Afternoon naps can wait.
What was to be a quick recharge became a REM nightmare. I woke up out of a nap…a nap…in an anxiety attack.
It was terrifying. Sweating, pulse racing, fighting nausea, and trying to figure out where I was. After a few frightening seconds I came to my senses and reflected back on the nightmare I got locked into.
I was back home. Living on scraps behind the local Subway. I had lost everything, even a motivation to live. All I cared about was life once upon a time, my undying joy of fried foods, and the reality in the middle of winter that I had nowhere to live.
That’s the dumbest, most trivial thing that I could be scared of. However, heading into the school year…I’m having fun. I’m challenged, I’m laughing, and my wife is happy because of it.
That’s a life I’m terrified to lose.
I will not go back into that darkness.
I will not.
Last week, at the pinnacle of frustration, I stopped running. I mean that I quite literally haven’t ran since last Tuesday. That’s the longest period (five days) consecutively that I haven’t done anything fitness related in well over a year. I spent the time with my wife, explaining to her why I just don’t want to run, how the fire just burned out.
it’s a strange sensation. It wasn’t that I was tired of running, and personally I was enjoying the results. However, to be honest, it’s hard to keep moving when you’re trying to impress one person…and they don’t always notice. I simply shared that to Darco, because I want her to be proud that she’s married me. The hope is that she got a guy who doesn’t play video games (usually), stays in shape, cooks, cleans, etc…Most of this stems directly from a previous marriage where my existence was debatable at best.
I suppose what I learned from all of this was a few key pieces:
You really can’t do anything by yourself. Sure, I can run by myself without issue. However, it still takes a crew of motivators, if nothing else, to keep me moving each day.
Breaks are alright. Five days worth of horrible eating, too much coffee, and dehydration. I’ve been bad on my body, but thankfully five questionable days outweigh a years worth of the same habits.
I am strong. Even though I’ve been off the running circuit lately, I’m ready to get going again. Three, four, five years ago if I would have been off, I would have easily stayed off.
Good ideas can stem from time away from the road. I’ve enjoyed my fun on the road, and I completely understand that for the vast majority of people there is no joy behind running. However, that isn’t the same as just moving. The belief, “If you’re moving, you’re winning”. I’ve chatted with Darco about making a family fitness and health blog. It may take her a while to come around, but I think that kind of side project would keep us both vested in the opportunities that exist outside of just running.
With all of that said…
I’m ready to hit the gym*.
*It’s nearly 100 degrees outside, I’ll be training inside where it’s safe.
So, it turns out there’s this store in the world named IKEA. It’s giant, blue, yellow, and full of…stuff. You can build a home, buy supplies for the home, or just chill on the furniture for your home, while eating a plate of Swedish meatballs or a cinnamon roll.
These are all true stories, and some of the things I have experienced in the past two days. A few months ago the city south of where we live opened up an IKEA. To give you an idea of this significance, the closest one past that is in Chicago. Needless to say I waited my due time to visit, and actually heading home yesterday Darco conned me into stopping by. Continue reading →
I can hear my wife sleeping. She’s been asleep for nearly three hours now. Six hours ago she arrived back into the United States from her first international mission trip. As you could imagine, she’s rather tired. I’ve checked on her a few times, but she’s just sprawled out on the bed, soaking up the air conditioning, and peacefully asleep.
A few days ago I took a class that spoke about schools failing boys in education. I thought on this concept throughout the day and into the rest of the week. I started to ponder the question of whether it’s necessarily schools that are failing boys, or if it’s men who are failing boys because they refuse to stop being boys.
Sometimes the day just doesn’t work in our favor. *gasp*
Yesterday I didn’t sleep well due to excitement, I was getting my school issued MacBook during a morning meeting. Upon arrival, way too early in the morning, I sat through two hours of ‘turning it on, and turn it off again’. It was a worthy sacrifice for the computer. However, what caught me off guard was learning that we had a second training meeting.