XXXI: Not My Own


It’s 9:30 PM and I’m sitting in the living room eating tacos from the kitchen. i’ve just finished another anime episode and I fell asleep on the couch; requiring Darco to wake me up for bed. It’s been that kind of day.

Absolute exhaustion and trying times.

Yesterday was a mess. Between some student loan issues (imagine that), screwing up an assignment for class, and just a failure to adapt to the classroom, it was not a pleasant experience. I was in a rather foul mood last night by the time I left school, and I was hoping (and seriously praying) that today would be different. Thankfully, this was the case. I’m not stating that the day was perfect in comparison to yesterday, but I am going to say that God was able to change my mindset and expectations, so that I could work in an area I love with a more humble soul.

Twice, in the past six months, I’ve failed to gain a classroom position inside the school. The first time it created a horrible sense of bitterness internally, but in the end I had to accept the reality that I didn’t hold the legal requirements to teach. Why should I be mad at someone else for the mistakes I’ve made? With that memory in mind I was able to handle the news of¬†potentially¬†missing out on another classroom position this week. Through this process I started to see the pattern that I’ve become a hypocrite in front of my own students…

So many times I’ve complained about students having this sense of entitlement when they’re in school, “Well, I earned this.” or “Well, I deserve that.” can be heard as distant echoes down the hallway. It’s rather irritating to hear and very discouraging when thinking of what the future could hold for them in this very hostile, unfriendly world.

I say that while with the same mouth and mind I can hear myself saying, out of bitterness…

I’m mad because I’ve earned this opportunity…

I’m upset because I deserve to have this chance…

Doesn’t matter the age, the reality is the same. I’m no different compared to my own students. I have this horrible, worldly sensation that punctures my soul with greed. The truth is, is that I don’t even deserve the job that I currently have. The bitter reality is knowing that there’s nothing in these previous four years of life that indicate I even deserve the life that I’ve been given. Classroom? Trying deserving the wife I have, a supportive family, loving friends, a healthy life, etc…

Who am I to seek entitlement for a life I don’t even deserve?

it was a hard, bitter pill to swallow. Recognizing how fallen I am, and how dirty I’ve become. Realizing this is why it became easier to accept my position, cling to my school, and stop worrying about all the details and just live an enjoyable life. I can firmly say that, that in itself is a blessing that I’ve missed for years.

Maybe this is just another one of my random rants about life. i’ve missed out twice on the hopes of having a real classroom for the next school year, and I’m thankful that God’s prepared my soul to handle the understanding that sometimes His timing and our own for our lives don’t always match up.

I have to require my soul to be alright with understanding that I cannot be in control of my life.

It wasn’t my own to start with anyways…

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


I’m supposed to be in bed right now…

I just turned in my third week of assignments for my class. That means I’m 50% of the way to getting my teaching license reactivated. Woot! Additionally, as I learned today, since I’m in school at the moment the student loans that create so many headaches? Yeah, they’re on hold because the university I’m enrolled in stated that I’m a full time student. So, Darco and I were figuring numbers, carrying one’s, etc…We figured out that if this really is the case, then why not just go ahead and finish up my Master’s degree and keep those loans on hold as her and I increase our take home pay in the process?

Speaking of Darco and take home pay…

I had to wait for nearly two hours after school today to pick her up from work. She was meeting with one of the higher up’s and it looked important. Even still sniffling she came to the car with a giant smile on her face.

I’m moving stores.

Remember that she’s currently an assistant store manager? She’s being moved to another store to temporarily ‘take over’ as an acting manager. These next two months will also be her ‘trial period’ to see if she’s ready to become a full time store manager. Oh, the store she’s being sent to? Three miles north of the school I teach at.

Speaking of the school I teach at…

I took a leap of faith today and met with the principal of the school (nice guy). I informed him that even if a teaching position were not to open up for me for the 2015-2016 school year that I would return in the role I’m currently in. I think that move caught him off guard, but I’ve seen enough schools to know where I’m most comfortable and where I can do my best, and I firmly believe that my heart is sold on that specific school. Classroom or not.

Outside of these rapid happenings today, we’ve found at least one new apartment down in the area that we’re interested in as May approaches. We’re still a hot mess, but the good Lord knows we’re trying to figure out this whole adult life thing.

