XXXI: Between Chaos


*tap, tap, tap, tap…*

My feet keeping beat to an unknown theme. Collections of the weeks thoughts resonate throughout my being, as my physical state remains unmoved.

Place. Position. Theme. Existence.

A desire to understand purpose with each step. Yearning to establish cause and devotion.
Why am I here? Cycles moving through life, surrounding my being, but a path I’ve never touched.

Get out. Be free.

My soul silently pleads. Nerves throughout my mortal place awaken with fire, desperation ignites in my heart.

Take the chance. Make the move.

The only voices in my head command.

Rebel. Revolt. This is your innate being.

I’m caught between two worlds. Angels and demons, right and left, whisper their secrets about my life I don’t even know.

You’re designed to explore.
Your current life is beautiful.
Stay.
Go.
Stuck.
Free.

All the time a stoich presence tightens on my face. No one knows my internal being, no one knows that I’m constantly on the brink of revolution. The silent aura hides the balance of chaos and peace that streams through my blood.
To be unattached, a place where I no longer connect. I feel my strings getting tighter, strained when attached to this daily eternity.

*…tap, tap, tap, tap…*

The consistency overshadows the brewing plot, and hidden images hide the inner workings of a torn field…stuck in balance of warring realms.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: School Bells


Spoke with the principal at the school I’ve been at for three weeks today.
Basically, my life looks something like this…
I practically have a job opening, once my certification is reactivated.
So…

I’m going to need to take a 2-3 course, one found via Univ. Of Phoenix (six week course).
After completion I’ll need to take my middle school certification exam via the department of education of our state.

Afterwards I’ll be up-to-date on certification (and will have taken my first graduate course). My objective, and prayer, figure out how to achieve this all by January 1, 2015.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Can’t Stop


I’ve been in the teacher’s shoes now. Being sick (cold), and still needing to be in class. I’m on my third week of class at a local middle school. I’ve been running off a diet of Day-Quil with a side of Ny-Quil. It’s working, but by night time I’m spent (I’m falling asleep while typing this).

Friday is my last day in my current position (unless told otherwise). I’m already becoming sad at the notion of having to move on, and back to bouncing around as a sub.

image

Free time: Making selfie signs...

Sure, some folks say, “Be prepared to stay”, but sadly…I’m not really a qualified teacher, at all. There’s no real reason why a district would want to keep me versus starving post-college educators that are desperate. Just my two cents. It makes me sad. I love what I’m doing, but the truth is what I offer isn’t necessarily enough. Yes, I pray that a miracle occurs, but I also fight to keep my heart safe. When it comes to employment I’m tired of not being good enough.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Streak


Still nothing from the state on my license renewal…
I’ve started work on my resume…
I’ll start on other school district substitute forms tomorrow…
I’ve lost my motivation to run…
My wife is chronically disappointed in me…
I applied to Walgreens today…

I fear this is what they call a losing streak…

-D-

XXXI: Imaginative Epic Monologues


*tap, tap, tap…*

I’m supposed to type something here. I have plenty of random, worthless thoughts in my head but getting them organized to type is rather challenging I’m learning.

This week has been some funky, hazy experience of…well…I’m not really sure. From nightmares including astronauts exploding and having my eyes cut out with razor blades, to running to the point that my feet go numb (we’re sure that’s not normal) I’ve actually had a difficult time of separating reality from illusions of mental games.

Does that make sense? Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Chills


No matter what I say…
No matter what I think…
No matter what I do…

Handing over any project that I’ve been working on to my superiors is one of the most terrifying experiences that I ever experience.

*slowly closing the door to my office and hiding for the rest of the day*

-D-