Mobile Minutes: Trying to Grow


God only knows that I’m trying to grow up. These past two weekends I’ve tried to adjust priorities in order to create a more financial sound, cleaner, and organized household.

As simple as it sounds, I’ve aimed at making lounging and cartoons go towards the bottom of the list. In turn it’s replaced with training, cleaning, and cooking.

Slowly but surely there are glimmers of hope. I replaced the tires on the Mazda and purchased new wiper blades. I opted out of watch parties for soccer yesterday so that two weeks of laundry could get washed. I’m losing some sleep tonight, but all food for this week is being purchased and prepped tonight.

It’s without excuse…

That’s the whole premise I’m trying to live off of at the moment. If God provides us, a family, with an opportunity to grow we are without excuse of we don’t follow through. That means through health, love, commitment, finances, etc…

This also means my role as a husband. Am I doing enough? Are my priorities correct? Am I working hard enough to lead? It’s been alright, but these past two weekends have been better. Does that make sense? I’m just trying to lead through example, not just through my words, and just…trying to grow up.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: On Its Way


I still remember the time like it was a ‘flashbulb memory’…

Alone, around 3:30 AM, I sat in the office inside the underground apartment that I had called home for nearly six months. I didn’t have a job, and throughout the night to combat the lacking of sleepiness (because I was doing nothing with my life), I would fill out teaching applications.

  1. Log on to the site that had all school teaching positions open
  2. Locate schools that were looking for social studies teachers
  3. Access their website
  4. Print off their application
  5. Start typing

I lost count at 92 applications. My wife had already given up on me teaching, I had started to work at Subway, and every-so-often I would go and substitute teach at a local school. I’d hear teachers comment on openings, wondering if I was applying, and it was the same dog-and-pony trick every week.

It wears on an individual to want to teach, but to never be qualified for a school. By qualified I mean that I didn’t know the right people. I’d given up on coaching, my own room, stability, all of it…and that was before the divorce.

I only paint this rather strange picture, because five years later in my living room I clicked “submit” all over again. Now, Facebook is an IPO, Twitter exists, and my phone can easily replace a desktop computer. Even stranger, I didn’t just send in an application off a whim, I was ‘encouraged’ by individuals at school today to follow the protocol and submit an application.

Yes, you read that correctly, after two and a half years I just submitted an official application to teach in the school I’ve been in and out of for the past several semesters.

I’m nervous. I’m anxious. I’m so excited.

Praying that this one will be right…

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


That much closer.
I’ve taken the college course.
I’ve submitted my transcripts.
I’ve requested a review for new certification based off education.
Now…
I’ve “unofficially” passed the professional knowledge test set by the state for middle school.

I’m so ready for a contract.

image

He keeps me patient and hungry.

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


Half-awake…
Still looking for coffee…
This is my Sunday…

However, when I pulled into church this morning I spotted a unique being in the parking lot. After I had let my mind process I realized, “Hey! That’s one of my students!”

Sure enough, one of my students from school was walking into the church with their mother. I hopped over and greeted both of them, and awkwardly added a few statements before heading into the building.

Personally, I love this. I love that a student can see me outside of school, and at a place where I have another chance to assist in building a foundation for them.

That’s worth some praise.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Where There’s Smoke…


I felt guilt throughout the day because I wasn’t at church tonight. I had made the choice to stay home and finish my final for class instead of heading out.

Thankfully, as the demonstration below shows, God still works even when you’re not in church.

This all took place about ten minutes ago:

I had just finished a lesson for my unit when the cat (AKA The Dark One) got up from his nap, ears perched back. I too shut off the music and was trying to figure out what this buzzing noise was coming from. At first I thought it was our refrigerator, but the noise was actually coming outside the door. I opened the door to see smoke filling the atrium of our apartment. Out comes a man, holding his right arm, with a look of disbelief on his face.

What happened?

I had a grease fire…

So, first I kicked him out of his apartment. Made sure the stove was turned off (fire was out at this point, ceiling is black with smoke). He grabs his puppies (literally) and gets out. 911 gets called due to the fact that he had burns down his right arm and nearly his entire face.

I got him into my apartment, trying to get him to sit down (he was obviously in shock), and talked with the emergency dispatch until the ambulance and fire department showed up. They wound up carting him away to the emergency room, his grandpa picked up the puppies (because I know you were concerned about their well being), and the fire department deemed the apartment safe.

Incredibly, not a single neighbor in our building stepped out to see what was going on through the entire duration of the event. Makes me a little happier that I decided to stay home this evening.

-D-

XXXI: Not My Own


It’s 9:30 PM and I’m sitting in the living room eating tacos from the kitchen. i’ve just finished another anime episode and I fell asleep on the couch; requiring Darco to wake me up for bed. It’s been that kind of day.

Absolute exhaustion and trying times.

Yesterday was a mess. Between some student loan issues (imagine that), screwing up an assignment for class, and just a failure to adapt to the classroom, it was not a pleasant experience. I was in a rather foul mood last night by the time I left school, and I was hoping (and seriously praying) that today would be different. Thankfully, this was the case. I’m not stating that the day was perfect in comparison to yesterday, but I am going to say that God was able to change my mindset and expectations, so that I could work in an area I love with a more humble soul.

Twice, in the past six months, I’ve failed to gain a classroom position inside the school. The first time it created a horrible sense of bitterness internally, but in the end I had to accept the reality that I didn’t hold the legal requirements to teach. Why should I be mad at someone else for the mistakes I’ve made? With that memory in mind I was able to handle the news of potentially missing out on another classroom position this week. Through this process I started to see the pattern that I’ve become a hypocrite in front of my own students…

So many times I’ve complained about students having this sense of entitlement when they’re in school, “Well, I earned this.” or “Well, I deserve that.” can be heard as distant echoes down the hallway. It’s rather irritating to hear and very discouraging when thinking of what the future could hold for them in this very hostile, unfriendly world.

I say that while with the same mouth and mind I can hear myself saying, out of bitterness…

I’m mad because I’ve earned this opportunity…

I’m upset because I deserve to have this chance…

Doesn’t matter the age, the reality is the same. I’m no different compared to my own students. I have this horrible, worldly sensation that punctures my soul with greed. The truth is, is that I don’t even deserve the job that I currently have. The bitter reality is knowing that there’s nothing in these previous four years of life that indicate I even deserve the life that I’ve been given. Classroom? Trying deserving the wife I have, a supportive family, loving friends, a healthy life, etc…

Who am I to seek entitlement for a life I don’t even deserve?

it was a hard, bitter pill to swallow. Recognizing how fallen I am, and how dirty I’ve become. Realizing this is why it became easier to accept my position, cling to my school, and stop worrying about all the details and just live an enjoyable life. I can firmly say that, that in itself is a blessing that I’ve missed for years.

Maybe this is just another one of my random rants about life. i’ve missed out twice on the hopes of having a real classroom for the next school year, and I’m thankful that God’s prepared my soul to handle the understanding that sometimes His timing and our own for our lives don’t always match up.

I have to require my soul to be alright with understanding that I cannot be in control of my life.

It wasn’t my own to start with anyways…

-D-