…now to work on that speech I’m supposed to give tomorrow…

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


What a glorious way to end the weekend.
Interestingly enough Darco and I are on opposite sides of the state today with our own adventures.

I’m spending the evening enjoying dinner with MC at the local brewery. We were able to talk about work, family, and teaching. What a great night catching up.

image

She had the special. I had the salmon.

Darco in her own right was a having an amazing day as well…

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Darco (left) alongside her "employer". You may know him as the CEO of Starbucks, Howard Shultz.

I’m so crazy proud of her. She’s doing so well in the company, and totally deserved this opportunity.

It’s amazing the opportunities God gives us throughout our lives.

-D-

XXXI: Childish Dialogue


If I (2015) went back in time, and I found my former self (circa 2001); I’m relatively sure this would be the transcript of the dialogue between the two of us:

2015: Life is going to be interesting for you, that’s the best that I can say for certain. It’s not going to be easy, in fact this moment in life is about the easiest you’re going to have it.

2001: Why does everything change?

2015: Because of the choices that we make. Let me break it down for you. You’re going to be an awful athlete, and your work ethic through high school is going to be a joke. You’ll blow off all your classes and never apply yourself, except in the creative writing class you’ll take your senior year. You’ll go into an insane amount of debt by going into the wrong college, the same one that’ll reject you the first time you apply. You’ll struggle to find yourself in college, go through a mix of poor relationships, and end up making some horrible, life changing decisions right after college. That doesn’t even address how the work field is going to treat you.

2001: Work field? Like what kind of job I’ll have?

2015: Yes. Be prepared to spend over a decade with a company known as Subway. You’ll do everything in the store, and will be in two primary stores before getting moved into a corporate position.

2001: Corporate? That doesn’t sound so bad.

2015: It isn’t, until you try to cheat the system, get caught, and are asked to resign from your position.

2001: I do that? Ouch…

2015: You will create problems for teachers, headaches for school board members, and will be reprimanded by administration before you leave high school. You’ll attempt to have a college board member removed, and you’ll be fired for the athletic department…as a work study student. You’ll argue with theologians, and will even walk away from the very church you attend now. Your stubbornness will lead to pointless arguments, and eventually even a horrific divorce.

2001: I get divorced!?!?!

2015: Your relationship timeline is about as fragmented as the Richter Scale in California. You’ll officially date one person in high school, and unofficially date one person in high school. You’ll mutually depart with one, and you’ll walk away from another. In college you’ll chase after student-athletes, only to have your immaturity cost you, your first serious relationship. The second relationship in college will be reckless and free, but you’ll be cheated on and left because “you’re too nice, and deserve better”. The third relationship will nearly end you. It’ll involve someone who becomes a teacher, a family deeply rooted in the Southern Baptist community of the state, failed vows, and a marriage that dissolves after a year. You will lose everything, you will go hungry, and you will cry yourself to sleep at the ripe age of 24. Your parents will bail you out of the mess you’ve made, and you’ll live at home for a while.

2001: Does it ever get better from that point? Relationship-wise?

2015: You’ll forever have a horrible scar from the Church. You’ll witness a pastor condemn you for your action and approve your ex-wife’s wishes for the divorce. You will lose faith in the Church, but for as much hatred that you’ll build for the organization, you’ll also refuse to give into the temptation to give up on God. Why this happens, I’m still unsure to this day, but you won’t lose complete faith. You will meet a girl at Starbucks, one that’ll be built in the city north of here shortly, and in a very short amount of time you’ll help lead her to become a Christian, you’ll start dating upon your return from a trip in Guatemala, and you’ll get married nearly a year later. She’s from the city north of here, has very, very little to her name, and I caution you to be very careful with her…whether she realizes it, or not, she’s extremely fragile. Treat her with care because she will also quickly because your best friend, and you two will be inseparable. She will accept all of your awful flaws, and she’ll expect you to do the same. Do. The. Same.

2001: Was she an athlete?

