XXXI: Church Persona


I tend not to think of life in years as I do lifetimes. Currently, I’m on my third lifetime. I was watching some videos over at IAMSECOND, and one of the speakers brought up the point of not really understanding God’s grace until you release your church persona. It wasn’t until I heard that, that it really clicked with me.

In 2009 I was the model American Christian; I went to church, I knew scripture, I could maintain theological debates, I was in the right place. Two years following I gave up on the church image and walked away, hence the beginning of FilingThePapers.

Similar to the open road this has become my sanctuary, my reminder that God exists, that God is love, and that God cares about my repulsive, sinful soul. The rest of the world laughs at my mistakes, I personally tear myself down daily, but I can still wake up knowing God loves me for the flawed person I am. Continue reading

XXXI: Watching Space


You’re losing weight…you don’t stick out as much…

I love my wife, whether her comment above hurt or not, I still love her dearly. Perhaps it is because I’m a male that I have a fixation on the physical elements of life. Fitness, health, and the body. Nothing scientific, just the measuring point of where I stand in life. Honestly, I feel like my life has revolved around the physical glimpses of life as I’ve progressed through time. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Time Trials


It’s nothing serious, I promise.

I’ve had my smoothie for breakfast (it’s not artificial stuff…it’s peanut butter [raw], two bananas, some almond/coconut milk blend, hemp protein, and ice). Ate my salad for lunch, and it’s nearly 4:00 PM and I’m starving! I’m currently the watchman at the office since everyone else is gone, that’s no problem, minus the fact that I’m wasting away. Continue reading

XXXI: Focus


Amazing what random thoughts transpire over a steak at dinner…

While finishing up the weekend with Darco, we were enjoying dinner this evening and I was in mid-monologue about something that really struck me as unique; the inability to focus on the task at hand, and if it is temptation deviating from the overall goal?

Let me explain:
While at church this morning I thought up a fun t-shirt (in my warped world). It was rather simple, all black with white font that read My Bass Drop Is My Worship. It was a thought that tended to go against the current trend of acoustic/rock gospel music that runs through the airwaves today. Personally, I just think a crazy bass drop inside a ‘worship chorus’ would be absolutely face-melting awesome. It was something that caught my attention this morning. That turned into a clothing brand idea, which turned into a brand name, which turned into a business plan. Quite seriously that was my early afternoon while enjoying the World Cup final at Rock & Run Brewery.

With that random thought in mind, I shared it with Darco at dinner and while sharing it with her it dawned on me…

My objective is to train. My objective is to run.

I’ll gladly confess to having problems of finding five million projects to work on at once, it’s part of the curse of working with social media. You learn to ingest and create new content 24/7. That’s the expectation of the job. However, if left unchecked it can also dramatically affect your personal life also (food for thought). It was around the time that our food came out that I looked and Darco and simply said, “I think it’s temptation. There are so many things that I could be doing, but for now I have to focus. I’m to focus on training, I’m to focus on running.” The rest of life (work, family, church, etc…) moves on without a hitch, but outside of that I’ve made the specific commitment to focus on running for the next two years. Not only as a form of life, but also as growing closer in the form of my worship to my God.

Perhaps that’s another element of “XXXI”, learning to focus on what the priorities are and learning how to follow through with the commitments that you make. One of my biggest regrets/disappointments with the Kansas City Shock was knowing how many people I let down because I didn’t follow through with my word. Practically speaking I lied; I lied to people involved, fans, family, and even myself. My prayer is that “XXXI”, in a strange way, can be a form of redemption and forgiveness for the past failures and transgressions that still feel recent.

Maybe someday that shirt will be made, and maybe a new adventure will come along the horizon. For now though, I eat the food I’m supposed to eat, I lift the weights I’m supposed to lift, and I train, and I train, and I train. Each moment that the sweat is pouring, I’m praying; each moment the breathing is heavy, I’m praising.

I want my focus to be on the personal ability to demonstrate my worship to my Father.

-D-

XXXI: Body Issues


I’m going to mark my spot for being in the .01% of the United States population. I have a very strong dislike towards a recent trending topic (besides Hobby Lobby), and over the week I’ve been trying to figure out how I should address it, how I should write, and what I really dislike so much.

After eating two hard boiled eggs, a container of pineapples, and leftovers from dinner last night I think I know where to start.

I cannot stand the ESPN Magazine: Body Issue Continue reading

XXXI: Elite


Currently: Into the evening ritual that includes laying my feet upon pieces of ice for twenty minutes at a time. This can only mean on thing…
…story time.

