Tag Archives: Divorce

May 8, 2013

O: Unspeakable

By D

I’m just in awe.

I mean…mind being blown doesn’t even describe.

I’ve been searching for words for this post most of the day. The home opener for the Kansas City Shock is May 25th, 2013 at Kansas City Kansas Community College. There have been several bumps along the way, especially as of late, but in the past week…God is just doing something…amazing. Something only He can do. The nice part about my life is being able to sit back and knowingly not be able to take credit for what is taking place. From sponsors, to airfare for players, to practice fields, to things that I never even dreamed up…this week has been incredible. Unbelievable I even had someone tell me, “We’d like to work with you, because we believe God is doing great things in your program.” I mean…wow…mission field? Found!

As I stare out the window this evening, watching the lightning flash all around it is the most comforting feeling in the world to know you’re exactly where God wants you to be. There’s no denying, no describing it, you just know…and it never gets old. I think God almost enjoys thinking, “Alright, he is waking up. What can I do today that’ll just blow him away?” I’m pretty sure that’s how He works, and He gets a kick out of it too.

The Kansas City Shock is rocking and it’s been a blast. Honestly, today was one of those days that I even forgot the concept of how or why this website was ever created. Unfortunately, that realization was short lived this evening. My girlfriend is known to wander throughout the Facebook world [no, none of us are safe], and had looked up my ex-wife. Now, due to the restraining order from a few years ago, I stay out of it and away from any of it. That, and really, I don’t care. However, as my girlfriend said tonight, “I was just curious on getting an idea of who you were before we met” [she's curious like that]. Repeatedly I had asked her to stay off my ex-wife’s Facebook page, but I quickly learned that if she wasn’t sharing information with me [that I didn't want to know], other people around me were doing so instead.

She beat everyone else to the punch tonight. There we were, heading to dinner after church, she had brought up the Facebook page. That turned into an argument, she left it alone, and then she started crying. Now, my girlfriend, as special as she is…is not a crier. That’s not her style, so this had me confused.

She had a seizure. I just feel really, really bad for her.

That was the only phrase that could come out of her mouth while traveling down the interstate. My ex-wife’s mother has had a neurological disorder for some time, resulting in seizures and even a few strokes…at a very young age. I’m speculating, but it sounds as if that neurological issue has been passed down. My girlfriend went on to explain that it happened in the school lunchroom where she taught. From the education background, I can’t imagine how fearful that must have been for everyone.

The car was quite while I mulled over this information, trying to think about my reaction to this news, and that’s when I blurted it out:

I. Don’t. Care.

Harsh words, and sadly I meant them. I didn’t care. The anger and bitterness from years past came flaming back into life as I went on a small fit asking if she cared that I was homeless, if she cared that I was broke, broken, and worthless, if she cared that I was absolutely nothing. Frankly, they were the childish rants expected from a bitter individual [though not necessarily Christ-based]. We remained silent until pulling into IHOP. Hoping to drown the thoughts in the most awful tasting iced coffee I’ve ever had, my girlfriend and I talked about every other topic under the sun…myself trying to ignore the knowledge that I had gained in the past hour.

Finally, after the evening was over, working some business angels and watching the storm roll in; I just sat, quietly. Trying to understand my stance, my anger, and bitterness. How could I rationalize it? Why would I rationalize it? I have the right to be angry right? I have the right to harshly and unfairly think “that’s what you get”, right? With the falling rain I was remembered of the phrase that started it all.

Dare to be different. Shock the world.

If I allowed myself the pleasure of enjoying the heartfelt struggles of those who passed me by to my own demise, how is that being different from our societies standards? How is that different from our cultural norms? It isn’t, and if it isn’t different from the standards of the world then it isn’t within the realm of what God expects from me as a loving, Christ-centered, individual. Jesus, no matter the person, would never act in such brash, boastful ways. What would dare make me think I was better then Christ?

I claim it as human pride, a serious error on my behalf, but I’m still upset about being hung out to dry. I’m upset with being abandoned and condemned. It’s a hard pill to swallow. However, that doesn’t allow me to view a hurting person in any different light then compassion that is expected.