2015: No, and neither are you. You’ll fail in every form of athletics, and you won’t stop growing until you’re a sophomore in college. You’ll gain the “Freshmen 15″, and you’ll lose it. Gain it, lose it. This cycle will go on about five times in your life. Your heart will be broken realizing that you will not be like your mother, or any of your relatives. You won’t succeed at basketball or football. In fact, you’ll be the waterboy the next three years in high school for football. You’ll painfully dislocate your shoulder playing basketball, and you’ll only be on varsity your senior year because…well…you’re a senior. You’ll hold the honorable title of being the only runner in school history not to letter on the track team. You’ll start doing sprints, but you’ll end high school running the 3200 meter. Good luck with that. You’ll get more serious in college in the gym, but that’s just because you’re bitter towards the people that laughed at you in high school and in college. You’ll want to “show them”, but the truth is…no one really cares about what you’re doing at that point in your life. You will start to dabble with running though…running for fun that is.

2001: Why would I ever consider that?

2015: Because you’ll always have stress issues, so much so that you’ll get sick from the stress. People around you will turn to smoking, drinking, tanning, and other vices to cope with their own stress. Out of fear for your health, and how a church-goer would view you, you decide to run as a stress relief. The interesting reality is that you’ll start to love it, especially after the divorce. In the early fall of 2011 you’ll run a mile, on the road, with a time that makes no sense to any human. Especially one like you, but it’ll be your motivation to push the envelope of what’s impossible.

2001: Will I be a tornado chaser?

2015: No. The math required to process to get into a school of meteorology will be enough that you won’t even try. You’ll settle for becoming a international missionary after high school, that’s what you’ll tell everyone and you’ll even enter the program to do so in college. You’ll last one week before you quit that major. You’ll try physical therapy and sports management, both of them you’ll leave just as quickly. Finally, your advisor will inquire upon your decision for your degree. You’ll choose politics, and then you’ll decide to get another degree in education.

2001: I become a teacher! No.

2015: Not immediately. You’ll cruise through 90 applications of hearing, “No”, and you’ll give up for a few years. You’ll substitute teach to make the monthly rent in some cases, but you’ll work at Subway (mentioned above), and also for an investment firm…where you’ll learn that car-buying is evil. You’ll even try to make your own business, a women’s soccer team.

2001: Women’s soccer? I’m an idiot. There’s no market for that around here.

2015: Eventually there will be, but after one season…you’ll fail. Financially the business will be a disaster, and you’ll walk away and hide in shame. It’ll add financial stress to you and your wife, and she’ll pray for you to get away from it. After that’s over, you’ll be fired from the investmet firm. This means you’ll take a huge paycut, and you’ll default on a student loan. Your credit score will be trashed along the way. You’ll walk away from soccer, and in all likelihood will never return. By way of desperation for income, you’ll head back into substitute teaching. This could come as a shock to you, but you’ll wind up falling in love with a middle school inside the city. You’ll be there off-and-on for two years, dealing with some students that have rough lives, and you’ll love them all. It’s strange to understand now, but there will be something about them that’ll make you never want to give up on them. In a very strange, God-kind-of-way, you’ll wind up being hired by that district to work in that middle school’s special education department. Again, though it sounds strange, you’ll come to love every moment that you have in that school. Your teaching license will expire, and you’ll dream of renewing it so that one day you’ll have your own classroom.

2001: Well, sounds like life isn’t the easiest after this point. I’m right thinking that, yes?

2015: Yes, you’ll also witness disasters, death, and some very hard personal times.

2001: So, what am I suppose to take from this? I thought people from the future brought good news about all the accomplishments you wind up finishing with, and how everything turns out in a perfect manner…

2015: Life here is anything but perfect. Between now and my time you’ll see gas prices rise to near $4.00 a gallon here, over $5.00 in California and elsewhere. The world is anything but perfect. You’re going into so naive though that you have no clue. I’ll make this clear, on several occasions you’ll lose everything and you’ll fail at everything. You will even steal food from a hotel to eat while traveling. Failure will be a teacher for you, and humility will be its aid. However, I will add this, you will overcome these hardships and you will watch God do things that no one will ever be able to comprehend and understand. Where you fail in this world, you will succeed in life beyond it.

2001: Last question…how do you remember so much of this?

2015: In 2011 you…I…started a website.

-D-

XXXI: #ClubDaugherty Christmas 2014


Merry Christmas!

