Tag Archives: Love

June 6, 2013

O: Banana Pancakes

By D

I told myself that I’d never do anything to any cheesy effects of Jack Johnson, John Mayer, or Train…

I went two for three.

I find it fascinating that this time last year I was wrapping up the first volume of FilingThePapers; the section well known as “X“. The primary focal point about the immediate recovery of divorce and moving on in my own life. With the adventure of Guatemala really making its mark of a year from the divorce; I started over with volume two, labeled “O” [Get it yet? X's and O's?...hehe...]. The second volume really emphasized growth, it wasn’t aimed so much at reflection as much as it was moving forward; most notably the theme tended to unintentionally revolve around the creation of the Kansas City Shock and seeing God’s hand do marvelous, inexpiable things with the program, including the kick-off of this sports team just a few weeks ago. I never really thought about where “O” would end. With “X” I had a game plan, a blue print, an idea of how to wrap it up. How do wrap the continuation of ones life? I think my girlfriend answered it without realizing it.

It’s been a crazy, crazy week. On Monday, after ten years of service, I stepped away from Subway for good. It wasn’t planned to be this prompt, but it was coming. There were several factors adding to the eventual moment that took place on Monday, some on my end some on my employers end. Insanely “Mobile Minutes: Equipment Check” really was a key for me. I went into Monday’s meeting knowing that there was a strong likelihood I’d leave without being employed with Subway. Because of that it really didn’t hurt when the truth came out of what was taking place. Now, in this process I did lose the company car and the ultrabook [laptop] because they were company property. I’ve been adjusting, but am already looking for own ultrabook because I like my eight year old laptop…but it is just that…eight years old. Thankfully, God has blessed me with a truck that won’t die. Seriously. It was over 268,000 miles on it and I witnessed my family [MC primarily] put each one of those miles on the truck. It’s been good to me, and in the worse case scenario, it gives me transportation. Now, if I need to go down south, to the city, or a business trip I’m further blessed with my girlfriends car in those instances until something else gets figured out. Unlike being jobless a few years ago, I do have money to get me through comfortably the next 90 days while I work on additional employment. I really, really wish there was a way for the Kansas City Shock to be my full time job, but currently it’s a new business and because of that, the money isn’t there yet. That’s alright, because also unlike last time, I know God has my back and He has something incredible in store for me. Some applications I’ve put in I’ve already started to hear back from [whether that employer knows it or not]. I will confess that I’m strongly aiming at the soccer market. Because of the Kansas City Shock, my calling, ministry, and life…that’s where I know I need to be. Now, we’ll just see how God wants to plan it out. It was kind of sad to see my supervisor off from Subway, she’s a God fearing woman who has known me most of those ten years. However, outside of her and a few others, there wasn’t much of a connection with that company so stepping away wasn’t too hard. As I explained to MC over lunch on Monday, Subway did exactly what it was supposed to do. It moved me from Point A [divorced, alone, stuck down south] to Point B [the city, a family, and a new life]. When you see what God has done with a job, and how short life is compared to eternity, it doesn’t sting as much [aside from the car being gone]. The staff with the Kansas City Shock knows that I’m gone from Subway, but I’m very, very fortunate that my earnings from Subway were not the direct ‘lifeline’ of finances for the Shock. This assists in knowing that, that program isn’t negatively affected by this transition and it continues to move smoothly.

Obviously in this process my girlfriend was caught off guard with me leaving the company. She’s working her tail off at Starbucks trying to move up the career ladder [and kicking butt in that process mind you], so it stemmed all sorts of questions of immediate panic that have calmed down. While many people didn’t know the exact circumstances with my job, she was aware, so while there was some direct panic; it wasn’t overly shocking. However, even Monday night I did find myself questioning what was going on with life and what to do next [I hadn't started the resume/application process yet]. My girlfriend, knowing me so well, started sending me links to YouTube videos of hedgehogs [she wants one desperately], and then a random video of the song “Banana Pancakes” by Jack Johnson. Turns out, her not being a yuppy, she’d missed that song a few years ago. It was cute, light, and loving. It only makes sense that come Tuesday morning I wound up eating banana pancakes at the apartment with her [she made foster too...and it was excellent], and we started to talk about what our next move should be [several times over we've made the comments that it is us vs the world, the beginning of week helped solidify that]. I think really this is where the true insanity of the week started. The conversation, while not 100% accurate, went something like this:

D: So, now what?
Girlfriend: I don’t know, what do you think?
D: Not sure. Want to get engaged?
Girlfriend: Really?
D: Sure. Why not?
Girlfriend: I wonder if Kay’s has that ring I like in stock.
D: We could grab it today. Let’s go look.
Girlfriend: Let me call first.
[calls four different locations in the area]
Girlfriend: They don’t have it in stock, and it would require at least three days to get here.
D: Want to go see if there is one that you may love more that’s in stock?
Girlfriend: Are we seriously doing this?
D: Absolutely
Girlfriend: Alright. Let’s go!