So, though this information and these thoughts go in places that I’ll never understand; it’s worth noting that while I’m still conflicted with bitterness. My heart still aches for her, her family, and yes…her husband. I can’t imagine the fear, the heartache, and the unknown that they all must be encountering. I’m not sure if God counts it, but while I still struggle, somewhere in the rolling thunder tonight I’m still praying for my ex-wife’s recovery and healing.

-D-

 

 

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May 1, 2013

Mobile Minutes: Archives

By D

I got lost in the archive files from 2011 [though I should be asleep].

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book that required you to look away from the device to realize that it isn’t real?

I just witnessed that with my own personal history on this site.

-D-

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April 23, 2013

O: Bells

By D

I always enjoy going back into the archives to see what I was thinking a year ago; entertainingly it is actually the same exact thing as tonight:

Restless.

I’m not 100% sure, but sleep isn’t coming to me very easily tonight. I’ve off on my monthly trip to the middle of…nothing, and I should be asleep, getting prepared for a fascinating day tomorrow. However, the physical tiring just isn’t there yet.

From the very beginning of this site; I made it clear that I would always be 100% honest and transparent with the audience [you, the reader] in times of positive and negative. For example; though I brushed off what went on last week; truth is…I haven’t slept well since last Sunday. No clue why, but even though I wasn’t directly involved or near the events that transpired, just knowing where I was supposed to be, how the scenario could have played out, and by the emotional state of those who are close to me…it actually shook me up. Maybe I’m just getting older, but realistically I was scared until I was back into my apartment back home. That’s the honesty that I’m aiming for; including last weekend’s note about being divorced and living with that realization and the consequences that come with it.

So, along with that ongoing theme, honesty, I’m going to sidetrack from the despair and sorrow, ignore the soccer, and approach a very…very…delicate topic:

Marriage

Realistically that was a term that two years ago I would have never considered speaking again; at least in direct relation to myself. Many pages in this exact website outlined the reasons why I wouldn’t consider it, the pity party, the sorrow, the late nights, and the horrors that really was my past life.

However, part of the unique structure of this website wasn’t just to explore the background of my life, but to also show the present, and think about the future. From our past we’re able to lay a foundation, from the present we explore new identities that will later describe our future. Sometimes I think that I got so wrapped up in the past that I forgot what my own future could hold; outside of just the soccer field and the sandwich store.

Would I ever obtain a new job? Would I advance within the company? Those are questions I’ve never really explored before; my current job is such a blessing I couldn’t think past it, especially with spinning off the Kansas City Shock, but what does lie down the road? I don’t envision cutting checks for myself with the Shock anytime soon. Will I keep my pattern, or change things up? I just find it interesting that up until this past week I hadn’t even considered what else could be out there.

What about the team? Oh my gosh, I have no idea. That Kansas City Shock is a dream…a literal dream. It doesn’t even comprehend with me the absolute amazement of watching that program grow and blossom. There’s so much to do still, but man…what a story so far. Even last week in Boston, talking to the general manager for a National Women’s Soccer League team out there, the commissioner for the league, etc…it’s just insane, and the back story. I mean, come on, a group of individuals with a similar dream striving to succeed with it. People from every walk of life, losing sleep, time, and patience to follow a collective dream. You don’t get too many of those stories anymore. I cannot for the life of me imagine my life without such an incredible plot line; a complete blessing.

Job. Soccer. Life. Church. Change. Seasons. Family? I told my girlfriend, even before we started dating, that I date with the intent to marry; that’s it, no exceptions. She took hold of that notion with a death grip and will not let go. There isn’t enough time or space to type out all of the incredible examples, but there is one word that perfectly describes the overall sensation:

Faithful.

