Mobile Minutes: Chasing Dreams


I kept the form.

It was only for one mile, but everything was dialed in, stance, pace, power, mind, and soul. No pain throughout my body, only mental hurdles while running the night away…

I know several people who run in groups, run together, etc…I have never been that person. In high school it was because I was too slow (I got lapped at practice), in college it was because I wasn’t on a team, and now…it’s because other people are not dependable.

False promises, false ideals, or just an overall lack of commitment keeps me on the one way road. I run alone, train alone, and lift alone (safely). I’m learning that you cannot lean on others to motivate you, you have to motivate you. This concept and belief is your dream, not theirs, so why punish them? They aren’t deciding to trade off life for shoes, or burgers for smoothies (sort of), that’s my sacrifice, no one else’s.

I run a lonely path because it’s what I learned felt best. My soul and emotions run wild alone. With anyone else I’m concerned about them, their speed, what they’re thinking, how they’re judging me, and so on. Alone I’m only judging myself, and that’s enough because in my own eyes, I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never look the best, perform the best, or try the hardest. Make no mistake, mentally I am my worst enemy. I curse my efforts, and pound away on what pride is left.

I don’t run for fun, I run because it is a part of my identity. I hold onto the element as if it was part of my soul. I run because I dream, and dreams are worthless unless they transcend into reality.

When I lace up, when the music turns on, frankly I do not care about anyone else…

I’m out to chase dreams.

-D-

XXXI: Watching Space


You’re losing weight…you don’t stick out as much…

I love my wife, whether her comment above hurt or not, I still love her dearly. Perhaps it is because I’m a male that I have a fixation on the physical elements of life. Fitness, health, and the body. Nothing scientific, just the measuring point of where I stand in life. Honestly, I feel like my life has revolved around the physical glimpses of life as I’ve progressed through time. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Dreaming of Architecture


Sometime back I had posted a dream that I had about walking in a city that I had never seen before, and living a life in it that I had never lived. While I’m still yet to understand that context, I did stumble across these designs for a new apartment complex in the Crossroads District of Kansas City, Missouri (it’s been a very, very long time since new apartments have been built there).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are both courtesy of KEM Studio design in Kansas City, Missouri. For the city of my dreams…I’ll just keep dreaming.

-D-

XXXI: Elite


Currently: Into the evening ritual that includes laying my feet upon pieces of ice for twenty minutes at a time. This can only mean on thing…
…story time.

While I’m stuck on the couch for the next hour-or-so, there was a story that came to mind that felt needing to be shared with you, the reader. A bit of a taste of what “XXXI” is about, its strange intent, ideas, and images. Sadly, it tends to revolve around one word that, over the years, I have grown to strongly despise: Elite. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Upcoming Excerpt


It’s 13 days away, but I’m getting super pumped for the next chapter of FilingThePapers [that and I'm sick of cleaning things up]. So, tonight I figured I’d provide a taste of what the next two years may have in store for the reader [and give you the fair opportunity to jump ship now]. Enjoy… Continue reading

XO: Be Still


With just a month remaining in “XO”, it’s taken me this entire time to get a full grasp over the idea, concept, and learning that took place over this duration of life.

What have I learned?
What I’m doing right now.
Being still.

Darco is asleep, the cat is watching the window, and I can hear the bugs outside. It’s peaceful, with the lowly hum of the refrigerator and the gentle typing of my fingers on the keys. This is being still in my world. Sure, the brain still move 100 MPH, and my Tweetdeck currently is loaded with 14 non-stop flowing feeds of information that runs 24/7. I love it though; I love that passion and work can be combined into a blessing of a job. I’m thankful that I can get up from the couch, brush my teeth, and crawl into bed next to the world’s most beautiful woman [by the way, did you see her incredible, physical transformation]. It’s epic to know that I’ll wake up, shower, make my smoothie, and start another brand new adventure in the morning. The stress, drama, and other sleepless thoughts have been put to rest. My wife is sleeping, the refrigerator is full of food, and the cat is frequently fed. How can you not enjoy a life like that?

From recent Bible study experiences, to Sunday School, and even church itself; once I pushed my pride aside, I’m finally warming up to our new ‘home’. A place that we don’t just visit on Sunday mornings, but somewhere that can be a place of peace throughout the week.

