question life.

I have no stride, and an elliptical is great for forcing you to have one. Near the twenty minute mark I was just moving to move. All my muscles were failing, sweat was pouring off my face, and I just kept repeating the same question:

Why am I running?

Only through exhaustion can I see a clear picture of dreams, desires, and prayers. Darco always asks me what I want to do that would be fun. My answer to her is the same as my daily prayer, I just want to run.
I want to fly down the track, and move with the breeze. I want to feel my legs firing in sync with a wild horse. I really have no clue my purpose for being placed on this earth, but this much I do know:

While I’m here, I’m going to keep running with my dreams.

image

Big thanks to ALO drink for always keeping the cramps away.

-D-

XXXI: Released


It was tiny.
Dainty.
Quaint.
Dark.

It held one bathroom, two bedrooms, a living room, and a kitchen/dining area. There was one window that peered above the bed, it nearly two feet tall and it was the only source of sunlight in the entire building. The carpet was thin, and was anchored directly the concrete slab that had been poured. The kitchen had a fake plastic cover along the floor, there was a partially operating air conditioning window unit that also doubled as a heater in the winter. All the rooms were covered in artificial wood paneling easily from the ’70’s area.

It was tiny.
Dainty.
Quaint.
Dark.

I never slept well during the night in this small living compartment. Most night I would spend online in the second bedroom that had been turned into an ‘office’. I’d work on applications for high school teaching positions, and randomly Skype individuals who were also up at that time at night. At the same time my wife at the time would sleep in the bedroom. I’d crawl into bed around 3:00 AM, and try to sleep through the distractions until she got up for the day (usually around 6:00 AM), and then I’d sleep until noon or 1:00 PM in the afternoon. My life revolved around that small apartment. I didn’t see sunlight very often for the first six months, and frequently slept on the couch.

It’s startling to believe that, that experience was nearly four years ago. I remember the sheer joy I felt the day I left that apartment for good, packed up with MC and Jim, I was released from a prison that I had created for myself.

I’m not really sure why I’m reflecting on the memory, aside from the fact that some of the medicine I’m taking for this recent bug has caused me to be extremely restless for about thirty minutes after ingesting the pill (who knew). Darco is quietly sleeping in our bedroom as she’ll be getting up around 4:00 AM to get ready for work, and I’ll head back in after finishing this and get a good nights rest prior to heading back to work tomorrow. I still probably won’t enter the track again until Friday, just one day in the real world again is enough to drain me, I’ve learned this from previous experiences.

Something about being sick causes you to reflect. I contribute that to the drugs and the insane amount of free time that you find yourself having in the middle of the afternoon, sweat pouring off your face, and wondering if the world is still moving without you. It’s one of the first times in quite some time that I’ve taken time to just reflect and overall compartmentalize life as I know it. As I frequently joke with Darco, I’ve already lived three lifetimes already, so that’s a lot of memories that have to be sorted through, compared, and analyzed.

I’m peering out my living room window, watching the night pass, as I write this. I think back to quick engagements, steady faith, marriage, and everything that’s accumulated to the point that brings us to now. Darco and I had a very, very unique conversation today; tying back into “XXXI”, and some of the goals that we’re striving for. From cooking at home to other more extreme discussions, we’ve had several of them as of lately. We’ve grown weary and tired of the town that we’re currently living in, I’m pushing myself harder each day physically, and life is just changing. I’m noticing in the realm of, “I want to do this, this, and this…” no longer appropriately describes my existence.

My life is less cluttered and more structured:
-Faith
-Family
-Work
-Running

That’s it. I’m no longer interested in obtaining five million different ideas, concepts, or creations. I love my job, I love getting lost in cyberspace, and I love producing results. I’m growing more and more in love with the church that Darco and I attend, we’re part of a weekly church planting group that meets on Thursday nights, and I can’t express how much of a blessing they’ve already been. MC and Jim continue to churn through their own lives, while ensuring that we survive ours as well. Jim was recently offered a full time job at a local school district, and that in itself brought a lot of ease to the family. Some days I firmly believe that Darco is a bigger blessing to me compared to myself with her. I learn something new about her each and every day, and how she isn’t afraid to try new things. Just because an individual lived a sheltered life, doesn’t mean that they fear adventure.

