XXXI: Fresh Start 2.0


What if we got our Christmas present early this year? We can grab it on Black Friday probably…

Thankfully, I’m still in awe at how good God is to us, especially considering that none of us deserve any of His grace. It’s been an adventurous, heart warming past couple weeks for Darco and myself. As noted in the earlier post, I was offered a teaching position at the school of my dreams for next year. I gladly accepted. Darco’s review for promotion was yesterday, and again I’m humbled to report that she also was promoted to store manager of her Starbucks location in the city. These are both major changes for both of our careers, each of which we hold delicately and passionately. Continue reading

XXXI: Through The Motions


I can’t even express to you the struggle of motivation that i’ve faced throughout today. In some instances Saturday’s are the best, but in others they are the absolute worst. Waking up late, snacking on random chocolate pieces throughout the apartment, and catching up on past television shows.

All while knowing that I need to go to the gym, get my daily run in, lift weights, and as some older generations have stated, “blow the stink off of me”.

It’s just hard to get going. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Midnight Musings


It’s almost midnight…

I’ve been thinking of new projects, ideas, and adventures in coming months. I think I’m going about it the wrong way. I get these desires to split my identity into multiple directions (running, marketing, writing, music, teaching, missions…), and what I’m watching is the fact that I’m diluting the most powerful branding image…

Me.

I don’t need a site for cooking, or a site for running, or a site for writing. I just need to be me. Readers decide if they’re going to understand my thought process all on one page, and it isn’t my responsibility to be apologetic about it, right?

Yes, I can write about marriage, running, and rave parties in the same blog because it all revolves around one element: my unique identity.

I suppose in some instances I’ve lost contact with the internal artist that creates the abstract that is my mind*.

Naturally, that all starts right here at FilingThePapers.com.

-D-

*Yuppiest thing I’ve ever said…

Mobile Minutes: Average


Perhaps it’s the biggest lie I’ve ever told myself. Time and time again I hear a preacher say, usually with passion and fire, “God uses and used average, everyday people!”

I’m closing in on 30 years of life and I’m slowly starting to accept my fear.

I’m average.

I’m not an Olympian, professional athlete, world renowned business owner, or genius.

I’m a married man with a steady income. I’m going to wind up with 2.3 kids, a white picket fence, and a mortgage.

I suppose the earlier I begin to accept these realities the sooner life will level out.

God uses average people…

I can only hope…

-D-

XXXI: Not My Own


It’s 9:30 PM and I’m sitting in the living room eating tacos from the kitchen. i’ve just finished another anime episode and I fell asleep on the couch; requiring Darco to wake me up for bed. It’s been that kind of day.

Absolute exhaustion and trying times.

Yesterday was a mess. Between some student loan issues (imagine that), screwing up an assignment for class, and just a failure to adapt to the classroom, it was not a pleasant experience. I was in a rather foul mood last night by the time I left school, and I was hoping (and seriously praying) that today would be different. Thankfully, this was the case. I’m not stating that the day was perfect in comparison to yesterday, but I am going to say that God was able to change my mindset and expectations, so that I could work in an area I love with a more humble soul.

Twice, in the past six months, I’ve failed to gain a classroom position inside the school. The first time it created a horrible sense of bitterness internally, but in the end I had to accept the reality that I didn’t hold the legal requirements to teach. Why should I be mad at someone else for the mistakes I’ve made? With that memory in mind I was able to handle the news of potentially missing out on another classroom position this week. Through this process I started to see the pattern that I’ve become a hypocrite in front of my own students…

So many times I’ve complained about students having this sense of entitlement when they’re in school, “Well, I earned this.” or “Well, I deserve that.” can be heard as distant echoes down the hallway. It’s rather irritating to hear and very discouraging when thinking of what the future could hold for them in this very hostile, unfriendly world.

I say that while with the same mouth and mind I can hear myself saying, out of bitterness…

I’m mad because I’ve earned this opportunity…

I’m upset because I deserve to have this chance…

Doesn’t matter the age, the reality is the same. I’m no different compared to my own students. I have this horrible, worldly sensation that punctures my soul with greed. The truth is, is that I don’t even deserve the job that I currently have. The bitter reality is knowing that there’s nothing in these previous four years of life that indicate I even deserve the life that I’ve been given. Classroom? Trying deserving the wife I have, a supportive family, loving friends, a healthy life, etc…

Who am I to seek entitlement for a life I don’t even deserve?

it was a hard, bitter pill to swallow. Recognizing how fallen I am, and how dirty I’ve become. Realizing this is why it became easier to accept my position, cling to my school, and stop worrying about all the details and just live an enjoyable life. I can firmly say that, that in itself is a blessing that I’ve missed for years.

Maybe this is just another one of my random rants about life. i’ve missed out twice on the hopes of having a real classroom for the next school year, and I’m thankful that God’s prepared my soul to handle the understanding that sometimes His timing and our own for our lives don’t always match up.

I have to require my soul to be alright with understanding that I cannot be in control of my life.

It wasn’t my own to start with anyways…

-D-

XXXI: Heading Home


There are two phrases that I grew to hate as an adolescent:

Are you going to be a preacher someday?

You’d make a great teacher!

My selfish ego revolves around not doing what people expect me to do, and constantly rebelling against the expectations of those around me. There’s nothing Biblical about this principle, but 27 years into this life I think I have enough research to support to theory of my own behaviorisms.

To this day I still make a solid stance in never having a desire to speak from a pulpit. There’s nothing in my heart that desires it, and after several years of being on a lot of different paths with my relationship with Christ I can affirm that, that is not a position for me.

With that said, the second group I must apologize to, raise my sword by two hands and lay it at your feet in the form of a surrender. Truly, I was designed to be a teacher.

Continue reading