While I’m stuck on the couch for the next hour-or-so, there was a story that came to mind that felt needing to be shared with you, the reader. A bit of a taste of what “XXXI” is about, its strange intent, ideas, and images. Sadly, it tends to revolve around one word that, over the years, I have grown to strongly despise: Elite. Continue reading

XXXI: Endless Dreams


God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.
-Chariots of Fire-

Dearest Reader,

Welcome to “XXXI”, the fourth installment of thought at FilingThePapers.com. After careful prayer, determination, outlining, and working with my wife; we’re thrilled that today we can bring you this exciting new chapter. Unlike “X”, “O”, and “XO”, “XXXI” is going to take a different path of insight and thought. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: #HobbyLobby


I’m not a frequent one to post much of any in depth thought towards a post during the early hours of Monday (it’s still early in my world), but the sheer stupidity of today (ALREADY!) has me sitting in front of a keyboard for the sake of my own sanity.

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about arts and crafts. My Facebook newsfeed along with my Twitter timeline are crammed full of pseudo-political activist, religious nuts, and even worse…real politicians. What is the buzz all about? One arts and crafts store and a Supreme Court ruling.

Had this been five years ago I would have taken the time to explain the story behind the 5-4 ruling in the Supreme Court over religious beliefs, and healthcare regulations based on government offerings by way of birth control (vaguely put). Frankly though, I’m pretty done with wasting that much energy on the topic when I could be doing something more productive. Like working on a Monday morning in my office.

But with that said…

Let’s get a few things out of the way:
First the first group, the regulation of birth control within one overpriced, slowly dying arts and crafts store isn’t dooming the United States anytime soon. For the vast minority who work at Hobby Lobby that are still young enough to have children, just give it some time, receive your “going out of business” notification in a few years, and get a new job. Also, there does lie the potential for a change in employment opportunities within your life. We could argue that the government doesn’t have the constitutional right to dictate the operations of a private corporation, and that liberty of choice is entitled to everyone; even business owners, but that concept is way too complicated, way too edged, and…frankly my lunch and coffee is more important to get to compared to that mess of a topic.

Now, as for the other group…
You still have the NRA, Focus on the Family, and Joel Olsteen in your corner. Don’t become drunk on pride for the monumental victory because a court ruling isn’t bringing Jesus back down here anytime sooner. Let it be known that because of your political advocacy, and ignorance of understand that worldly rulings do not dictate the way you should act unto other people…your fruit, is rotten. Don’t be of the world, just be in the place, don’t thumb up your nose at those people because they’ll likely be the same ones that God’ll ask you about during your own judgement. Have fun on Facebook with your gloating and self righteous acts, but know that your attitude, acknowledgement, and acceptance of “victory” isn’t assisting in filling your empty sanctuary each Sunday.

Personally…Hobby Lobby is overpriced, their model train selection is very, very depressing, and I smell like a nursing home each time I leave the building. But hey, that’s just my thought on the dramatic matter. Then again…I’m a male.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: One More…


One more full day.
One more Monday.
One more 24 hour cycle.

Then, it gets real.

I’m overly excited about July 1, 2014. There’s a lot going on mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I can easily say that the next chapter of FilingThePapers has definitely had a considerate amount of prayer infused into its unique workings and structure. There’s just a cool element that’s never been taken into consideration through the growth of the writing content of this website, blog, personal journal, etc…

Who knows, perhaps to the reader it really won’t matter much. It may become a bit cliche for some, but that’s alright. In the beginning FilingThePapers was merely an illustration of the journey of divorce. The pain, frustration, and overall hopelessness that comes with it. It’s matured as the years have passed, and I’m grateful for that. I suppose where the first three chapters have focused strongly on the external world around me, and learning to adapt to an ever evolving environment; the fourth chapter is going deep into the internal workings of mind, body, and soul. The hard questions get asked, and more importantly, the limits will be pushed. Where the term self-discipline was mentioned in the past three chapters, it becomes a building block of the fourth.

I can’t sleep at the moment because I’ve drank WAY too much coffee this evening (Tornado Warning and all that fun stuff), and because I’m very, very excited about the upcoming adventure. I’ve never been a person to plot out the journey of life, to meditate, pray, and focus on God’s voice rather than my own. Just the honest truth, that’s what makes the fourth chapter so exciting.

Grabbing Darco's phone because mine was dead...

There was a Tornado Warning issued with this one.

It’s no longer solely about the life that I live, but instead aims at demonstrating a mission that God controls.

-D-