Now, I’m not going to say that conversation is extremely accurate, but that was the overall gist of the moment. We got in her car and drove to the local mall and walked into Kay’s. Then the fun began. She started looking at rings, and of course the ladies at Kay were top-notch [as always], and then ‘it happened’. You know, she saw that ring and that was going to be the ring. No matter what. She sat there in Kay’s holding this ring, and just paused for a while thinking on whether or not this moment was really happening. It didn’t take that long before I heard, “We’ll take it!”

At the register, processing the paperwork, the lady asked if I would like to put the ring on her in the store. Naturally, I declined the offer and just had it boxed up and placed in the sack. Incredible, through all these ‘reckless’ moves, I did have a plan.

When I was little there was a spot next to the Missouri River that I loved going to. No docks, no houses, nothing, out in the country right next to the giant body of water [I even had senior pictures taken there]. It was my secret spot, even at the age of 25 I rarely took anyone to that location. It was a place, in Kansas, that meant the world to me and I could escape everything. In my girlfriends case she has a undying love of rivers and bodies of water; reasons of which I’ll never understand.

It only makes sense that we took a short five miles jog across the river to this secret spot. There was no candles, no cameras, in fact I was in running clothes and she was in mismatched work/comfort clothes. Honestly, we were a humorous mess that anyone could tell that the day before took an unknown toll on each of us. In that mess and near the body of water that both of us relate to so well, I got down on one knee and just asked her to marry me [not as easy as it sounds, because understand this...those who never have...you will get nervous]. Insanely the ring didn’t need to be resized at all and it was a perfect fit. Afterwards, we went and worked out [true story] and then surprised my mother at her house. Somewhere in the mix of this Facebook went nuts with a photo and congratulations galore [thank you all!], and we just entertainingly laughed the night away because we did something unpredictable. I can safely say at least 99% of the people who know us would not have seen that one coming, and that’s fine with both of us because through this whole crazy process we made sure that we were doing something that we orchestrated not dictated by anyone else. That is more liberating then even walking away from a job.

What’s next?

Well:

  • Restructuring FilingThePapers…again
  • Meeting with our pastor from MoVal tonight
  • Job applications and such
  • Kansas City Shock season is in full tilt
  • Engagement photos
  • Really…the list could go on and on…

For those of you who’ve just now discovered this page you should do some digging, and see what this was all about. For those of you who have been with me since day 1, thank you for the support, prayers, and for humoring me on my careless adventures.

 

That is one happy chica!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FilingThePapers isn’t going anywhere, I’m definitely not ending the site [it's far too fun], and I’m already knee deep in the first draft of “X: Dare To Be Different”.

Let’s see what comes next!

-D-

Note: If anyone ever got confused, I would like to clarify that my girlfriend is indeed the same person that is referred to as Darco throughout these posts. What’s even more incredible is I’m marrying the same girl that I had the honor of leading to Christ one night in the parking lot of Starbucks.

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April 26, 2013

O: Fighting Words

By D

I just spent thirty minutes yelling in the car.

To no one.

Seriously, if you looked at me yelling in the car while driving to grab some iced coffee for the night, I was yelling at no one.

Reality is though; I was yelling at God.

I’m so sick of fighting.

I expressed this poorly to my girlfriend tonight. I’m sick of fighting. Today was one of the more stressful Friday’s that I had incurred in some time. The more I thought about it, the more I realized…everything I do is about fighting:

  • I’m fighting for business
  • I’m fighting for love
  • I’m fighting for my faith
  • I’m fighting for my dreams
  • I’m fighting for my health

I’m just fighting. Everything in me revolves around fighting, and guess what? I am tired. I’m exhausted. I’m done with fighting. That’s exactly what I yelled at God tonight; I’m sick of not getting rest and I’m sick of fighting.

