XXXI: Every Step I Take


Every step I take,
I take in you,
You make move Jesus
Every breath I breathe,
I breathe in you,

The simple lines reverberate back memories of mission trips, summer camps, and when life was overall easier. Less facial hair, less stress, and an overall appreciation for simplicity…without even knowing it at the time. Even last night at my parents house I found a 31 page paper that I had typed out of spite towards one of my professors. Reading over the text I was humored at how naive I was at the time (and also how my grammar could be relatable to my sixth grade students). Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Saturday Seclusion


A day to sleep in…
A day to recover…
A day for bad news…

These are my Saturday’s in a nutshell. With my job going Monday through Friday, and Darco working Saturday mornings, the beginnings of the weekends have really opened up a bit. While I do spend some time cleaning, prepping, most of it frankly is spent lounging and relearning how to catch my breath from the week before. Sunday will be the day that I begin the preparation for the upcoming week. Sadly, sometimes Saturdays are also times to put out fires and try to establish control and balance to this life. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Tapped Out


It’s 7:00 PM.
I’m in bed.
It’s 7:00 PM.
Why am I in bed?

Equal parts:
-Headache (first time in months)
-Exhaustion (…just wiped out…)
-Experiment (training session switch up to the AM)

I’m not sick, I’m not getting sick, I’m just extremely worn out. I blame myself for getting the maximum of six hours of sleep per night this week. Obviously this can set the stage for this problem.

Not upset. Not cranky. Just completely wiped out, and because of how far behind I am in training I’m going to see if I can double up over Friday and Saturday sessions.

Here’s to motivation…and 4:00 AM…

-D-

XXXI: Wagon Falling


I’ve officially have fallen off the wagon.

I’m frustrated and tired while I write this tonight. I was supposed to go to the gym tonight. I did not. I was supposed to go to the gym last night. I did not. I’m supposed to have set goals over periods of time that I’m dedicate to. I do not. I’m struggling so much with mustering up the energy, motivation, and dedication to keep working on my body even though I can’t run.

I see through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and beyond all of the different runners the lives they live. Shoe contracts, random races, traveling, training, running, and pushing their bodies to the limit. Frankly, I’m struggling because I’m envious of them.

There, I said it. I’m dealing with jealousy because they’re living a life that I crave. I’m angered because I’m not living a life like that and I have no one to blame but myself and my lack of self-discipline. I have no problem admitting that I’ve fallen so, so short of my objectives, goals, and desires. Truth be told, I don’t want to just run races to run races. I want to win. I want to run crazy fast times. I want to push my body to its limits. Sure, this winter is already proving to be a great time for me to recover and recoup this annoying Achilles injury, but I still should be moving, lifting, eating right, refraining from eating wrong, chugging water, and avoiding bad foods.

Personally, I’m convinced that this doesn’t really matter to anyone else (if you’re anyone else I apologize that you’re reading this), and that is the beauty of running your own blog.

Sure, I could plot, plan, and attempt to execute some ‘master plan’ for ensuring success. However, the likelihood is that I’m going to fall, stumble, and trip. Additionally, I’m doing this on my own. There is no coach, no support, and honestly no words of motivation throughout the days. I’m learning that it’s hard to continue to motivate yourself without any audience. Perhaps my vantage point is incorrect, and I need to be reminded of why I’m supposed to do what I do, instead of focusing on who I’m doing it for.

I guess in the end I’ve just lost focus, lost my way, and need a bit of redirection.

Here’s to a new day tomorrow, and a new goal in the future.

-D-

XXXI: Between Chaos


*tap, tap, tap, tap…*

My feet keeping beat to an unknown theme. Collections of the weeks thoughts resonate throughout my being, as my physical state remains unmoved.

Place. Position. Theme. Existence.

A desire to understand purpose with each step. Yearning to establish cause and devotion.
Why am I here? Cycles moving through life, surrounding my being, but a path I’ve never touched.

Get out. Be free.

My soul silently pleads. Nerves throughout my mortal place awaken with fire, desperation ignites in my heart.

Take the chance. Make the move.

The only voices in my head command.

Rebel. Revolt. This is your innate being.

I’m caught between two worlds. Angels and demons, right and left, whisper their secrets about my life I don’t even know.

You’re designed to explore.
Your current life is beautiful.
Stay.
Go.
Stuck.
Free.

All the time a stoich presence tightens on my face. No one knows my internal being, no one knows that I’m constantly on the brink of revolution. The silent aura hides the balance of chaos and peace that streams through my blood.
To be unattached, a place where I no longer connect. I feel my strings getting tighter, strained when attached to this daily eternity.

*…tap, tap, tap, tap…*

The consistency overshadows the brewing plot, and hidden images hide the inner workings of a torn field…stuck in balance of warring realms.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Peacocks


Why is it that the male peacock flares out its plumes?

We were discussing adaptation in my last day of lecture in science today. Learning that species either adapt to survive…or die. It was during this class, third hour specifically, that a student raised their hand with a response. Continue reading