Finally, there’s something about those shoes. A pair of shorts, a pair of shoes, my sunglasses, and I”m good to go. Whether it’s a few miles, a mile, a time trial, sprints, or whatever the case may be…I’m not even close to perfect, but nothing feels greater compared to moving in stride with my soul.

Faith, family, work, and running…they’re all connected to one another. Each is required to ensure that the other remains. Those are all four things I was drastically missing inside that small apartment four years ago. They are all four things that I’ll forever cherish close to my heart.

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


Let the nerd-fest begin!

There are a few things, about this writer, that you should be aware of (as if you didn’t already know):

I dominated the entire bowl of ramen!

I dominated the entire bowl of ramen!

  • I thoroughly enjoy dropping the bass with EDM tracks…it’s just how I roll…
  • I watch way more anime  compared to any normal soul within a two hundred mile radius of my apartment
  • Darco still loves me

The true gift of the rice ball? The surprise in the middle!

The true gift of the rice ball? The surprise in the middle!

Tonight, for sheer entertainment, let’s look at the second point. Anime. Most times this word is used it is used incorrectly, or has some unknown strange attachment to it.

Anime really is just cartoons that have been created in Japan (primarily) that depict a wide range of cultural aspects of the community. From ‘slice of life’ moments such as high school, to sci-fi, to getting lost inside video games. Recently, I’ve come to thoroughly enjoy learning more about another culture by way of watching anime episodes, all of them are in Japanese, so I’m learning to love subtitles as well.

I could spend more time talking about this, but that’s for another day. One thing nearly all of these shows have in common is the style of food that is being consumed. It’s always rice balls and ramen, rice balls and ramen, and now your standard college instant ramen…like…hardcore ramen from ramen shops (they exist)!

Due to watching so much of this I decided to go hunting for a ramen shop in the city closest to us, and wouldn’t you know it…I FOUND ONE!

Darco and I, knowing nothing about the food, traveled to this ramen shop and had the time of our lives. Rice balls, fried pork cutlets, shaved ice, and ramen (mine was miso, hers was pork). It was a riot, and for me…hehe…it was just like the shows I watch! It’s fine to facepalm yourself and laugh while reading this, I openly embrace my random ‘nerdiness’.

On the one serious note associated with it, as I told Darco, it was a nice reminder that God continues to give me a burning passion for other cultures outside of my own. I tried food that I couldn’t pronounce, and didn’t use a fork once (I’m skilled like that). As with anything else, it always makes me wonder…what else is out there waiting to be discovered?

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


Confession:
I’m not a fan of the water. Primarily for two reasons:

A. I’m not huge into swimming, it just isn’t my thing. I can swim, but I’d much rather be on dry land.
B. I’m pasty, ghostly, inhumanly white. I’m borderline transparent. Meaning, the sun’s rays and my skin have never gotten along. Once, I didn’t even go to work because I couldn’t get a shirt on.

However, it only makes sense that I did wind up marrying someone who loves water, swimming, and the illustrious water park.

Today, I’d like to make the claim that as a husband I did something right. Per usual, along the land of Twitter, there was a contest to translate Verrückt into English. If you’re not familiar with why they’d want to know what Verrückt means, I’ll leave this fun video for you:

This would be the world’s tallest water slide located in our backyard. It’s part of the massive water park named Schlitterbahn in Kansas City, Kansas. Thankfully I was near my computer when I saw the tweet go live:

First to tell us what Verrückt means in English will get two passes to the park.

A few minutes later I was greeted with this tweet:

WINNER!

WINNER!

So, Darco can go to bed tonight knowing that I now have passes to take her to a water park this summer. Believe me, I don’t share these stories just to flaunt mad-tweeting skills, but because it’s fun to have a family. It’s fun to go home and say, “I won some tickets to water park” because I like seeing my wife smiling.

The list continues to grow…

-D-

P.S. There is no current indicator that we’ll be approaching that slide, but we’ll know more as the date moves closer.