She is faithful, loyal, and forgiving. She tolerates so much from me that it is humbling. There’s constant chatter of marriage, colors, weddings, rings, honeymoons, and everything else under the sun. Make no mistake; those conversations take place on nearly a daily basis. At first, I wasn’t fond of it. Call it aching scars, but I just wasn’t thrilled with the concept. Now though? I can’t imagine anything different. Don’t worry reader; you will get your happy ending to this story…eventually [can't give away all the spoilers, can I]. It’s so refreshing; part of the thing that I love about this relationship is that we see each other nearly every day, and when we don’t [like right now due to business, and last week due to Boston] it hurts. Call me a sap, but it hurts being away from her. We drive each other insane…I mean insane [along with our friends], but man…life without her? Impossible. Even today, now that our TV is up and functioning [give it up for HDMI cables] I invited Jim and MC to our apartment for the Sporting game and dinner. While it is an openly known reality that my girlfriend and I do not live with each other, we’re always in the same apartment [which I just renewed for another nine months...hehe], going over the same paperwork, looking over each others finances, and testing new cooking methods. I trust her 100% with my life, and that is something that I cannot honestly tell you I did with my ex-wife; nothing against her, I was just that prideful. It’s nice being open and honest with my girlfriend; sometimes it’s painfully honest, but the rewarding feeling afterwards is so refreshing. To know that I’m one jacked up soul and yet this precious creature still loves me unconditionally…man…I was missing out! I can’t express to you with enough words the absolute joy of knowing that there is a soul out there…that without them by your side…you’d struggle to exist.

I think I’ll just leave this post like that. There is life outside of soccer, there life outside of work, outside of travel, and most definitely outside of your past.

Sometimes your life is simply written on the side a hot mocha.

-D-

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April 21, 2013

O: Irritating Scars

By D

MC has a scar…

I mean like Frankenstein style…like…she’d challenge Kevin Ware stitch-for-stitch [too early]; it was an old surgery wound from her glory days on the hard court in college. Yes, MC was a baller…and then some.

Either way eventually, while going out of bounds to save a ball [in the 70's], she landed…awkwardly…and something within her knee just tore to shreds [I'm still claiming an unknown ACL tear...but that's history].

Anyways, even after the surgery to this very day that scar still hurts. It’s doesn’t matter if someone touches it, the weather changes, whatever the case may be…that scar still hurts. Anyone who has deep scars can relate to the reality that MC has lived with for nearly…40 years now?

There is a reason for this intro story, as you can imagine it is themed around the concept of scars. I revisited mine today.

What I’m getting ready to state has nothing to do with any specific organization, but more so of the realization of my own life.

Today was a unique experience; since officially becoming a member at MoVal I sat in the first ‘vision casting meeting’. Basically this meeting was an attempt to discuss what was taking place down the road, and the future of the church [plus some great food]. The honor of being able to be in the session, while overseen by some perhaps, was a great experience. That doesn’t mean it was easy. There came a part of the meeting where there were some discussions on certain positions within the church, as outlined in Acts and 1 Timothy. When I say that MoVal is a Biblical based church; I’m not kidding. We’re talking that the Greek version of the New Testament was broken out during the meeting. It’s refreshing to know that the only ‘doctrine’ that I have to jack with is the only true doctrine that exist [nice change], but with that comes the reality of what is held within the pages.

I’m going to skip all the details and just say this:

Due to the fact that I’m a Christian, and a divorced one; divorced while I was a Christian [not prior]. Because of this fact, there are some things that I cannot be within the church. The realization of that isn’t…painful…it’s understanding why that is. I could spend all day making excuse after excuse, but honestly? I’m not game for arguing with the Bible.

Consider this my scar. Thorn in my side? Burden? Not sure, but the understanding that as much that is right with my world…that element of my life will always be there.

-D-

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March 13, 2013

O: Distance

By D

How do we measure distance?

Rulers? Weights? Memories?

It’s been a productive day in the psychotic style of my life’s choosing. Stores were established, phone calls were made, money transferred, phone calls made, and coffee consumed. It was another day.

While I was at the bank today I was sorting through some money and getting the paperwork ready for the poor soul of a teller that was going to have to tell me that my math was wrong again. So, I made sure to state that I needed “X” amount of this bill, that bill, and this change; all adding up to the sum.

What was incredible about this sensation was not what was located in 2013, nor 2012, but the instant sensation of 2011. Strange enough?

It’s a memory; I recall going through the same procedure when making daily deposits at the Subway I was working in down south. It was a daily task of mine [and gave me a chance to slip out of the store for a few minutes]. It led me back to working inside a sandwich shop inside a food court inside a regional mall.

