XXXI: Watching Space


You’re losing weight…you don’t stick out as much…

I love my wife, whether her comment above hurt or not, I still love her dearly. Perhaps it is because I’m a male that I have a fixation on the physical elements of life. Fitness, health, and the body. Nothing scientific, just the measuring point of where I stand in life. Honestly, I feel like my life has revolved around the physical glimpses of life as I’ve progressed through time. Continue reading

XO: Running Weekend


I’m trying to keep my eyelids open as I type this…there may be typing with the eyes shut. Excuse the typos.

I have dirt on my hands and legs, something weird is throbbing in my right foot, and I have a rather epic sunburn.

Running season is here.

Today Darco and I finished our second 5K race of the 2014 year with a trail run through the timber along the Kansas River. We were not prepared for the trail [no pavement, literal trail], so needless to say we were rather ‘punk’d’ by today’s events. However, we survived for another day. Overall the weekend was a blur, fast, and tiring. Though I don’t believe that either of us regrets it. When life throws you a curve ball; family tends to be about the only thing that you have to rely on. This is the case as of late; we’re both trying to figure out ‘what is next’ after the collapse of the soccer team, some changes in her plan of action for work, and just life as a whole.

I tell you the truth; predicting your life events is just as worthless as predicting the weather. We’re definitely ‘minimizing’ life a bit. With the running going on; diet [what we eat, not starving ourselves...there's a difference] is vital, so that kicks out eating at restaurants. In turn that saves money, and allows us to work on repairing our expenses. It just requires a little extra self discipline.

My days Monday through Friday tend to be rather routine now; I’ll head to work. Stay there until 4:00 or 5:00. Stop at Jim and MC’s house to go run [country running is a must for me], and then I’ll head home around 7:30 or 8:00 at night. Between all of that is a cup of coffee, a lot of water, a few meals, and coconut water to hydrate. I’m 100% with this life. Basic focus points allow us to take care of requirements, while still focusing on dedication to a better self.

We work, we train, we get paid, we pay bills, and we repeat. Frankly, it’s just going to be that way for a while. There’s no point in adding debt to life when we have a unique opportunity to extinguish so much of it over the upcoming summer months.

It’s nice to have someone to fight the spending habits with. The truth is Darco is terrified of spending money if it doesn’t have to deal with bills, fuel, or food. I know there’s probably a huge majority reading this thinking, “Hey, that’s what I spend my money on too.”

I’m learning, painfully, that as much as we’d wish; we can’t run through life spraying, praying, and hoping God cleans up all of our problems and we never face consequences. Divorces, failures, out of breath 5K races can all be pulled back to mistakes made. More importantly is how we recover from the mistakes. Do we continue to be reckless, thinking, “Oh, God’s got it…”, or do we make adjustments to realize, “God expects me to be responsible with what I’ve been given”? At the moment, I’m learning the second one. Let’s face facts; since this website started God has blessed me with some pretty awesome people, travels, and adventures. It’s been a riot to be a part of His glorious plan, but He also expects me to be responsible. Something that I’m not a big fan of, but am learning [through running] that is a necessity for life.

Example: Looking at my training schedule this week I’m looking to hit between 20-25 miles worth of running. There’s no coach, there’s no gym, there’s no command. It’s just myself, my shoes, and the open road. No one is holding my feet to the fire; I do it because I know it’s required to become better at what I enjoy; running races. Life in general is no different; we have to practice self-discipline in order to have a better enjoyment of the life God’s given us.

I thought that I would hate this realization; knowing that I have to slow down, take inventory, get my house in order, and restructure life. A lot has changed and I haven’t taken the time to adjust to those changes. Part of it was denial, and part of it was just refusing to face hard questions. Nobody enjoys failure or rejection, but it will make one stronger later in life.

As for now, I’m off to bed. Cool analytic nerd stuff for work this week, training picks back up on Tuesday, and another beautiful week that God has given.

Oh…and here’s a fun shot from our ‘haul’ over the races this weekend:

All sorts of fun goodies from this weekend; including pretzels!

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Battles & Wars


The battle may be the lost, but the war isn’t over…
-Some Famous Guy & My High School Social Studies Teacher-

Today was a troublesome day, there are hints of events today that have mirrored events from three years ago. There has been a battle going on, and today I’m facing the reality that the battle is lost.

