There’s no reason to believe that I don’t come up with strange, new ideas…frequently… Continue reading
*tap, tap, tap…*
I’m supposed to type something here. I have plenty of random, worthless thoughts in my head but getting them organized to type is rather challenging I’m learning.
This week has been some funky, hazy experience of…well…I’m not really sure. From nightmares including astronauts exploding and having my eyes cut out with razor blades, to running to the point that my feet go numb (we’re sure that’s not normal) I’ve actually had a difficult time of separating reality from illusions of mental games.
Does that make sense? Continue reading
I kept the form.
It was only for one mile, but everything was dialed in, stance, pace, power, mind, and soul. No pain throughout my body, only mental hurdles while running the night away…
I know several people who run in groups, run together, etc…I have never been that person. In high school it was because I was too slow (I got lapped at practice), in college it was because I wasn’t on a team, and now…it’s because other people are not dependable.
False promises, false ideals, or just an overall lack of commitment keeps me on the one way road. I run alone, train alone, and lift alone (safely). I’m learning that you cannot lean on others to motivate you, you have to motivate you. This concept and belief is your dream, not theirs, so why punish them? They aren’t deciding to trade off life for shoes, or burgers for smoothies (sort of), that’s my sacrifice, no one else’s.
I run a lonely path because it’s what I learned felt best. My soul and emotions run wild alone. With anyone else I’m concerned about them, their speed, what they’re thinking, how they’re judging me, and so on. Alone I’m only judging myself, and that’s enough because in my own eyes, I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never look the best, perform the best, or try the hardest. Make no mistake, mentally I am my worst enemy. I curse my efforts, and pound away on what pride is left.
I don’t run for fun, I run because it is a part of my identity. I hold onto the element as if it was part of my soul. I run because I dream, and dreams are worthless unless they transcend into reality.
When I lace up, when the music turns on, frankly I do not care about anyone else…
I’m out to chase dreams.
You’re losing weight…you don’t stick out as much…
I love my wife, whether her comment above hurt or not, I still love her dearly. Perhaps it is because I’m a male that I have a fixation on the physical elements of life. Fitness, health, and the body. Nothing scientific, just the measuring point of where I stand in life. Honestly, I feel like my life has revolved around the physical glimpses of life as I’ve progressed through time. Continue reading
Sometime back I had posted a dream that I had about walking in a city that I had never seen before, and living a life in it that I had never lived. While I’m still yet to understand that context, I did stumble across these designs for a new apartment complex in the Crossroads District of Kansas City, Missouri (it’s been a very, very long time since new apartments have been built there).
These are both courtesy of KEM Studio design in Kansas City, Missouri. For the city of my dreams…I’ll just keep dreaming.
Currently: Into the evening ritual that includes laying my feet upon pieces of ice for twenty minutes at a time. This can only mean on thing…
While I’m stuck on the couch for the next hour-or-so, there was a story that came to mind that felt needing to be shared with you, the reader. A bit of a taste of what “XXXI” is about, its strange intent, ideas, and images. Sadly, it tends to revolve around one word that, over the years, I have grown to strongly despise: Elite. Continue reading
It’s 13 days away, but I’m getting super pumped for the next chapter of FilingThePapers [that and I'm sick of cleaning things up]. So, tonight I figured I’d provide a taste of what the next two years may have in store for the reader [and give you the fair opportunity to jump ship now]. Enjoy… Continue reading