It’s incredible to reflect back on March of 2011 and not have regrets of the time. Life, amazingly, was simpler. I had been with Subway [again] for about a month, my wife at the time was getting ready to sign a teaching contract, and I was in and out of area high schools as a substitute teacher. We had gym memberships, a comfy apartment, and a new life. After the doom and confusion of the winter had emerged the opportunity for a second run at a new life, and to get things right. It appeared that’s what was life was going to be; right. Naturally I had no idea of what the following months would ensue, but for the moment I kind of had it all.

That’s all a memory recollected while filling out a transaction slip at the bank today.

Like everyone else in the world I find it astonishing when what felt like yesterday quickly fades into the realm of a mere memory. When talking to people about Subway, I forget how long ago I started with the company [both in store and corporate], and how long I’ve ‘been home’, and even the details of the events that led to the life I have.

Fascinated, I sit on my couch this evening [yes, I have a couch finally], and stare at the blank wall impressed by how fast time does go by.

I would almost think that it was a blessed assurance that I was starting to forget moments of a life before the one I currently have, but aside from bitterness and sorrow there are images that are played in the back of my head that bring about happiness and hope.

It’s startling to imagine that two years from now many of these moments will simply be bottled up in a filing cabinet at the back of my mind, but memories do take place for the sake of reflection, and to also expand space for new ones to form.

As strange as it sounds, as my temper has cooled after nearly two years, I kind of miss the life that I once lived. When the world aligned and life looked fine. That being said though, I quickly have to recognize that, that time was a moment when I decided to settle for what was and chose not to seek out what could be.

This post is definitely a rambling muse, but as spring descends on us once again I can’t help but push forward the notion of change. Reflecting on what was, compared to what is; realistically I have no space to complain. A wonderful relationship, an incredible church family, a group of individuals set into motion with a soccer business that continue to blow my mind on a daily basis, all placed in a world that is beautiful to me. Those are things are untouchable and will always be cherished, but for now…there is much to be learned, loved, and lived.

-D-

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March 5, 2013

O: Australia

By D

This is a great story; one that I’ve been dying to share on here for quite some time, but due to business policies I had to hold back.

First, I’d encourage you to read this exciting release from the Kansas City Shock:

Now I’ll tell you the story:

I was in second grade and a girl in my class had her aunt and uncle in school for show and tell. They were from this enchanted land called Alice Springs, Australia. They had a cool accent, amazing stories, and wore some really cool clothes [I was in second grade]. This small moment started a fascination with the land down under.

I never knew much about the country, aside from MC’s love for Crocodile Dundee and my enjoyment of The Rescuers Down Under. Aside from that my knowledge kept small about the country with the fascinating accent in a land nearly a world away. It wasn’t until the 2000 Summer Games in Syndey, Australia that my interest really started to peak. I learned more about their country/continent. From the games, to entertainment, to food, to diversity. There was much to learn about this foreign world. I discovered that I would need to journey to this land to learn more.

In the fall of 2008 I had been in communication with the education services in Australia; namely Sydney. I had a friend that had just traveled to the area for school, and with my dual degrees I could have potentially qualified to teach in this country [along with coaching]. I had finished up the paperwork, had it placed on the table in the house I was staying in while in school, and would be shipping it off to Australia the next morning. However that night I had to go into the city to eat sushi and was set up on this ‘unintentional’ blind date.

That blind date turned into a relationship, an engagement, and eventually a marriage. The letter to Australia was thrown away at the realization that this is my life now, and those travels weren’t meant to be. I still paid attention to Australia, watched the development of the Westfield W-League women’s soccer program, and even stayed up at 3:00 AM listening to the plays get called in the dead of winter via internet radio.

With the divorce came a sense of realization and anticipated adventure. I wanted to visit Australia, but knew my limitations financially would prevent me from traveling there anytime soon. However, as I started to dabble in the women’s soccer writing world I began to discover this passionate group of people within the the soccer community of Australia who were hell-bent on growing the game in their own land. From news agencies to Twitter accounts; these women were passionate about their game and stopped at nothing to let themselves be known. Many times I thought:

What could that kind of passion do on a field in our own country?

