XXXI: Running Out


Another step.
Another minute.
Another goal.
Another mile.
Another dream.

I’ve been considering giving up the ambition of running. I haven’t hit a wall, I haven’t been dealt too many injuries, and I’m not really on the verge of burning out.

I’m just tired of being my own fuel. Continue reading

XXXI: 4 years, 37000 views, and many lifetimes later


I can hear my wife sleeping. She’s been asleep for nearly three hours now. Six hours ago she arrived back into the United States from her first international mission trip. As you could imagine, she’s rather tired. I’ve checked on her a few times, but she’s just sprawled out on the bed, soaking up the air conditioning, and peacefully asleep.

Not too bad for four years of reliving life.

It dawned on me a few days ago that I had passed the yearly anniversary of the founding of FilingThePapers. As much as I hate cliches, life really does fly by when you’re having fun. I went ahead and popped back to this time in 2011. On this day; I had began the process of collecting my belongings down south and awaited my new life up here. Honestly, I could have never predicted the life that was waiting for me. I’ve made business, failed business, hired, and fired. I’ve had bills caught up, and I’ve ran the risk of having my electricity shut off. I was single, I was alone, and I was angry for so long. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: #Sike15 Part I


What do you hope to get out of this week?

Those were the words, three hours in, that I heard being asked in my direction. Heading to far, south Missouri what was my intent? My purpose?

Riding with a member from our house church group, I tried my best to swallow my pride and be honest.

I want to find my love again.

It was the first time to anyone in our group that I had openly spoken about my divorce. It’s this hidden guilt that I don’t want to acknowledge for fear of being rejected, but in the moment of this question it was needed. I spoke of my love for mission work, it’s the one thing within the church that I’ve always enjoyed. Because it was so close to my heart, it’s what took the biggest hit when I became divorced. I was convinced that I was on the disabled list for good. “God can’t use blemishes to do cool stuff like missions…”, I’d mumble to myself.

image

There's fans! And air conditioning in our dorm!

My personal prayer is that humility during this mission trip, with this close group, can heal…spiritually…in an area that I 100% desire to be back alive. It’s a short, calm, safe trip so the environment is ideal. My hope is that as time progresses I can work up to where I once was.

You just watch, Darco isn’t afraid of international travel.

-D-

XXXI: Scarlet


i’d make the rough assumption that many protestant churches, at least once a year, cover the topic of adultery; as illustrated throughout the Bible. Namely, most notable in the Old Testament with the Ten Commandments, and along with the ammunition that is frequently utilized (and used for overkill) when tackling divorce, homosexuality, and everything else that a church member isn’t “guilty” of out the New Testament.

Am I close?

Pardon the rough tongue-in-cheek exasperation of thought, but last Sunday our church also did our yearly uncomfortable deed of covering the same topic. I knew it was coming, and I had hoped that something would come up that Sunday that would prevent me from arriving at church during the sermon. I’m only being honest with thought. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: On Its Way


I still remember the time like it was a ‘flashbulb memory’…

Alone, around 3:30 AM, I sat in the office inside the underground apartment that I had called home for nearly six months. I didn’t have a job, and throughout the night to combat the lacking of sleepiness (because I was doing nothing with my life), I would fill out teaching applications.

  1. Log on to the site that had all school teaching positions open
  2. Locate schools that were looking for social studies teachers
  3. Access their website
  4. Print off their application
  5. Start typing

I lost count at 92 applications. My wife had already given up on me teaching, I had started to work at Subway, and every-so-often I would go and substitute teach at a local school. I’d hear teachers comment on openings, wondering if I was applying, and it was the same dog-and-pony trick every week.

It wears on an individual to want to teach, but to never be qualified for a school. By qualified I mean that I didn’t know the right people. I’d given up on coaching, my own room, stability, all of it…and that was before the divorce.

I only paint this rather strange picture, because five years later in my living room I clicked “submit” all over again. Now, Facebook is an IPO, Twitter exists, and my phone can easily replace a desktop computer. Even stranger, I didn’t just send in an application off a whim, I was ‘encouraged’ by individuals at school today to follow the protocol and submit an application.

Yes, you read that correctly, after two and a half years I just submitted an official application to teach in the school I’ve been in and out of for the past several semesters.

I’m nervous. I’m anxious. I’m so excited.

Praying that this one will be right…

-D-