Don’t judge me…and don’t tell me none of you have thought something similar…

It started from this morning; I woke up in a horrible mood. Business things have been stressful and it showed in the mirror. The whole day I felt tension between myself and my Master, and tonight I finally snapped. It’s been brewing for a while, and I’m yet to see where actually becoming angry with God gets you any further advancement, but tonight I didn’t even care. I was/am irritated, upset, heartbroken, and just plain mad. Sure, nothing in life is free and you have to work for the things you have, but man…it feels like there isn’t anyone even in the corner with me. Where’s my Father? Where’s my God? Where’s the Creator of the universe? I know He’s here, I know He’s listening, watching, and probably pondering in thought [I wonder if He does that], but tonight…like a spoiled child, I’m just angry with God.

I’m simply angry because I’m sick of fighting, but guess what? It doesn’t stop. The fighting never stops, not on this earth at least. The daily battles of good and evil rage on throughout the days and nights. I once read where it says, “I will give rest to the weary”, but I think I’m not weary enough. It’s hard to express it in words, but even in the ‘real world’ the fighting is insane:

I fight businessmen who throw me under the bus every chance they get.
I fight for the sake of our soccer program; pushing and convincing people that we’re real and we’re going to be great.
I fight in a relationship because I’m fighting for the relationship [I'm just terrible at showing it].

Even a month ago this anger issue saw its boiling point when I was threatened to go outside of a Steak-N-Shake with a fellow customer, so he could show me how to talk like a man. I’m taking full blame for that. I was so sick of seeing the waitress being treated so poorly that I just outright called out a family of six who were being jerks. Turns out papa bear wasn’t thrilled with this notion and through some interlaced cursing made it clear that if I didn’t shut it he was going to force me to. My arrogance got the best of me, but before a blow could be landed, his family left the diner. Was I the hero? Nope, I was just a hot head who was sick of seeing people treated so…horribly. That’s all I am, a fighter.

I’m going to try to fall asleep and actually rest, but judging by the spat I just had with God; I doubt rest comes easily.

-D-

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in #kcSHOCK, Daily Events, Dating, Faith, Friends, Reality, Temptations

April 23, 2013

O: Bells

By D

I always enjoy going back into the archives to see what I was thinking a year ago; entertainingly it is actually the same exact thing as tonight:

Restless.

I’m not 100% sure, but sleep isn’t coming to me very easily tonight. I’ve off on my monthly trip to the middle of…nothing, and I should be asleep, getting prepared for a fascinating day tomorrow. However, the physical tiring just isn’t there yet.

From the very beginning of this site; I made it clear that I would always be 100% honest and transparent with the audience [you, the reader] in times of positive and negative. For example; though I brushed off what went on last week; truth is…I haven’t slept well since last Sunday. No clue why, but even though I wasn’t directly involved or near the events that transpired, just knowing where I was supposed to be, how the scenario could have played out, and by the emotional state of those who are close to me…it actually shook me up. Maybe I’m just getting older, but realistically I was scared until I was back into my apartment back home. That’s the honesty that I’m aiming for; including last weekend’s note about being divorced and living with that realization and the consequences that come with it.

So, along with that ongoing theme, honesty, I’m going to sidetrack from the despair and sorrow, ignore the soccer, and approach a very…very…delicate topic:

Marriage

Realistically that was a term that two years ago I would have never considered speaking again; at least in direct relation to myself. Many pages in this exact website outlined the reasons why I wouldn’t consider it, the pity party, the sorrow, the late nights, and the horrors that really was my past life.

However, part of the unique structure of this website wasn’t just to explore the background of my life, but to also show the present, and think about the future. From our past we’re able to lay a foundation, from the present we explore new identities that will later describe our future. Sometimes I think that I got so wrapped up in the past that I forgot what my own future could hold; outside of just the soccer field and the sandwich store.

Would I ever obtain a new job? Would I advance within the company? Those are questions I’ve never really explored before; my current job is such a blessing I couldn’t think past it, especially with spinning off the Kansas City Shock, but what does lie down the road? I don’t envision cutting checks for myself with the Shock anytime soon. Will I keep my pattern, or change things up? I just find it interesting that up until this past week I hadn’t even considered what else could be out there.