Bills get paid, supplies gets purchased, and deadlines are met. Slowly but surely we’re digging our way out of the debt that we’ve (I’ve) slipped into over the years.

Dearest reader; life is good.

I’ve done my traveling, ran a business, failed a business, found a church, left a church, found a new church, lost an old hobby, found a new hobby, and continue to dream about tomorrow. My heart is still and my soul is alive; I feel freedom within range of my spiritual reach.

Living in the city is no longer a real dream, and for the most part I have no desire to ever own a business again. I enjoy the silence, I enjoy nature, outdoors, and spending time with¬†my family. I dream of children, school districts, and random events every night of the week. I know someday I’ll be reliving life a few years ago, only it’ll be our children doing the participating; I’ll just stand at the side and cheer. That’s a beautiful life, that’s something to dream about, that’s a reality worth pursuing.

However, tranquility hasn’t quite set-in at this point. A new chapter begins; the longest one I’ve kept. Prayer has been pumped into this, and it’s the first chapter I’ve actually mentally prepared for. It’s going to be a unique journey, and many will deem it “impossible”, but none of us will know until the time has come.

So, as this season draws to an end, it’s nice to rest, reset, and recover a life that’s been worn rather thin. It’s a blessing to be able to ‘be still’, and realign life with the true leader of your heart. Times will change, and new events will come, but for now, for tonight; I’m going to count these past three years a crazy blessing, close my eyes, and dream about tomorrows cup of coffee.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Changing of the Guard


Late night posts are always the best [though no one ever sees them].

After much debate, prayer, and guidance I’m pleased to announce that “XO” will be drawing to a close in June. Continue reading

XO: I Am No One


I am no one…

…and it feels great.

I was running last night through some rural roads while a storm system passed through; creating a delightful [and cold experience]. Upon my return back to the starting position of the adventure it started to sink in…

I am no one…

However, in past experiences this would be met with doubt, guilty, pity, and a plethora of other mentioned terms that’d make me feel sorry for myself, yesterday was not that experience.

I am no one…

Over the past two years I received exactly what I wanted, I got a taste of the spotlight, and I accepted the pressures of life before me. I tried, I failed, and then I was brushed off and led onto a new path. I love my life; I have an awesome wife and an incredible job. Imagine, I sit at a computer all day finding ways to market products and services through social media. I practically live on Twitter and Google+, how cool is that? My wife has become a health nut, of which I love her even more because of it. We travel, work on new projects, pray for her promotion, and watch life evolve before us.

I am no one…

I am not a successful businessman, entrepreneurship really isn’t my thing; even though I find the process fascinating. I love to type, dream of writing, and get wrapped up in new, creative ways to market new ideas and dreams. I wasn’t really designed to be in the spotlight, the preacher, teacher, businessman, or anything of the life. I enjoy being behind the scenes, staying quiet, and operating life from the stroke of the keys. How different is that from a piano player? I read books, run outside, and drive throughout the country between work and home. There are dreams of fitness, and hopes of health; knowing that one will always compliment the other. I hang out with my best friend, she’s everything to me and I couldn’t have dreamed up a better life partner. We’ve witnessed tragedy, disappointment, and many sleepless nights, but God never left our side. We’ve cried for repentance, and wept when hope felt lost, but each morning we’d wake up knowing that He was still in control.

I’m trying to live a reality and a dream I had years upon years ago; simple truth of being less so God can become more. It’s taken hard lessons, and painful realities, but as time progresses scars do really heal. My blood pleasure is lowered, and sleep comes rather easy these days. More time is spent with family, and after 7:00 ¬†each night social media world gets placed on hold for the next morning. There are dreams and ambitions, many tasks I hope to accomplish, and bigger adventures that lie beyond the current path.

With that said though, no matter the event that lays before me, or the path that is taken, I am so much more comfortable hanging out in the shadows, being more quiet compared to loud, and learning to put pride aside and understand what ‘me’ is really about. The idea of ‘me’ is merely pride, accepting that the importance of life revolves around yourself. It’s a dangerous place to be as a Christian, and it become hard to keep your tongue controlled. Thankfully God is good, a loving Father that always rescues His kids every time that they’ve fallen. In recent months I’ve fallen hard, and it’s hurt, and it caused pain, but at the end the lesson learn was understanding that when the sun sets, when the sun rises, I have to always uphold to a holistic truth:

I am no one…

-D-