XXXI: Running Fuel


What gets you around the track? To lift the weights? The go the distance?

Fuel.

Not just the physical food context, but the mental drive to overcome the shortcomings that our mind places before us.

What is your fuel?

I try to envision the future, I try to dream of the impossible, and keep my feet moving one step at a time. However, eventually I grow tired and I begin to reach for hidden cheats, the known pieces of life that can drive anyone beyond the pain threshold.

Anger, bitterness, hate.

Using negativity to fuel the drive to overcome will merely place your name among those who have failed to ascend above God, Himself.

I still hate. I’ve covered it up, masked it the best I could, but it still sits there. Knowing that I’ll explore that dark world when the miles begin to add. Broken promises, bad relationships, failed marriages, and manipulated moments…I’m still a broken man that struggles with hatred. It’s not just the context of being frustrated, it’s the dark area of the soul where you swear by things unknown that you will rise over those who ridiculed, yelled, and walked away.

Only God could accept a man still struggling with hatred. Only God would allow a man to run, knowing each mile he’ll have the option of fuel.

Will destiny, faith, and humility ever guide my way? Am I too broken to get past what’s been destroyed? Will the hatred ever go away?

I don’t know, I really don’t. Darco knows my demons, and demonstrates patience each time they’re brought up. I can only pray that this is an assistant coach training an athlete to become self disciplined in the soul, as he is to be on the track.

-D-

XXXI: Church Persona


I tend not to think of life in years as I do lifetimes. Currently, I’m on my third lifetime. I was watching some videos over at IAMSECOND, and one of the speakers brought up the point of not really understanding God’s grace until you release your church persona. It wasn’t until I heard that, that it really clicked with me.

In 2009 I was the model American Christian; I went to church, I knew scripture, I could maintain theological debates, I was in the right place. Two years following I gave up on the church image and walked away, hence the beginning of FilingThePapers.

Similar to the open road this has become my sanctuary, my reminder that God exists, that God is love, and that God cares about my repulsive, sinful soul. The rest of the world laughs at my mistakes, I personally tear myself down daily, but I can still wake up knowing God loves me for the flawed person I am. Continue reading

XXXI: Body Issues


I’m going to mark my spot for being in the .01% of the United States population. I have a very strong dislike towards a recent trending topic (besides Hobby Lobby), and over the week I’ve been trying to figure out how I should address it, how I should write, and what I really dislike so much.

After eating two hard boiled eggs, a container of pineapples, and leftovers from dinner last night I think I know where to start.

I cannot stand the ESPN Magazine: Body Issue Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: One More…


One more full day.
One more Monday.
One more 24 hour cycle.

Then, it gets real.

I’m overly excited about July 1, 2014. There’s a lot going on mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I can easily say that the next chapter of FilingThePapers has definitely had a considerate amount of prayer infused into its unique workings and structure. There’s just a cool element that’s never been taken into consideration through the growth of the writing content of this website, blog, personal journal, etc…

Who knows, perhaps to the reader it really won’t matter much. It may become a bit cliche for some, but that’s alright. In the beginning FilingThePapers was merely an illustration of the journey of divorce. The pain, frustration, and overall hopelessness that comes with it. It’s matured as the years have passed, and I’m grateful for that. I suppose where the first three chapters have focused strongly on the external world around me, and learning to adapt to an ever evolving environment; the fourth chapter is going deep into the internal workings of mind, body, and soul. The hard questions get asked, and more importantly, the limits will be pushed. Where the term self-discipline was mentioned in the past three chapters, it becomes a building block of the fourth.

I can’t sleep at the moment because I’ve drank WAY too much coffee this evening (Tornado Warning and all that fun stuff), and because I’m very, very excited about the upcoming adventure. I’ve never been a person to plot out the journey of life, to meditate, pray, and focus on God’s voice rather than my own. Just the honest truth, that’s what makes the fourth chapter so exciting.

Grabbing Darco's phone because mine was dead...

There was a Tornado Warning issued with this one.

It’s no longer solely about the life that I live, but instead aims at demonstrating a mission that God controls.

-D-

XO: Finally


I think this’ll most likely be the last “XO” post at http://www.filingthepapers.com. I can firmly able to say that I’m ready to see “XO” fade off into the sunset (or tragically burn in a fire…either really works).

FilingThePapers is finally clean again; the months entries have been organized for the most part. There are five days left until the next chapter is ready to launch, so please excuse if the site goes down, disappears, has spelling errors, or posts random photos of the “dark one”. Continue reading