What about the team? Oh my gosh, I have no idea. That Kansas City Shock is a dream…a literal dream. It doesn’t even comprehend with me the absolute amazement of watching that program grow and blossom. There’s so much to do still, but man…what a story so far. Even last week in Boston, talking to the general manager for a National Women’s Soccer League team out there, the commissioner for the league, etc…it’s just insane, and the back story. I mean, come on, a group of individuals with a similar dream striving to succeed with it. People from every walk of life, losing sleep, time, and patience to follow a collective dream. You don’t get too many of those stories anymore. I cannot for the life of me imagine my life without such an incredible plot line; a complete blessing.

Job. Soccer. Life. Church. Change. Seasons. Family? I told my girlfriend, even before we started dating, that I date with the intent to marry; that’s it, no exceptions. She took hold of that notion with a death grip and will not let go. There isn’t enough time or space to type out all of the incredible examples, but there is one word that perfectly describes the overall sensation:

Faithful.

She is faithful, loyal, and forgiving. She tolerates so much from me that it is humbling. There’s constant chatter of marriage, colors, weddings, rings, honeymoons, and everything else under the sun. Make no mistake; those conversations take place on nearly a daily basis. At first, I wasn’t fond of it. Call it aching scars, but I just wasn’t thrilled with the concept. Now though? I can’t imagine anything different. Don’t worry reader; you will get your happy ending to this story…eventually [can't give away all the spoilers, can I]. It’s so refreshing; part of the thing that I love about this relationship is that we see each other nearly every day, and when we don’t [like right now due to business, and last week due to Boston] it hurts. Call me a sap, but it hurts being away from her. We drive each other insane…I mean insane [along with our friends], but man…life without her? Impossible. Even today, now that our TV is up and functioning [give it up for HDMI cables] I invited Jim and MC to our apartment for the Sporting game and dinner. While it is an openly known reality that my girlfriend and I do not live with each other, we’re always in the same apartment [which I just renewed for another nine months...hehe], going over the same paperwork, looking over each others finances, and testing new cooking methods. I trust her 100% with my life, and that is something that I cannot honestly tell you I did with my ex-wife; nothing against her, I was just that prideful. It’s nice being open and honest with my girlfriend; sometimes it’s painfully honest, but the rewarding feeling afterwards is so refreshing. To know that I’m one jacked up soul and yet this precious creature still loves me unconditionally…man…I was missing out! I can’t express to you with enough words the absolute joy of knowing that there is a soul out there…that without them by your side…you’d struggle to exist.

I think I’ll just leave this post like that. There is life outside of soccer, there life outside of work, outside of travel, and most definitely outside of your past.

Sometimes your life is simply written on the side a hot mocha.

-D-

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in #kcSHOCK, Daily Events, Dating, Faith, Friends, Humor, Reality, Travels

February 14, 2013

Mobile Minutes: I-35, Sunrises, and Pancakes

By D

Today, I’d like to try to avoid the ‘soccer topic’ and focus on something that is far more important to me [plus, it is Valentine's Day].

Does anyone else take a step back and reflect on what they were doing this time a year ago? Two years ago? Three?

Personally, for the sake of ‘warm fuzzies’ I think back to what was nearly one year ago to the day.

After being recently divorced and extremely bitter, I found someone of equal bitterness [for different reasons] in the city that I had relocated to. She made coffee for a living, and was struggling in her early college years. I quite literally tormented her during her breaks at Starbucks because realistically she was one of the closest things I could call a friend at the time [and most of the time her face was deep in a cell phone sending texts to someone about something].

As time progressed, I started to realize that I had literally no one to hang out with. My friends were married, dating, had grown up, or were just too busy. My parents were…well…my parents, and I was still trying to figure out the vital importance and position of finding my way to MoVal for church. In many ways, I really, really needed some sort of companionship…friendship…anything…

This month, last year, I had a unique opportunity to go to Dallas, Texas for the first time in my life. Why? Yes, a soccer game. I wanted to go, I could go, I had the ability to, but I had no one to go with. Driving to Dallas from Kansas City and back again alone is not ideal. That’s why I went to random, coffee loving barista and asked her the most random thought I had, had for years:

Want to go watch a soccer game in Dallas this weekend with me?

