XXXI: Running Fuel


What gets you around the track? To lift the weights? The go the distance?

Fuel.

Not just the physical food context, but the mental drive to overcome the shortcomings that our mind places before us.

What is your fuel?

I try to envision the future, I try to dream of the impossible, and keep my feet moving one step at a time. However, eventually I grow tired and I begin to reach for hidden cheats, the known pieces of life that can drive anyone beyond the pain threshold.

Anger, bitterness, hate.

Using negativity to fuel the drive to overcome will merely place your name among those who have failed to ascend above God, Himself.

I still hate. I’ve covered it up, masked it the best I could, but it still sits there. Knowing that I’ll explore that dark world when the miles begin to add. Broken promises, bad relationships, failed marriages, and manipulated moments…I’m still a broken man that struggles with hatred. It’s not just the context of being frustrated, it’s the dark area of the soul where you swear by things unknown that you will rise over those who ridiculed, yelled, and walked away.

Only God could accept a man still struggling with hatred. Only God would allow a man to run, knowing each mile he’ll have the option of fuel.

Will destiny, faith, and humility ever guide my way? Am I too broken to get past what’s been destroyed? Will the hatred ever go away?

I don’t know, I really don’t. Darco knows my demons, and demonstrates patience each time they’re brought up. I can only pray that this is an assistant coach training an athlete to become self disciplined in the soul, as he is to be on the track.

-D-

XXXI: Church Persona


I tend not to think of life in years as I do lifetimes. Currently, I’m on my third lifetime. I was watching some videos over at IAMSECOND, and one of the speakers brought up the point of not really understanding God’s grace until you release your church persona. It wasn’t until I heard that, that it really clicked with me.

In 2009 I was the model American Christian; I went to church, I knew scripture, I could maintain theological debates, I was in the right place. Two years following I gave up on the church image and walked away, hence the beginning of FilingThePapers.

Similar to the open road this has become my sanctuary, my reminder that God exists, that God is love, and that God cares about my repulsive, sinful soul. The rest of the world laughs at my mistakes, I personally tear myself down daily, but I can still wake up knowing God loves me for the flawed person I am. Continue reading

XXXI: Watching Space


You’re losing weight…you don’t stick out as much…

I love my wife, whether her comment above hurt or not, I still love her dearly. Perhaps it is because I’m a male that I have a fixation on the physical elements of life. Fitness, health, and the body. Nothing scientific, just the measuring point of where I stand in life. Honestly, I feel like my life has revolved around the physical glimpses of life as I’ve progressed through time. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Hamming It Up


Hamming It Up

It’s the only positive phrase I could think of for the moment.

Across the street from the track that I train at is a rather large, paved hillside. It’s a street that isn’t too frequently occupied with moving traffic. Because of this, and looking at the need to continue to increase in strength and health; I felt today was a great day to concur the hill with some self-satisfying sprint work.

My body did not agree.

I haven’t “sprinted” 100% since my sophomore year of college. During which time I suffered a nasty hamstring injury (from not warming up mind you), and lived in fear of ever approaching that mark again. That was until today, after my first successful series on the hill I came down to refocus. I took off the second time and felt good, so good that without thinking I just kicked in another gear and started sprint up the hill… Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Too Fast


I’m still recovering…

I started the 1600 meter way too fast on the first lap, I was dying by the third, and going insane on the fourth. I finished with a time that’s better versus where it has been (near a six minute drop since May). It isn’t good enough by any means, but it is progress.

More importantly though was the questions I fielded from Darco afterwards while I was working on a post-run snack. The questions showed me that she saw that I was serious about this two year commitment (I even turned down an opportunity for ice cream tonight). It makes me happy knowing that she saw through those four laps that I am completely insane, but I’m also completely dedicated.

God made me to run, and we’re going to show the world that.

-D-

XXXI: Focus


Amazing what random thoughts transpire over a steak at dinner…

While finishing up the weekend with Darco, we were enjoying dinner this evening and I was in mid-monologue about something that really struck me as unique; the inability to focus on the task at hand, and if it is temptation deviating from the overall goal?

Let me explain:
While at church this morning I thought up a fun t-shirt (in my warped world). It was rather simple, all black with white font that read My Bass Drop Is My Worship. It was a thought that tended to go against the current trend of acoustic/rock gospel music that runs through the airwaves today. Personally, I just think a crazy bass drop inside a ‘worship chorus’ would be absolutely face-melting awesome. It was something that caught my attention this morning. That turned into a clothing brand idea, which turned into a brand name, which turned into a business plan. Quite seriously that was my early afternoon while enjoying the World Cup final at Rock & Run Brewery.

With that random thought in mind, I shared it with Darco at dinner and while sharing it with her it dawned on me…

My objective is to train. My objective is to run.

I’ll gladly confess to having problems of finding five million projects to work on at once, it’s part of the curse of working with social media. You learn to ingest and create new content 24/7. That’s the expectation of the job. However, if left unchecked it can also dramatically affect your personal life also (food for thought). It was around the time that our food came out that I looked and Darco and simply said, “I think it’s temptation. There are so many things that I could be doing, but for now I have to focus. I’m to focus on training, I’m to focus on running.” The rest of life (work, family, church, etc…) moves on without a hitch, but outside of that I’ve made the specific commitment to focus on running for the next two years. Not only as a form of life, but also as growing closer in the form of my worship to my God.

Perhaps that’s another element of “XXXI”, learning to focus on what the priorities are and learning how to follow through with the commitments that you make. One of my biggest regrets/disappointments with the Kansas City Shock was knowing how many people I let down because I didn’t follow through with my word. Practically speaking I lied; I lied to people involved, fans, family, and even myself. My prayer is that “XXXI”, in a strange way, can be a form of redemption and forgiveness for the past failures and transgressions that still feel recent.

Maybe someday that shirt will be made, and maybe a new adventure will come along the horizon. For now though, I eat the food I’m supposed to eat, I lift the weights I’m supposed to lift, and I train, and I train, and I train. Each moment that the sweat is pouring, I’m praying; each moment the breathing is heavy, I’m praising.

I want my focus to be on the personal ability to demonstrate my worship to my Father.

-D-

XXXI: Elite


Currently: Into the evening ritual that includes laying my feet upon pieces of ice for twenty minutes at a time. This can only mean on thing…
…story time.

While I’m stuck on the couch for the next hour-or-so, there was a story that came to mind that felt needing to be shared with you, the reader. A bit of a taste of what “XXXI” is about, its strange intent, ideas, and images. Sadly, it tends to revolve around one word that, over the years, I have grown to strongly despise: Elite. Continue reading

XXXI: Endless Dreams


God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.
-Chariots of Fire-

Dearest Reader,

Welcome to “XXXI”, the fourth installment of thought at FilingThePapers.com. After careful prayer, determination, outlining, and working with my wife; we’re thrilled that today we can bring you this exciting new chapter. Unlike “X”, “O”, and “XO”, “XXXI” is going to take a different path of insight and thought. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Upcoming Excerpt


It’s 13 days away, but I’m getting super pumped for the next chapter of FilingThePapers [that and I'm sick of cleaning things up]. So, tonight I figured I’d provide a taste of what the next two years may have in store for the reader [and give you the fair opportunity to jump ship now]. Enjoy… Continue reading