XXXI: Three Year Honeymoon

I finally found the batteries. They were stored somewhere in one of the kitchen drawers.

This is what happens when you move from one place to another in your life.

The past three weeks have been mind-blowing. Time has sped up, seasons have changed, rain has fallen, sun has shined, and we have relocated from our apartment into a house.

True. Story.

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Mobile Minutes: 400m Sprint

What I just learned…

Nerves can destroy you. When I sign up for a 5K races, I’m not really thinking about competition, I’m just there to run.

Today, a mixture of competition and nerves ruined me.

First, “open heat” does not equate to everyone and their sister. Open heat means if the cutoff for “elite” is 4:40.00, “open” runners run at approximately 4:41.00.

Second, unlike my assumption that these runners would be in it just because their standard 5K wasn’t this weekend, these runners were hellbent on the mile and only the mile.

Third, do yourself a favor, at least once in your life be the idiot that jumps out front first. Do it in order to get it out of your system. Today was my calling to this event. I ran…wait for it…a sub-55 second 400m to start the race. I led that crew like there was no tomorrow. Then my lungs caught on fire, my legs cramped, and the ‘nursing home special’ passed me. Needless to say, I suffered the next 1200m of that race.

Embarrassed doesn’t even describe the sensation in my soul right now. However, two positive things came out of this:

1. Darco got a kick out of it and wants to witness more of these races.
2. Man, I flew in that first 400m and it wasn’t even in a sprint.

Back to the drawing board.
After some food and rest.



Mobile Minutes: Sunflower Run

Greetings from the Sunflower State!

Darco and I are currently located in Wichita, Kansas. Tomorrow I’m competing in my first mile road race…ever. It’ll be the first mile race I’ve been in since the spring of ’05.

Needless to say, I’m a bit terrified.

I don’t know why. Probably because it’s something I enjoy, something I’ve legitimately trained for, and because of this I’m scared that I’ll disappoint those around me. Make no mistake, I’m not an athlete by anyone’s count. I’m just warped into the programming of believing that when you’ve put in the work it’ll pay off.

However, ‘pay off’ doesn’t equal 4:40.00 or below times (elite timing requirement).

I’m rambling. I suppose this is what someone could call their “pre-race jitters”. Zoning out, closing eyes, visioning the course, listening to the same audio track over and over.

I can only form a single thought tonight…

Please God, let me run.


XXXI: Broken Judgemental Hearts

Tonight, with the internet finally running, I was planning on giving some details into the moving process that Darco and I just went through over the past week. However, something took place this evening that gripped my heart to the point that even the joys of moving cannot trump such an event.

I am an awkward individual. How I walk, talk, and even write, so please bare with me if something just seems…well…awkward.

This is new territory for me.

Darco and I were visiting with a family member of whom we love dearly. It’d be months since we had seen them, and Darco took some time to ensure that they saw our new living arrangement. When I got home from work (and later running), we chatted, ate, and just had a fun time sharing stories of the oddities that we conclude are indeed our lives.

Towards the end of the evening, they began to prepare to leave. It was about that time that Darco looked at them, and simply asked, “Well, aren’t you going to tell him?” I, stuffing myself with food, was curious as to what the conversation was about. I noted that they were holding a artistic illustration of a name that I assumed was associated with them.

They started to giggle.
They started to avoid.
They stated, “He’ll make fun of me”.
They said, “He won’t like it”.

It was about that time, thank you education world, that I started putting the pieces together. Our loved one is holding onto a drawing of someone’s specific name. They’re laughing, making comments such as, “But, we’re not yet, so I can’t say it…”

That’s when something came out along the lines of, “She’s not my girlfriend…officially…yet.”

In one unique way, or another…a child (younger than me) who I love dearly, frankly (to put into awkward, politically correct terminology) came out of the closet tonight.

My heart shattered.

Not because of the desire of the wanted love, relationship, etc…
Not because I was so disappointed in their “LIFE CHOICES”…

Because they were afraid of my reaction.
Because, somewhere, they were afraid of judgement.
Because I go to church. Because I’m the Christian. Because somewhere, somehow there’s this disillusion that I’m inherently going to condemn anyone who is gay, anyone who is a Democrat, anyone who votes wrong, anyone…well…period.

I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m spiteful.

That reaction, that reaction is exactly why I struggled in college. I didn’t want to be grouped, I didn’t want to be identified as “judgemental”. I look at Christ and the only judgement I see from Him tends to be towards religious hypocrites. If I’m to be Christ-like then how on earth could I justify that kind of condemnation towards a soul that I love dearly?

It makes no sense.

It’s an everyday reality.

This is what makes my blood boil. When Christian’s cause more damage for God’s kingdom compared to the glory that we’re to bring God. It makes me angry, a righteous zeal towards the religious elite. These are those moments when I’m happy that I’m divorced, that I’m a failure, that I’ve caused so much pain for my God. Because I’m able to look at the rest of the world and realize there isn’t a inch of my body that could justifiably be placed higher than any other human.

My life is forced humility. How could I dare bring myself to judge? What has that young child witnessed that’d cause them to ‘joke’ about being looked at differently because of a choice they’ve made? Where does it say Jesus would do that?!?! Where would it say my loving, caring Father would treat His own in that nature!?!?

Show me in the red text.
Show me the verse.
Show me where my God gave up.
Show me when my Savior told me to condemn those who are looking for hope.

Until I see that…
Until I hear His voice saying that…

I will love those closest to me. I will care for those who fear the rejection. I will house the lost.

I. Was. No. Different.



I’m “adulting”…

Last weekend, between sighting in rifles for deer season, Darco, MC, Jim, and myself started to embark on an adventure I never thought would happen.

We began the moving process.


It’s gorgeous. The basement has the drywall completed, along with the painting. Tiling is being installed right now.

Stepping outside with MC, I noticed a noise I never imagined hearing in isolation again…

As it turns out, after final calculations, there are a grand total of 62 miles…62…miles…of running trails around the lake that our house sits on.

Our. House.


I don’t know if Darco has had this sensation, but each time I’m at the house I have to remind myself that I’m not visiting. This isn’t a friends house. It’s a strange, almost sobering, sensation of accepting this gift. Believe me, any reader here knows this, this is a gift.

We’ll be completely moved in over the weekend.

God is good. In ways I’ll never understand, but each day I lock the front door, it’ll be s gentle reminder of what God does.



Remember that time when I said I’m a teacher…


Now let me whip...

…and that we do crazy things in class…


Maslow & Freud would be proud.

…and frequently I run around like a chicken with my head cut off…


I can't run this fast, but I know YOU can...

…and I’m encouraged daily by my peers…


Ho-ho-ho, green giant.

…it’s ‘ight.