Incredibly [and kind of creepy] she accepted the invitation and partook in a random journey that took us across the state of Kansas, to an amazing sunrise in the barren land that is Oklahoma, and into Texas…where we fell asleep at a rest station on I-35 after driving non-stop. We discovered Whataburger and the beginning of the Frisco Line. We avoided tolls, and crashed in the hotel for a few hours. Even though it was Texas, we froze at the game with a nice, balmy 27 degrees outside. We [I] also discovered that Dunkin Donuts espresso based drinks are an insult to society.

In my ways; it was one of the best weekends of my life.

What came of that, has made the story that much better.

“Officially” her and I have been dating for eight months now, that started via a DM on Twitter while I was in Guatemala last June.

“Unofficially” [also known as the MoVal Small Group Survey] we’ve been together for right around a year.

We struggle, we argue, we laugh, and we pray. She’s the first person I can say that I cried when I saw her get baptized at MoVal, and watched a psychotic girl become a balanced young woman [somewhat]. She’s tolerated me in Las Vegas, and I’ve dragged her through several 5K races.

Judging by the shallow acclamations that I’ve suffered through the years, we truly are a unique pair. However, she gets hugs from me and I get coffee from her, heaven couldn’t pair us any better.

 

Realistically she knows my demons, doubts, and quietest fears, and you know what? She still accepts me, embraces me, and loves me. That’s something I’ve learned that you never let go of [plus, the Duck Dynasty crew would approve because she's an amazing cook].

Neither of us are from the upper class, in fact neither of us are from ‘traditional’ families. Some day’s we look at each other and realize we’re the king and queen of the toys on misfit island.

I don’t think we’d want it any other way.

 

 

 

 

She’s one of a kind.
Unique in my eye.
I wouldn’t want anyone else in my life.
We both quietly count down the days until she’s my wife.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-D-

5 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Daily Events, Dating, Dreams, Faith, Friends, Humor, Reality, Travels

September 18, 2012

Mobile Minutes: Humbling Bieber

By D

Yes, you read it right. He ‘whose name we mustn’t speak’ was in the title.

While in LA I heard more Justin Bieber then I had heard in my life leading up to those minutes in the car. I heard his new song, enjoyed the bass line, rapping, and overall sound.

However, it was sweet to (mushy, romantic, parents are evil kind of sweet).

I decided to take that video and post it on my girlfriend’s Facebook page. She has over 1000 friends on there, and the 25 year old man posted a Bieber song on her wall.

Why? Definitely not because Bieber is Dr. Love, but more so, through technology, I could demonstrate humbleness that “cute” songs work for me if it fits her. Regardless of who sings it. A brave move when putting down street credit and all.

Of course, she was touched that I put it up there. Simple gestures, when hundreds of miles apart, can make a perfect day.

-D-

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Daily Events, Dating, Humor, Reality, Travels

August 29, 2012

O: Unconditional

By D

So how long have you two been dating?

Easily the number one question of curiosity that my girlfriend and I receive when we’re wandering around the world, not on business for the Kansas City Shock [world=Kansas City]. Fascinatingly, neither one of us take a moment to actual give a definitely answer. Similar to the fact that under my request, if you can find us on Facebook, you will not see a ‘In A Relationship’ post. Why? No need. It isn’t that I’m unaware of a social world [hence this site], it is merely that I don’t see the reason for the announcement that tends to reflect more of a business transaction and/or high school gossip.

The other realization is…we don’t actually know. I guess technically you could say since Guatemala, but there is still the implication that we’ve been together longer then that. So, maybe a few months, maybe half a year? I’m not very sure, but I can tell you from the different relationship adventures in my life time, this one sure is nice. I think part of it is due to the lack of pressure. In high school and college [more so in college], there’s such a stress to find ‘the one’, that way we all know what to do once we graduated. Get married, two story house, white picket fence, etc…

Thankfully, I’ve already taken that route and I can assure you this: not, quite, it for myself.

My girlfriend knows that. The other key I’m learning with her, is the vast amount of honesty. I have to be honest. There are areas from my past marriage, where I wasn’t, and I cannot speak to you how damaging that was to our relationship.

I suppose this post is merely to ideally boast about my girlfriend [and to randomly attach tangents of thought, like most posts].

Today, I had some trouble with work. A mistake that is completely on me in every way, shape, and form. It really sent me into panic mode. I’m sitting here, staring at this error, knowing how important this job is, and that I couldn’t afford to screw something up. It’s the first time I had to tell my supervisor, “I just screwed up”. In the midst of my, well, stupidity; I contacted my girlfriend. I simply asked if she could stop by the house; realistically, I was just looking for a hug. We’re almost twenty miles apart [for a few more days], and even though she had to go to work; she came down, just to listen.