This is when I discovered the coaches from Legacy Football Club; one of which is a native to Australia. At this point strange pieces started to come together; with the Shock being created we started to pick up a bit of hype from Oz. At one point even getting a few emails from people in the country about our program. It was some unique times.

I find it fascinating that for years I had a passion of knowledge of such a wonderful country as Australia, and even though it has taken time on my part [almost twenty years...literally] I’m finally starting to see a bit of that passion becoming a reality. Sure, I’m not heading to Australia anytime soon, but to know through the Kansas City Shock, that a bit of Australia is coming to us? It’s just a continued reminder that we’re moving along the right path.

-D-

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March 1, 2013

O: Boiling Over

By D

It finally happened.

I completely, stupidly, inexcusably lost my cool tonight.

I think I’ve stated before that for quite some time I’ve had to work on controlling my anger. As a youth I would lose my temper in a moments notice and would follow that by making horrible, poor choices on my reaction. Taking a toll on myself, and my faith.

Tonight feels like square one.

I said that this site would be open and honest; both positive and negative. I know lately that it seems more doom and gloom than anything else, but that’s because I can feel myself being worked over more and more these past few weeks. I’m struggling to stay faithful, to hold onto hope, and not be the stubborn Hebrew out in the desert.

My girlfriends mom heading to the hospital added some stress a while back. It would anyone; nothing like what my girlfriend experienced, but my job is to protect; there’s stress that comes with that. Additionally I got taken through the ringer by a relative of hers while I was at the hospital. I’m sure it started as good fun, but when they learned that I was divorced…it was humiliating. I felt absolutely worthless and dirty. It felt like a two year flash back and by the time it was done [my girlfriend removed me from the waiting room] I was shaking because I was so angry. No immediate reaction, but I was so angry. Angry at myself, the man who stated the harsh things, but primarily…I was just mad because the things stated had some truth to them.

The transmission went out in my company car while I was working. Causing my store list to get delayed; factor in not one, but two winter storms on top of that and I was working all the way to the end of the month. As the individual who doesn’t feel worthy of the job I have, it’s like stepping on pins as it is. Completely screwing up a month of evaluations because of the selfish time off I took starting in February…it’s humiliating and causes me for concern. I’m terrified of my boss, and I’d never want to make the company look bad. Between the car and the store list; I did some stupid damage, and I hate the sensation of disappointment. Such as, “Yep, that kid doesn’t have what it takes to be in this position.” It’s a daily fear of mine whether people believe it or not.

Sprinkle in the past three weeks at MoVal being about marriage, and how you should go about it in a Godly, Biblical way…it’s great. The entire three part sermon was amazing. Bluntly though, I walked out feeling disappointed in myself. Perhaps that’s a pride issue? I’m not sure, but the long lasting effects from a divorce, at least in this soul, has been troublesome. Talking about marriage, God, faith, and the mixture of the three in this perfect harmony of  ’one flesh’ hurts simply because I damaged it. I didn’t follow through. I didn’t follow up with the promise my ex-wife and I made before family, friends, and God. I failed. Being reminded of that three weeks in a row; it really adds up.

Let’s go ahead and add the list of bills that continues to grow each month, the student loans that’ll take twenty years to pay back [at least], and making sure that I have enough for rent, electricity, food, gas [for meetings with my businesses when I'm not working with Subway], and that’s another stressful monster in itself.

Finally, soccer. There are things that I’ve posted in this site about being stressed that have brought about some scrutiny from people within our organization. The reality is; I’m stressed. I’m not stressed because I’m taking on too much. I’m stressed because I’m working around the clock to get things taken care of, looking good in the social media world [though some errors along those lines were made this month as well], and then trying to sleep with the notion that:

  • Some people in this world want you to fail. It’s a sad, harsh reality, but very true.
  • Some people have a hard time respecting you when you fail to lead, when you fail to follow through, and you fail to stand up for yourself.

