XO: Finally


I think this’ll most likely be the last “XO” post at http://www.filingthepapers.com. I can firmly able to say that I’m ready to see “XO” fade off into the sunset (or tragically burn in a fire…either really works).

FilingThePapers is finally clean again; the months entries have been organized for the most part. There are five days left until the next chapter is ready to launch, so please excuse if the site goes down, disappears, has spelling errors, or posts random photos of the “dark one”. Continue reading

#getyourpraiseon


An impromptu opportunity arose today to assist a client in some marketing options late this evening.

Bad news: Completely jacked our plans for Bible Study tonight. A definite sad moment.

Good news: Took Darco, kind of as an initial surprise, and it turns out she was able to meet her favorite soccer player from Sporting Kansas City: Aurelien Collin.

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Darco with Aurelien Collin

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Also snagged Seth Sinovic in this shot

I am not the perfect husband, but I do feel so, so blessed when a job opens up an opportunity to spoil my beautiful wife.

-D-

Yes…a jersey was signed also…

#getyourpraiseon


Tonight was a blessing.

The training session was terrible. I’m so, so sick of being overweight. You have no idea.

Outside of that though; tonight was beautiful. Jo chatted with me this evening via WhatsApp, and her, myself, and Darco will be running in the 2015 GöteborgsVarvet Half Marathon in Gothenburg, Sweden. I’m pumped, Darco is stoked, and Jo is thrilled to see us after several years. It’ll be a fun trip at the end of next May. Turns out 64,000 people run in this half marathon (13.1 miles), so at least we won’t have anything focused on us.

Besides that, the true highlight was hanging out at a Bible Study/Church Planting session with a few families of the church that Darco and I have recently been attending. It was nice. We were around people and families that we had never really spent time around. We had conversations, dialogues, and yes…even laughed [a lot]. It was wonderful, I felt being in a house dreaming up new ideas of spiritual movements within the community. Darco met a woman who is a huge clean eating advocate, a connection that Darco needs and frequently lacks. It also helps us get a little closer to the church body, as we have struggled in past months to connect.

It felt good. For a split second or few, it felt like home.

-D-

XO: Questioning Leadership


There are just some things in life that take place of which nothing can compare you for. I guess I’m supposed to say that, that is ‘part of life’, but sometimes life makes no sense.

Sometimes family can be the catalyst, and recently that’s been a serious issue. By serious please know that I’m not talking about bickering, gossip, and the other trivial garbage that takes place within DNA strands, but serious problems.

Last year, the week that Darco and I got married, my mother-in-law was evicted from her home. Resulting in Darco, myself, MC, and Jim cleaning up a house that she vacated [and a cat she abandoned]. She moved up north with family, and I had assumed that, that was how life was going to move. This, of course, was after she wound in the hospital last February due to not being able to move CO2 out of her body at a quick enough pace. Understand that Darco is her only daughter, and the only family member that’ll stick their neck for her.

thought this was the pattern life would be in, and we could focus on each other and move forward. Until earlier this week, along with all the stupid stuff I spoke of earlier, I received a distraught phone call from my wife. She explained to me that my mother-in-law had been kicked out of the house she was staying in, and was now planning on living in her Jeep in the city.

I. Am. Not. Making. This. Up.

This individual is diabetic, and also needs a breathing machine at night. She can’t stay with us because she can’t physically get up all of our stairs. We learned yesterday that she’d been lying about where her disability checks were going [to a random scam artist via Facebook]. My wife is a complete disaster; I mean an emotional mess, it’s sickening and saddening. As the husband, as the leader of the household…I have no idea what to do.

Unfortunately I come from a position where there’s little sympathy for people who purposefully make these decisions, and refuse to be assisted by anyone else. It’s along the lines of someone standing on the side of the highway with a sign reading, “anything helps”; I’ve witnessed people offer to buy food, a meal, etc…but many just want money. This is a terrible example of the same thing that’s going on with our family.

As you could imagine; the level of stress from this constant drama is unbelievable. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I’m supposed to lead, and I’m clueless. We’re not made of money, and we’re barely making it on our own at this point. I’ve been in a position without a life [see page one], I’ve stolen food from motels for meals before, but I tried my hardest to get back on my feet and I was in my early twenties; not my late forties.

It’s also frustrating to see this take place leading up to Mother’s Day. I’ve seen my wife get lied to over, and over, and over again by the same person. She has a heart for people that few, if any, will ever be able to reach in size. Because of that, every time her eyes are opened to the truth, her heart is broken all over again. I’m supposed to protect her from that, but does mean I protect her from her own mother? I don’t know the answer. I know that I’ve had to deal with anger and bitterness as of late because I hate seeing people take advantage of others, but I’m not sure where I’m supposed to step in. What’s my position? What’s my authority? Any? I don’t know.