The same woman who randomly went with me to Dallas in February; because I had no one else to travel with.

The same woman who stayed up late just to Skype with me while I was in Guatemala.

The same woman who was nearly bouncing with excitement as I stepped into the airport.

Loyal, faithful, and enduring.

Consider this post merely a moment to be proud of what I’ve been blessed with, and hopefully a slight show of developed maturity through the process.

Slowly, but surely I’m starting to understand this concept, the idea of the theme behind the term; unconditional.

And between you and me? I think I like it.

-D-

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Daily Events, Dating, Faith, Friends, Reality

August 26, 2012

O: Urban Comfort

By D

I was that kid.

You know, that one. I wore standard jeans a t-shirt with some old basketball shoes to class in high school, every, single, day. It never changed. As a Senior I tried to spice it up with a  button up shirt, unbuttoned, with some good ‘Jesus’ shirt underneath [for the record: to those who sport the shirt that reads "I broke a rule. I prayed in school." You didn't break a rule, it isn't unconstitutional, and it isn't illegal. For the love of all things good and holy, please stop wearing that shirt].

It basically amounted to this, I wasn’t trendy, and I wasn’t chic. More and more over it ended with this; I was a hick.

Understand that it wasn’t directed towards four wheel drive, muddy trucks, and country music…ugh…The concept was merely the belief and idea that I am indeed from a rural background, and have spent most of my life among trucks, corn, and cows. I didn’t wear w[st]ranglers to class, and I wasn’t part of the FFA. I didn’t ride dirt bikes, ATV’s, or horses; I walked. I’m not a giant fan of deer hunting, but I partake in it for the sake of hating to pay prices for beef. It’s where I grew up, but it wasn’t necessarily who I was.

When I entered college I dated a young woman from South County St. Louis [in reference to the geographical area divided up of one, St. Louis county]. She was very sweet, and for my first girlfriend; I did pretty well. However, as we were together one thing continued to change. My wardrobe. She understood, the best she could, that I was from the sticks. On the same token though, I had to visit her frequently; meaning trips along I-70 and I-44 into St. Louis. A terrifying experience for anyone that has dared the drive from either side. She would take me shopping, to Cardinal’s games, outdoor theaters, and a Italian themed demographic neighborhood referred to as “The Hill”. As time progressed, as do my wardrobe [this is where I discovered my uncanny taste towards Izod Polo's], I started to realize the big city wasn’t that bad. Yes, to this day I am still not a fan of St. Louis itself, but an urban concept isn’t unreal.

Between those years and now I’ve subjected to my hometown [1,538], my college town [9,000], the town I coached in [600], and the town I was going to teach in [200]. As you can see, the numbers aren’t exactly in the favor of growth. That’s when I took my current job with Subway. These loons that I work for enjoyed the notion that I was from a small town, so I better understand business planning for rural development. However, it also meant that I would need to adapt because whether I wanted to or not, they were sending me into our stores in the metroplex known as “Kansas City: So good one state can’t handle it”.

As the months have gone by, as have the lattes, I’ve discovered much about Kansas City. From the wonderful spa location in Lee’s Summit, Missouri on the southeast side of the area, to the insanity that traffic between 291, 152, and I-35 in Liberty, Missouri across to The Legends and Livestrong Sporting Park [where I'll be tonight], south to the richest county in the United States; Johnson County, Kansas; to finally the towers, coffee, suits and ties that make up the heart of downtown Kansas City. I’ve seen a gun flashed at me, hit us for bus fare, I’ve talked to businessmen, and have even found myself in the regional headquarters of Google. The Kansas City Shock is based in the city, and due to this I’m all things soccer all the time the city of fountains [most fountains in a city in the world minus Venice, Italy; plus the largest privately owner continues fountain in the world]. Last evening my girlfriend and I had our weekly date night. It consisted of the standard; Starbucks, and an introduction for her: Oklahoma Joe’s BBQ. It is no secret that Kansas City, as a cow town, prides itself on its BBQ and OK Joe’s is one of the best of the best. I’ve witnessed it a handful of times, and my girlfriend, who is from St. Joseph to the north hadn’t been there before. Of course she loved it [you can't turn away good BBQ].