As I said above, I’ve worked very hard these past two years, working on controlling my anger and not lashing out at anyone. I don’t believe that it is worth it. It’s a waste of energy to scream, yell, and attempt to look ‘macho’. It’s hard feeling like you’re under trial 24/7. Additionally, along the footy lines there are other things in the workings; they’re some very large projects that I’m excited about, but have taken some serious tolls. We’ve come across hurdle, after hurdle, after hurdle, and it isn’t easy ['no one said it would be', I know, I know] and that just piles on as well.

Also, as of two days ago; I’m sick. For the third time since December and that is a new record for me. My immune system is giving up, wearing out, and throwing in the towel. Now I’m just having to use the towel to blow my nose.

Much of this brings us to tonight. After a business meeting all day with Subway [including a CX debate with myself against my boss] I stopped in to get some coffee before heading home to crash, after I had spent a few hours talking to MC about…well…life.

First, a man who was very intoxicated came in. There are four girls working in the store, one of which was my girlfriend. So, I stayed in the store for an extra two hours. Later it was learned that he had been picked up by the city police after his two visits within the store. Uncomfortable to say the least…and stressful.

Secondly, and this is all on me. I want everyone to know that what I’m getting ready to say is 100% my fault, and no one else. There was a moment when an individual promptly parked at the front of the store, the passenger got out and went in to get some coffee. I made a rude comment about the individuals parking job [as the vehicle did ride onto the curb...for fun]. One way or another that message found its way to the driver. I know this because as I went out to get into the ‘gokart’ [name for the Mazda2 rental car] the vehicle came speeding by me sprayed me with slush, rocks, and snow and sped off into the parking lot.

I lost it.

Completely lost it.

I stormed back into the store, spoke very harshly about what had just happened and stormed out and went home [at the moment I would have rather chased the vehicle through the city].

I made a scene in the coffee shop.

I made a scene in front of my girlfriend.

I raised my voice.

My anger boiled over.

I yelled in the phone.

I yelled in the car.

I just yelled.

I’ve since apologized to my girlfriend, but it doesn’t take back the action that I’ve displayed. I don’t have an excuse, though I wish the paragraphs above could justify my need to exert such anger. Realistically though; they don’t. Life is rough, Satan is working on me hard…and tonight I failed.

The best thing I can say, and I’m getting some serious rest after this, is to those that I’ve directly and indirectly drove up the wall in recent weeks; from work, soccer, family, friends, and everyone else in between. I’m sorry.

I’m just sorry.

-D-

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February 24, 2013

Mobile Minutes: Promises

By D

Yes, I’m working on YouTube stuff. No, it isn’t professional. Yes, it is under twenty minutes.

-D-

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February 22, 2013

Mobile Minutes: Archives

By D

I restarted my Tumblr account today.

The Tumblr account was created with one sole purpose: to lose weight.

The account was a accountable tool I used starting back in January of 2011. At that point in my life I was unemployed and 275 pounds. I didn’t work out, I didn’t run, and I didn’t eat well. Realistically, we can just say that I was a mess.

However, I grew tired of it. My pants wouldn’t fit, my shirts were too tight in the wrong areas, and even taking self portraits with a webcam was painful. I had become that person that I said I had never become.

So, starting at the end of January I started a year long program of destroying the weight, and I’ll be honest; it worked. By fall of last year, well after a full year had passed; I was down to 225. For my frame that is an ideal weight.

Since fall I’ve packed on some pounds; moving, gym memberships, apartments, pizza, donuts, and traveling all add up over time.

My girlfriend noticed and encouraged me to get active again, and not lose track of my personal goals. That’s what started up Tumblr today.

The thing about digital devices that you leave over time and come back to can be the skeletons that still remain in them. My Tumblr account has over thirty pages to it; that’s a lot of information dating all of the way back to January of 2011.

I was still married.

Foolishly tonight I went through some archive files on the account; noting the journey that I’ve had [similar to this site]. However, the more I read the more fearful I became.

Let’s remove the Shock from the image for a moment.
Let’s remove the apartment, the job, and the future.
Get it all out of the way.

Sometimes when I talk to individuals, media, etc…I take a few moments to review the journey I’ve been on since 2011, it’s been a crazy one for sure. However, as unique as it is, it’s something I never, ever want to even come remotely close to reliving ever again.