I know that as always, though not always my favorite, prayer is the best tool we have. In times like this, it’s about the only tool we have.

I confess: I’m growing weary of life’s struggles.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Battles & Wars


The battle may be the lost, but the war isn’t over…
-Some Famous Guy & My High School Social Studies Teacher-

Today was a troublesome day, there are hints of events today that have mirrored events from three years ago. There has been a battle going on, and today I’m facing the reality that the battle is lost.

I can’t go into the details at the moment due to legal reasoning, but after a long, peaceful conversation with Darco, and meditating on what God wants us to do, we’ve made some sad, hard choices in the past twenty four hours. I’m a firm believer that it’s for the best of everyone, and that we will grow from it, but immediate injuries, while they do eventually heal, are hard to handle. Currently I’m struggling to handle that reality.

To keep life fresh, Darco and I have embarked on a new journey of the sorts [more on a later date] while cleaning up the final mess of the past year. Sadly, regrettably, much like the divorce; enemies have been made and the true character of individuals has been shown. The temptation is to gossip, create chaos, and attempt to ruin the reputation of a few, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

Incredibly I find myself in the same position while trying to figure out what to think of my now ex-wife. In the end it just came down to the choice of forgiving and moving on, or stewing in anger for years to come. While not easy [or always perfect], the first choice helped out life greatly, looking back. Knowing that spurns me to make the same choice again. Just to forgive and move on. Why should a Christian fight a Christian? What’s the point? Aside from driving people away from God? I say this with humility, and not even with an ounce of pride [if any was left], I’m fine with turning the other cheek.

I’ll tell you why…

Because while I find problems, sorrow, grief, and other problems on a daily basis; I know two absolute truths:
-God still loves me, and hasn’t given up on me.
-I have a beautiful wife waiting for me when I get home.

That second reason [which correlates to the first] is enough inspiration to walk away from any fight. The world is a scary place, and people are mean to each other, but knowing that there is one person on this earth that wants to see your face, that once to hold your hand, and wants to walk through the purifying fires of life, that’s enough for me to tune out the rest of the world.

I guess when it’s all said and done; deeds are finished and papers are signed; I’m facing a moment where I’ve lost a battle, but when I see my wife’s face in the evening…

…I’ve already won the war.

-D-

XO: I Am No One


I am no one…

…and it feels great.

I was running last night through some rural roads while a storm system passed through; creating a delightful [and cold experience]. Upon my return back to the starting position of the adventure it started to sink in…

I am no one…

However, in past experiences this would be met with doubt, guilty, pity, and a plethora of other mentioned terms that’d make me feel sorry for myself, yesterday was not that experience.

I am no one…

Over the past two years I received exactly what I wanted, I got a taste of the spotlight, and I accepted the pressures of life before me. I tried, I failed, and then I was brushed off and led onto a new path. I love my life; I have an awesome wife and an incredible job. Imagine, I sit at a computer all day finding ways to market products and services through social media. I practically live on Twitter and Google+, how cool is that? My wife has become a health nut, of which I love her even more because of it. We travel, work on new projects, pray for her promotion, and watch life evolve before us.

I am no one…

I am not a successful businessman, entrepreneurship really isn’t my thing; even though I find the process fascinating. I love to type, dream of writing, and get wrapped up in new, creative ways to market new ideas and dreams. I wasn’t really designed to be in the spotlight, the preacher, teacher, businessman, or anything of the life. I enjoy being behind the scenes, staying quiet, and operating life from the stroke of the keys. How different is that from a piano player? I read books, run outside, and drive throughout the country between work and home. There are dreams of fitness, and hopes of health; knowing that one will always compliment the other. I hang out with my best friend, she’s everything to me and I couldn’t have dreamed up a better life partner. We’ve witnessed tragedy, disappointment, and many sleepless nights, but God never left our side. We’ve cried for repentance, and wept when hope felt lost, but each morning we’d wake up knowing that He was still in control.

I’m trying to live a reality and a dream I had years upon years ago; simple truth of being less so God can become more. It’s taken hard lessons, and painful realities, but as time progresses scars do really heal. My blood pleasure is lowered, and sleep comes rather easy these days. More time is spent with family, and after 7:00  each night social media world gets placed on hold for the next morning. There are dreams and ambitions, many tasks I hope to accomplish, and bigger adventures that lie beyond the current path.