The night was spent in Kansas City. In Johnson County, far removed from our lives where we currently exist. We took our time laughing and carrying on while working on fries, ‘The Z-Man”, and some heavenly sauce. Afterwards we washed it down with Americano’s [best I've had from a Starbucks], and whatever she drinks [she works there, so her drink is quite special], and just sat outside for what felt like hours just talking about everything imaginable.

We went over my ex-wife, the grudges I have, the reminder from my girlfriend that I’ve got to eventually forgive [emphasis on eventually]. We hit hard topics, like reasons my marriage failed, and what mistakes I made and what I learned from it. We talked growth spiritually, the moves taking place in MoVal for her, and just what our future could be. I spoke on my distaste of white picket fences, two story homes, and 2.3 kids. Dreamed of salaries, raises, IRS, and other financial entertainment. We were a couple. A young couple just dreaming about the future.

While the Starbucks along 119th and I-35 started to close, we hopped in the car and started to drive back through the metro area to get to the other rural side of things [to the north]. She spoke while I turned onto the ramp, “You know, we should just stay the night in Kansas City. Nice hotel, and just enjoy the comforts of the city.”

It was at that point, while enjoying the evening, looking towards the future, and understanding where we were, that I, the kid who once were jeans, t-shirts, and basketball shoes, in my khaki’s, dress shoes, and Real Madrid jersey simply stated that the more and more we’re living the more and more we’re quickly falling in love with this city. We’re not urban yuppies, but similar to the Kansas City Shock, and all other comfortable positions I’ve locked myself into, Kansas City each day feels a little more like home.

-D-

P.S. I would have photos from last night to share, but due to the ‘no-technology’ rule that we’ve both implemented on ourselves, photos don’t take place.

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in #kcSHOCK, Daily Events, Dating, Dreams, Faith, Humor, Reality, Travels

June 28, 2012

O: Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop

By D

…I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you…

-Landon Pigg-

If that quote wasn’t cheesy enough, perhaps the narration below will be…

Together, in the corner, the quiet couple sat. Heads leaning, faces smiling; the world revolved around them. Through espresso clouds and coffee aromas; their eyes never each other. Quiet she whispered for him to lean across the table, almost desiring the yell a secret in the crowded, little cafe. With eyes interlocked, hands cupping her beautiful face; he paused, curious about the rendition, the secret that lied along her lips. A quick kiss, she slightly pulled back, and whispered gently, “I love you.”

There is something about our breed, our culture; that dictates the idea that everything must be done in exact time. You must date for “X” amount of years, be engaged for “X” amount of months, and have children within “X” amount of time following. While many of us will read this, shaking around heads, saying that such notion is ludicrous; deep down we’re matching our lives up with that timeline.

I did the exact same thing.

When dating in college, I wanted to say, “I love you”, to a girlfriend; my friends [her friends] informed me though, that we needed time to ‘discover ourselves’ before getting serious. I’m sure they discussed these notions over tea parties with their barbies in their dorm room [that was sarcasm]. The same could be said for my marriage; I was informed that I should date for at least a year before getting engaged, and the engagement should be short enough that we’d be excited, but long enough so the process wouldn’t be painful leading up to the wedding [it was still painful, wedding organization and planning is just straight up...*shudders*...].

Reviewing all of this useful facts and interesting concepts lead me back to today’s concept that I was pondering why traveling down the barren, stupidly hot road: why all our time to be dictated? When speaking to my girlfriend, before we were ‘official’ [whatever that is]. We decided that we’d be cheesy and go off God’s time. We know the expectations of each other, the dreams of both, and overall goal to please Him.

Long story short; thanks for the mathematical input of when the time is write to mumble out specific syllables and grunts, but…we’re got it taken care of.

And yes…that mocha was especially good last night.

-D-

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Daily Events, Dating, Faith, Friends, Humor, Reality, Temptations

June 17, 2012

O: Happy Days

By D

Oh happy days…oh happy days…where Jesus took my sins away…oh happy days…

I would love to coin Sister Act for introducing this song to me, but it was much later in college that I learned the historical significance of African American Gospel in our current culture [though Whoopie did knock it out of the park].

When reflecting back to the sour grapes that were involved in the creation and witnessed account of ‘X’, I thought it would be wise to merely make a reversed mirror image of those posts, and begin with excitement, joy and happiness.

I could start with asking you to think back to your first kiss…

…first time you held hands…

…checking yes or no…

…and anything else synonymous with your cultures expectations of romance, dating, and love.