I can’t go into the details at the moment due to legal reasoning, but after a long, peaceful conversation with Darco, and meditating on what God wants us to do, we’ve made some sad, hard choices in the past twenty four hours. I’m a firm believer that it’s for the best of everyone, and that we will grow from it, but immediate injuries, while they do eventually heal, are hard to handle. Currently I’m struggling to handle that reality.

To keep life fresh, Darco and I have embarked on a new journey of the sorts [more on a later date] while cleaning up the final mess of the past year. Sadly, regrettably, much like the divorce; enemies have been made and the true character of individuals has been shown. The temptation is to gossip, create chaos, and attempt to ruin the reputation of a few, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

Incredibly I find myself in the same position while trying to figure out what to think of my now ex-wife. In the end it just came down to the choice of forgiving and moving on, or stewing in anger for years to come. While not easy [or always perfect], the first choice helped out life greatly, looking back. Knowing that spurns me to make the same choice again. Just to forgive and move on. Why should a Christian fight a Christian? What’s the point? Aside from driving people away from God? I say this with humility, and not even with an ounce of pride [if any was left], I’m fine with turning the other cheek.

I’ll tell you why…

Because while I find problems, sorrow, grief, and other problems on a daily basis; I know two absolute truths:
-God still loves me, and hasn’t given up on me.
-I have a beautiful wife waiting for me when I get home.

That second reason [which correlates to the first] is enough inspiration to walk away from any fight. The world is a scary place, and people are mean to each other, but knowing that there is one person on this earth that wants to see your face, that once to hold your hand, and wants to walk through the purifying fires of life, that’s enough for me to tune out the rest of the world.

I guess when it’s all said and done; deeds are finished and papers are signed; I’m facing a moment where I’ve lost a battle, but when I see my wife’s face in the evening…

…I’ve already won the war.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Grace Is Silence


Darco and I have been working on grace. Specifically myself demonstrating it. Throughout the Bible is speaks of grace that God demonstrates…nearly non-stop in many instances.

Well, if we’re to be Christ-like, and God is grace…then we’re to demonstrate grace, yes?

Personally, I look at the worst quality of my innate existence, and aim at what grace is in that medium.

I’m quick to pull the trigger, use words as weapons, and emotions at ammunition. If my mouth opens, or the keys begin to type, control can be lost easily.

So, how would I demonstrate grace when knowing this?

Silence. Learning that talking, typing, texting, etc…isn’t always the answer. If we wait in silence, patiently expecting the whisper in the breeze, we could be surprised at the final product. Sure, this isn’t the exact concept of grace for everyone.

As for myself though…maybe less really is more.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Reflective


I’ve got this one.

My comment as I laid out the card to cover the beers on the table. Another night at Rock & Run Brewery. I had met with a man about soccer, not knowing what I’d actually discover.

I met a man nearly in tears. Unemployed, divorced, and trying to find a path in the world.

Sound familiar?

It’s the first time I’ve sat on the other end of those conversations. The questions, thoughts, and fear streaming from an unknown world. My stomach twisted listening to the recent path of sorrow he had lived, all too well understanding some of his fears.

The least I could do was grab the bill.

A lot of people did the same for me…

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Afternoon


image

…I’ll see you in the afternoon.

These were the words I received from my supervisor yesterday after work. Yesterday I was able to witness the marketing crisis of our time: no sleep and no food.

We went from 8:30 to 5:30 yesterday. Same conference room, strategizing marketing themes for the next year.

Mentally I was gone last night. Thankfully, my relief was found in the grand opening of Rock & Run Brewery, a place where the Kansas City Shock is encouraged to call home. It was a blast, a fun night, and much needed after that work load.

Currently: Heading back into Kansas City to the office. A new project awaits, and I’m much more alert.

Very thankful for being able to earn my wage.

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


Cat isn’t sick.
Carpet is clean.
New cat litter.
Grocery list made.
Coupons clipped.
Meal plan designed.

Finally! After months of problems, chaos, and stress Darco and I are finally getting things sorted out. How blessed we are that God is giving us the chance to breathe.

A shot of tonight’s sunset:

image

-D-