XXXI: Chaos Theory

Humans are officially one of the biggest, hottest messes to exist this side of the galaxy. This is what I’ve come to believe over the past week; namely taking cue from my own social existence.

It amazes me how drawn we are to conflict and chaos. Life can be peachy, we could be in a ‘honeymoon’ phase of reality, yet we’re not satisfied until we find a problem that needs a solution. Does anyone else understand what I’m referring to? Continue reading


I was sitting in the classroom. It had wooden floors, shotty desks, and several old text books. it was my ‘planning period’, which as a substitute meant that I would have a period in which i did…nothing. Halfway through my time of peace, on a calm, sunny day the phone inside the classroom rang. I answered it to find the principal on the other end…”This is your planning period, right? Would you be interested in coming into my office for a brief interview for a teaching position next year?”

That was four years ago… Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Reckless Daydreans

I’ll confess, I’m trying to be optimistic to a reckless level.

For so long, along with others I assume, my mindset has been something like…

This would be great if if happened. Granted, it probably won’t.

Such thought immediately limits what we allow God to do in our lives.

Within those lines, Christians could afford to be a bit more reckless with their lives.

At the moment, I no longer dream of a “better day”. Instead, I see it.

Darco will be promoted. I will get a classroom teaching position. We will finally get bills caught up, credit repaired, and relocated into the city. We’ll have a savings account that isn’t empty, and we’ll finally reduce our expenses on fuel. This isn’t some dream, this is the path that we’re on.

I pray that I can be a bit mormoree reckless with my faith.


Mobile Minutes: Midnight Musings

It’s almost midnight…

I’ve been thinking of new projects, ideas, and adventures in coming months. I think I’m going about it the wrong way. I get these desires to split my identity into multiple directions (running, marketing, writing, music, teaching, missions…), and what I’m watching is the fact that I’m diluting the most powerful branding image…


I don’t need a site for cooking, or a site for running, or a site for writing. I just need to be me. Readers decide if they’re going to understand my thought process all on one page, and it isn’t my responsibility to be apologetic about it, right?

Yes, I can write about marriage, running, and rave parties in the same blog because it all revolves around one element: my unique identity.

I suppose in some instances I’ve lost contact with the internal artist that creates the abstract that is my mind*.

Naturally, that all starts right here at


*Yuppiest thing I’ve ever said…

Mobile Minutes: Requests A Map

Given up…

These are the lies that I tell myself each and every day. This is my moment of honesty with you, the reader.

I’m +4 from moment of impact (four years past the divorce). I’ve grown more facial hair, lost more hair on my head, and discovered hair in my nose. This nearly defines the excitement of the years past. Recovering from a divorce isn’t easy, but it is possible. Incredibly, some memories really do begin to fade away. Sadly though, some scars never vanish. I still am hesitant about trusting a church with anything that’s closely associated with me, and I still struggle to maintain friendships. I’m still scared of the police and sudden noises nearly put me into a state of panic…every…time.

I’m still a mess. I’ve had highlights, but I’ve resigned from one job, fired from another, and absolutely ruinedy my own business.

Working with finances us difficult, and I’m still a poor example of a loving, leading husband. I live a life of wanting to run away from everything, and I still have no idea where I want to go.

Above all, I’m still terrified that God has forgotten about me, or…has given up on me. Sure, I know all the answers and truths that the Bible holds, but that doesn’t quench the fear that looms in my soul.

I battle jealousy every day, and I fail…nearly every day. I see people, families that are my age and I cringe at how messed up I am versus those who have it all sorted out. Part of me desires the squeaky clean, Jesus loving look of the modern, young family. Part of me cringe’s at the idea of that image. I’m in my late twenties and I’m completely lost. I’ve tried so many things, attempted many adventures, and in the year 2015 I can say that I still have no idea what I’m doing here.

I’m. Lost.


XXXI: Addict

Once upon a time, when I was much younger, naive, and frankly…dumb, I got involved in an event in high school that resulted in a threat of suspension. Another student had posted on their locker (this is circa 2004) a lengthy explanation of why they did not agree with our government being involved in Iraq. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Flats

Darco is woken up by her store, notifying her of a scheduling error…resulting in her heading to work for two hours this afternoon.
Phone call results in us falling behind in time to get to church.
The Mazda3 has hit the level of “epic” in regards to a flat tire.
Yep…it’s definitely Sunday.