However, as the preface to this new series ‘O’, I think it is only natural to start this series in a similar matter reflective of ‘X: Acceptance‘:

So let’s begin this section of the site like this.

I’m in a relationship…

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Daily Events, Dating, Faith, Friends, Humor, Reality

May 11, 2012

‘love letters’: Confession

By D

Someday’s I feel like I’ve just stepped back into those awkward teenage years, just without the bad acne and voice skipping.

Confession: For the past two weeks I’ve had one single, specific thought process that has had me aching and reeling with thoughts of distress, mistrust, and poor guidance.

My night have been horrifically treated with lack of sleep and endless nightmares.

My days blur together like a numbing transit of time and space with no actually intellectual position on life.

I pour my time into soccer, work, and attempting acts of sleeping and running. It’s just not triggering the ideology of content, peace, or goodwill. I’ve found my temper to be short, my words to be harsh, and overall I haven’t been the most pleasant person to be around; at all. For those who have found themselves uncomfortably around me, I apologize for the past and perhaps in advance as I continue to try to understand my own mind, heart, and soul.

I could have made this post ‘X’ or ‘Mobile Minutes’ or whatever I would have chosen.

However, I decided out of spite and simple intelligence that ‘love letters’ may be best suited when discussing the hot topic that I consistently flee away from.

Honestly, if I’m being truthful with my thoughts; I can’t even express to you the absolutely terrifying idea of dating, relationships, anything along the lines. Even from a friend, a simple, “Are you OK? You’re quiet.” just instantly brings me back to the text over my phone, the phone calls late at night, every single moment in my past relationship where I made mistakes. I made the wrong move, and I further damaged myself and inflicted further turbulence to a already disruptive relationship and marriage.

I think back to where Jesus talks about the plague of the divorce is that once it is done, it’s going to be with you for the rest of your life. In many ways, it can become your label.

Why do you think that I love wrapping myself up in business? Work? Soccer? Traveling? Anything that can keep me moving? Simply put: to escape. Someday’s I think that there is no reason that anyone would even want to be with me, period. It’s a self-esteem and faith-lacking issue. Other day’s, when I humor the idea of growing old, having a family, even just a house as newly weds, or the first date…anything of those sense; I paralyze myself with fear and acknowledgement of this thought:

I’ll never be ready. I’ll never go back.

For as much apologizing as I’ve done over the past 11 1/2 months I stubbornly, regrettably, and sinfully refuse to forgive myself. I just will not do it. I cannot look in the mirror and convince myself that now, tomorrow, or ever that I would be a good husband. I’m self-centered, egotistical, profit driven; everything wrong with so many men in today’s world; I’m no different.

I see these Godly men around me, the ones with families, newly weds, or committed faithfully to their significant one, but not nearly as dedicated to their God and sorrowfully I cringe to idea that I’d do anything to be in that position; not just in the idea of a loving spouse, but just as a Godly man.

I believe we could chalk this up as a mere pity-party of the sorts, and I’d probably agree and refuse the opportunity to debate. Mark it up as a loss I suppose.

What’s even more unfortunate about this ever deluding thought process is the damage that is brings to a kingdom that I try to promote, to brag on, to demonstrate its love. I mean, tell me, what is God thinking while watching me type these thoughts. I brag so much on faith and what amazing things He has done, but I’m basically telling me, “No, not even You can make someone, anyone, that would be willing to deal with this. Even if you did, I would never commit, because in the end. They’d just leave. They always do.”

I try very hard not to ever get rooted into a niche, or micro-culture of any specific area because of the realization that nothing stays the same forever. For as much as I enjoy my cat that I’ve had for nearly two decades, I’ve fought to never become attached to her. Why? Because she will die. She will disappear. She is just a cat. While I’d hate to compare people to cats and other items in which we grow attached to, the fact is that everyone comes and goes, and I fear that there’s no one that would be willing to stay, or attempt to stay up with myself.

Late at night, when I’m exhausted and for one moment I allow the world to collapse onto me, I spent a split second thinking of what it is life. Trying to envision the joy that so many around me have encountered through their marriages, relationships, and everything in between. Naturally, I’d like my own story. However, as I quietly drift to sleep I tend to think that those chapters will strictly remain dreams.

-D-

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Daily Events, Dreams, Faith, Reality, Temptations

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