I still get scared of repeating the past. I still fear losing everything…again. I’m terrified of messing up, screwing up, and letting people down. I joke around that frequently I don’t sleep at night; it’s overrated. The real reason I don’t sleep at night is because I don’t want to relive the life I once had, I don’t want to remember June of 2011, I don’t want to remember September; I don’t care if it is all part of ‘who I am’, I don’t want it to be.

I’m not the owner of a premier women’s soccer team, and I’m not a corporate inspector for Subway. I’m an only child who screwed up big time a year and a half ago, and I’ve had to spend the past twenty months rebuilding everything about my life. This is why stress from the day-to-day can get to me, but doesn’t scare me away.

I’ve met isolation; I’ve lived with depression, and I’ve drank from the cup of hopelessness. These are my nightmares that I hope will forever stay locked away.

-D-

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February 14, 2013

Mobile Minutes: I-35, Sunrises, and Pancakes

By D

Today, I’d like to try to avoid the ‘soccer topic’ and focus on something that is far more important to me [plus, it is Valentine's Day].

Does anyone else take a step back and reflect on what they were doing this time a year ago? Two years ago? Three?

Personally, for the sake of ‘warm fuzzies’ I think back to what was nearly one year ago to the day.

After being recently divorced and extremely bitter, I found someone of equal bitterness [for different reasons] in the city that I had relocated to. She made coffee for a living, and was struggling in her early college years. I quite literally tormented her during her breaks at Starbucks because realistically she was one of the closest things I could call a friend at the time [and most of the time her face was deep in a cell phone sending texts to someone about something].

As time progressed, I started to realize that I had literally no one to hang out with. My friends were married, dating, had grown up, or were just too busy. My parents were…well…my parents, and I was still trying to figure out the vital importance and position of finding my way to MoVal for church. In many ways, I really, really needed some sort of companionship…friendship…anything…

This month, last year, I had a unique opportunity to go to Dallas, Texas for the first time in my life. Why? Yes, a soccer game. I wanted to go, I could go, I had the ability to, but I had no one to go with. Driving to Dallas from Kansas City and back again alone is not ideal. That’s why I went to random, coffee loving barista and asked her the most random thought I had, had for years:

Want to go watch a soccer game in Dallas this weekend with me?

Incredibly [and kind of creepy] she accepted the invitation and partook in a random journey that took us across the state of Kansas, to an amazing sunrise in the barren land that is Oklahoma, and into Texas…where we fell asleep at a rest station on I-35 after driving non-stop. We discovered Whataburger and the beginning of the Frisco Line. We avoided tolls, and crashed in the hotel for a few hours. Even though it was Texas, we froze at the game with a nice, balmy 27 degrees outside. We [I] also discovered that Dunkin Donuts espresso based drinks are an insult to society.

In my ways; it was one of the best weekends of my life.

What came of that, has made the story that much better.

“Officially” her and I have been dating for eight months now, that started via a DM on Twitter while I was in Guatemala last June.

“Unofficially” [also known as the MoVal Small Group Survey] we’ve been together for right around a year.

We struggle, we argue, we laugh, and we pray. She’s the first person I can say that I cried when I saw her get baptized at MoVal, and watched a psychotic girl become a balanced young woman [somewhat]. She’s tolerated me in Las Vegas, and I’ve dragged her through several 5K races.

Judging by the shallow acclamations that I’ve suffered through the years, we truly are a unique pair. However, she gets hugs from me and I get coffee from her, heaven couldn’t pair us any better.

 

Realistically she knows my demons, doubts, and quietest fears, and you know what? She still accepts me, embraces me, and loves me. That’s something I’ve learned that you never let go of [plus, the Duck Dynasty crew would approve because she's an amazing cook].

Neither of us are from the upper class, in fact neither of us are from ‘traditional’ families. Some day’s we look at each other and realize we’re the king and queen of the toys on misfit island.

I don’t think we’d want it any other way.

 

 

 

 

She’s one of a kind.
Unique in my eye.
I wouldn’t want anyone else in my life.
We both quietly count down the days until she’s my wife.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-D-

5 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Daily Events, Dating, Dreams, Faith, Friends, Humor, Reality, Travels

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