Scrolling back through previous posts I noticed that last year I left a family letter to the random viewers of this page. It was a brief (haha) recap of 2013, so keeping in new tradition I assumed the role of explaining 2014 to the best of my abilities for #ClubDaugherty.

Atlantic City

Atlantic Ocean!

2014 is best explained by way of learning patience and faith. Heading into the second year of our marriage it wasn’t just learning those lessons towards each other, but also understanding and believing that God has a purpose and reason for why we exist. 2014 started off similar to the end of 2013, we were involved in women’s soccer, I was working for an investment firm, and Darco was brewing coffee (and much more).

January Darco got her first taste of the Atlantic Ocean. Due to a conference in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania we both headed out via car for the weekend.

He's 5 inches taller than me...

He’s 5 inches taller than me…

While the conference was rather…lacking (soccer). We did take the time to explore, including taking Darco to Atlantic City, New Jersey. Part of my dream has been to get Darco to see more things of the life around her, outside of just the place that she calls home. On route back we checked in with some dear friends of mine in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Ensuring that we will see them again in 2015.

 

By February Darco and I started to feel the tug at our souls by God when dealing with the Kansas City Shock. While 2013 was fun and exciting, the same pieces weren’t coming together in 2014, and we could see the writing on the wall. It was time to hang up our hats and move on. We closed down the operations of the Kansas City Shock, on somber hearts, and decided it was time to remove all these different sticks that we had placed in the fire, and focus on our strengths.

5k I

Survived another race!

With the extra time heading into March Darco and I started to pick up running. We ran races stretching from far northern Missouri to deep into Arkansas. They were primarily 5K events, but at least for one of us, it sparked the interest of running more, and more, and more. We made great friends with companies that create rehydrating beverages, and started to drastically adjust our diets. We knocked out gluten, dairy, and refined sugars. While we’re not perfect, the different has been earth shattering. 2014 was definitely a year about health, and better understanding the human body.

Epic times!

Epic times!

Towards the end of the summer Darco and I were able to take an entire week to celebrate my birthday, her birthday, and our one year anniversary. This included truck racing, her first tattoo, and seeing family that I hadn’t seen in well over five years. This week is what became known as “#ClubDaugherty” due to our random interest in EDM music, and the fact that the two of us are always together, looking to rock something new.

Darco continued to push herself towards getting promoted in Starbucks, and finally into the early fall she moved to an assistant manager’s position. It truly was God’s timing, because while we were giving praise for her advancement, a new moment of patience was about to be forced upon us. At the end of August I was let go from my work at the investment firm. While it did stir the pot on the household, it didn’t come completely off guard. We had discussed for months that we felt my time was drawing near with the company, and when it came I inherently did the one thing that I’ve always done.

Too Cool For School

But first…

I went back to substitute teaching. Similar to 2013, I was in the same school district and frequently in the same school. Eventually I wound up being in charge of a single, 6th grade science classroom for an entire month. As God would have it, after that prolonged duration inside that classroom the school wound up offering my employment in the special education department. Since that point I’ve been hanging out with middle school students throughout the week and focusing on assisting students with writing, reading, and spelling. Darco was transferred to a Starbucks located ten minutes from my school. Due to this, and her schedule, we now run the same schedule, travel together, and see each other throughout the week. A very nice change of pace.

Middle school basketball for real!

Middle school basketball for real!

We still attend the same church we started going to in 2014, but with a slight twist. We’ve started a home church with two other families in the suburbs of the metro area. Each of them have young children (with more on the way!), so I’m learning to adapt and adjust to little kids. They’re sweet as can be, but as usual God still is working patience on me. No, Darco and I are not expecting any children…for a while at least.

Obviously, FilingThePapers is still going strong. It fascinates me to see where this website/blog started, and where it currently exists. God is a God of mystery for sure. Thankfully He wraps that mystery with love, and leaves us without doubt that He’s always watching over us.

Church Photo

We’re hipsters…

2015 already appears to be an eventful year. We’re finally going to be moving down into the city, now that both of our jobs are located there. I’ll be vying for a full time classroom position for the 2015-2016 school year, and Darco looks to be promoted to a full store manager around March. We’re runners, lovers, and all sorts of weird.

Thank you all for humoring our insanity, and praying for us when we had no idea you were. Here’s to a beautiful 2015!

To Him Be The Glory,
D & Darco