XXXI: Church Persona


I tend not to think of life in years as I do lifetimes. Currently, I’m on my third lifetime. I was watching some videos over at IAMSECOND, and one of the speakers brought up the point of not really understanding God’s grace until you release your church persona. It wasn’t until I heard that, that it really clicked with me.

In 2009 I was the model American Christian; I went to church, I knew scripture, I could maintain theological debates, I was in the right place. Two years following I gave up on the church image and walked away, hence the beginning of FilingThePapers.

Similar to the open road this has become my sanctuary, my reminder that God exists, that God is love, and that God cares about my repulsive, sinful soul. The rest of the world laughs at my mistakes, I personally tear myself down daily, but I can still wake up knowing God loves me for the flawed person I am. Continue reading

XXXI: Body Issues


I’m going to mark my spot for being in the .01% of the United States population. I have a very strong dislike towards a recent trending topic (besides Hobby Lobby), and over the week I’ve been trying to figure out how I should address it, how I should write, and what I really dislike so much.

After eating two hard boiled eggs, a container of pineapples, and leftovers from dinner last night I think I know where to start.

I cannot stand the ESPN Magazine: Body Issue Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: One More…


One more full day.
One more Monday.
One more 24 hour cycle.

Then, it gets real.

I’m overly excited about July 1, 2014. There’s a lot going on mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I can easily say that the next chapter of FilingThePapers has definitely had a considerate amount of prayer infused into its unique workings and structure. There’s just a cool element that’s never been taken into consideration through the growth of the writing content of this website, blog, personal journal, etc…

Who knows, perhaps to the reader it really won’t matter much. It may become a bit cliche for some, but that’s alright. In the beginning FilingThePapers was merely an illustration of the journey of divorce. The pain, frustration, and overall hopelessness that comes with it. It’s matured as the years have passed, and I’m grateful for that. I suppose where the first three chapters have focused strongly on the external world around me, and learning to adapt to an ever evolving environment; the fourth chapter is going deep into the internal workings of mind, body, and soul. The hard questions get asked, and more importantly, the limits will be pushed. Where the term self-discipline was mentioned in the past three chapters, it becomes a building block of the fourth.

I can’t sleep at the moment because I’ve drank WAY too much coffee this evening (Tornado Warning and all that fun stuff), and because I’m very, very excited about the upcoming adventure. I’ve never been a person to plot out the journey of life, to meditate, pray, and focus on God’s voice rather than my own. Just the honest truth, that’s what makes the fourth chapter so exciting.

Grabbing Darco's phone because mine was dead...

There was a Tornado Warning issued with this one.

It’s no longer solely about the life that I live, but instead aims at demonstrating a mission that God controls.

-D-

XO: Finally


I think this’ll most likely be the last “XO” post at http://www.filingthepapers.com. I can firmly able to say that I’m ready to see “XO” fade off into the sunset (or tragically burn in a fire…either really works).

FilingThePapers is finally clean again; the months entries have been organized for the most part. There are five days left until the next chapter is ready to launch, so please excuse if the site goes down, disappears, has spelling errors, or posts random photos of the “dark one”. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Changing of the Guard


Late night posts are always the best [though no one ever sees them].

After much debate, prayer, and guidance I’m pleased to announce that “XO” will be drawing to a close in June. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Battles & Wars


The battle may be the lost, but the war isn’t over…
-Some Famous Guy & My High School Social Studies Teacher-

Today was a troublesome day, there are hints of events today that have mirrored events from three years ago. There has been a battle going on, and today I’m facing the reality that the battle is lost.

I can’t go into the details at the moment due to legal reasoning, but after a long, peaceful conversation with Darco, and meditating on what God wants us to do, we’ve made some sad, hard choices in the past twenty four hours. I’m a firm believer that it’s for the best of everyone, and that we will grow from it, but immediate injuries, while they do eventually heal, are hard to handle. Currently I’m struggling to handle that reality.

To keep life fresh, Darco and I have embarked on a new journey of the sorts [more on a later date] while cleaning up the final mess of the past year. Sadly, regrettably, much like the divorce; enemies have been made and the true character of individuals has been shown. The temptation is to gossip, create chaos, and attempt to ruin the reputation of a few, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

Incredibly I find myself in the same position while trying to figure out what to think of my now ex-wife. In the end it just came down to the choice of forgiving and moving on, or stewing in anger for years to come. While not easy [or always perfect], the first choice helped out life greatly, looking back. Knowing that spurns me to make the same choice again. Just to forgive and move on. Why should a Christian fight a Christian? What’s the point? Aside from driving people away from God? I say this with humility, and not even with an ounce of pride [if any was left], I’m fine with turning the other cheek.

I’ll tell you why…

Because while I find problems, sorrow, grief, and other problems on a daily basis; I know two absolute truths:
-God still loves me, and hasn’t given up on me.
-I have a beautiful wife waiting for me when I get home.

That second reason [which correlates to the first] is enough inspiration to walk away from any fight. The world is a scary place, and people are mean to each other, but knowing that there is one person on this earth that wants to see your face, that once to hold your hand, and wants to walk through the purifying fires of life, that’s enough for me to tune out the rest of the world.

I guess when it’s all said and done; deeds are finished and papers are signed; I’m facing a moment where I’ve lost a battle, but when I see my wife’s face in the evening…

…I’ve already won the war.

-D-