I threw the water bottle down on the ground…
I kicked my bag into the closet…
I tapped my inner-middle school student and had an untimely meltdown tonight. Stress that I’d kept in just erupted into a tantrum that’d make a five year old blush.
I was tired, angry, and felt that no one was listening.
Praise God, Darco exists. She walked up to me, grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes and slowly, calmly said…
You are tired. You are angry. Calm down and come to bed.
I obeyed. Shaking, breathing heavy, but the gentleness of that soul was enough to bring me down off the tirade.
The explosion stems from the mass amount of stress at work that I can’t show to the students. They don’t deserve that. It comes from knee pain from running. It comes from going three days in a row from 5:30 AM to 11:30 PM. It comes from only seeing Darco while we’re both awake this week for a grand total of six hours.
With a deep breath, I’ll try to calm my soul to rest…
I’m not country, and I’m not really urban or suburbian…I’m just…here. However, I grew up in a rural, farming community through my childhood.
Relationships, the thing that eluded me through my adolescent years, were based on a few key things: Continue reading →
I tend not to think of life in years as I do lifetimes. Currently, I’m on my third lifetime. I was watching some videos over at IAMSECOND, and one of the speakers brought up the point of not really understanding God’s grace until you release your church persona. It wasn’t until I heard that, that it really clicked with me.
In 2009 I was the model American Christian; I went to church, I knew scripture, I could maintain theological debates, I was in the right place. Two years following I gave up on the church image and walked away, hence the beginning of FilingThePapers.
Similar to the open road this has become my sanctuary, my reminder that God exists, that God is love, and that God cares about my repulsive, sinful soul. The rest of the world laughs at my mistakes, I personally tear myself down daily, but I can still wake up knowing God loves me for the flawed person I am. Continue reading →
I think this’ll most likely be the last “XO” post at http://www.filingthepapers.com. I can firmly able to say that I’m ready to see “XO” fade off into the sunset (or tragically burn in a fire…either really works).
FilingThePapers is finally clean again; the months entries have been organized for the most part. There are five days left until the next chapter is ready to launch, so please excuse if the site goes down, disappears, has spelling errors, or posts random photos of the “dark one”. Continue reading →
The training session was terrible. I’m so, so sick of being overweight. You have no idea.
Outside of that though; tonight was beautiful. Jo chatted with me this evening via WhatsApp, and her, myself, and Darco will be running in the 2015 GöteborgsVarvet Half Marathon in Gothenburg, Sweden. I’m pumped, Darco is stoked, and Jo is thrilled to see us after several years. It’ll be a fun trip at the end of next May. Turns out 64,000 people run in this half marathon (13.1 miles), so at least we won’t have anything focused on us.
Besides that, the true highlight was hanging out at a Bible Study/Church Planting session with a few families of the church that Darco and I have recently been attending. It was nice. We were around people and families that we had never really spent time around. We had conversations, dialogues, and yes…even laughed [a lot]. It was wonderful, I felt being in a house dreaming up new ideas of spiritual movements within the community. Darco met a woman who is a huge clean eating advocate, a connection that Darco needs and frequently lacks. It also helps us get a little closer to the church body, as we have struggled in past months to connect.
It felt good. For a split second or few, it felt like home.