With that said though, no matter the event that lays before me, or the path that is taken, I am so much more comfortable hanging out in the shadows, being more quiet compared to loud, and learning to put pride aside and understand what ‘me’ is really about. The idea of ‘me’ is merely pride, accepting that the importance of life revolves around yourself. It’s a dangerous place to be as a Christian, and it become hard to keep your tongue controlled. Thankfully God is good, a loving Father that always rescues His kids every time that they’ve fallen. In recent months I’ve fallen hard, and it’s hurt, and it caused pain, but at the end the lesson learn was understanding that when the sun sets, when the sun rises, I have to always uphold to a holistic truth:

I am no one…

-D-

XO: Nouveau Parfum


This has nothing to do with new perfume.

However, if you haven’t done so already, you must take a look at this music video [it's an actual music video]:

Now, first the song is absolutely beautiful. I don’t understand the language at all, but I am simply captivated by the song…it’s hard to put on a finger on exactly what it is. I’m going to say that it’s the crescendo of passion and volume, mixed with the piano in the background. It’s soothing, yet motivating.

Secondly and probably the most evident part would be the video itself. Now, this video actually took eight hours to shoot and five different wardrobe changes by Boggie [the singer]. The implication that software can perfect anything is evidently and most notably the conversation topic at hand. I know that I’m not popular with the topic, but after watching the video too many times I’ve come to the conclusion that my stance, while not opposed, does not necessarily go along the same line.

Transformation.

See, this is something that people who were of the ‘normal crowd’ of life have failed to understand for over twenty years now. The whole secret of technology isn’t about power, weapons, beauty, and every other vain topic within the world…for many, it’s the escape.

Side Note: I’ve got this video stuck on repeat for some reason…

Maybe it’s the idea of being able to escape, to turn off, turn around, and leave. Perhaps that’s why I’m obsessed not with sleeping, but with dreaming, because even though chaos ensues it can still be a drastic transformation from the world that I currently dwell in. My mind already manipulates the world around me, dreaming merely makes it that much closer to a reality.

Perhaps it’s an addiction? You know, everyone needs that smoke, or that last drink, maybe for me I just need that screen, the glow of the keyboard, the strumming of the keys, and the recognition that out here I can be whoever I want to be. I’ve even noticed that it’s created this subculture fear in me of meeting people one-on-one in real life; I’d rather be on a stage, or on the computer. If you’ve called me before you know that I’ll rarely answer…if I answer. I am the most social anti-social person you meet.

But when my fingers touch the plastic keys…life changes. Suddenly processors and brain computing run hand in hand, I play the game of how fast can the computer run, and can my fingers keep up with my brain. Many times, they cannot [I've learned via this site actually]. This is why it’s alright for me to have never been a stellar athlete, because technology, social media, the digital world…it’s all the great equalizer. It levels everything out, and shows anyone and everyone that those who know how to use their minds can run the advantage.

Does that make sense?

Think of it this way, in the past month my newest projects that I’ve thought up:
-A computer mouse that is integrated with your hand
-New mobile applications for soccer
-Digital video outsourcing from the computer to the live net

Why? Because I have a job that encourages that opportunity. I spend my day bouncing between screens, thinking that one day I’ll come up with the next Google Glass, the next iPod, the next…who knows? I’m not a technology genius, but it is a complete addiction to be able to blend innovation, imagination, and technology together.

That is a realm where chaos dwells.
I live in this mental complex, and frankly, I’m loving every moment of it.

Digitally, I love being transformed.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Kombucha


I’m not really sure how to say that word.

I’m also not really sure what on earth the thing is.

Technically it’s part of some gluten-free, yuppie drive drink that Darco grabbed at the grocery store ($3.50 for 16 oz).

It goes down your throat like snot.
It’s bitter like fresh raspberries [plus?].
It is frankly, rather repulsive.

However, I also get to see the joy on my wife’s face for trying something new, eating healthy, and making wise choices.

Sometimes it’s worth choking the stuff down.

On a similar, fun note:

Darco went grocery shopping tonight [hence where that...thing came from]. I was taking a nap at home, she woke me up while she was at the grocery store, nearly crying.
I thought the car had been hit, and she was in an accident.

She proceeds to tell me this:

The organic chicken was on sale at Hy-Vee for 2 for $6. So, we both knew I was going down there today to stock up because that’s a relatively good deal for the product. When I arrived I saw that the special price wasn’t posted. So, with the ad in my hand I went ahead and grabbed the chicken, thinking that I would explain the ad if the price didn’t show correctly.

Well, the price didn’t show correctly. So, the cashier calls over the manager. The manager tells me that since the chicken is not for the price as advertised that I get the chicken for free. So, we just had a grocery bill run from $70 to $23 total with a ton of chicken!

I’m still upset that I was half asleep and didn’t fully enjoy the moment. However, it is nice having plenty of chicken in the apartment. More importantly though is recognizing how happy my wife is with what occurred, her eating habits, and her dedication towards health.

I’m not just proud of her, I’m continually reminded as to why she means so much to me.

…off to go drink some of that stuff…

-D-