XXXI: Keeping Up


Wake up.

I have thirty minutes on the clock.
Grab my pants, where’s the shirt for today? Socks? Got ‘em.
Start the shower, will the water warm up any faster?
Wake up, let’s do this.
Don’t stand under the water, you’ll waste time.
Get dry. Remember pants and shirt on first, socks last, otherwise you’ll be tempted to stay seated on the bed.
Contacts? Those’ll be last, let’s get the water boiling. 5 tablespoons of coffee, cup is clean.
That cat has got to stop messing with my shoe strings while I’m trying to tie them.
Pour the water, set the timer for six minutes. Do I have my lunch ready? Where’s the bowl for breakfast?
Thank goodness that granola was made.
Grab the coat. Shut off the bedroom light. Section one cleared.
Contacts in. Shut the bathroom light. Section two cleared.
Coffee is ready. We need more sugar. Is that almond milk still good?
Bag? Check.
Coat? Check.
Keys? Check.
Phone? Check.
Cereal? Yep, with coffee.
House lights are turned off. Section three cleared.

Almost word-for-word these are the thoughts that stream through my mind Monday through Friday each week. It’s quite literally non-stop fun waking up and getting ready without running into any problems. That being said, by the time it is all said and done, Saturday is the first time that I decide to try to breathe. I’ll claim the card of just getting older, but this past week absolutely exhausted me and pushed me to a level of stress that I hadn’t witnessed in some time. It was a blend of work related stuff, and stuff outside of work. I added to my load this week by starting a college course through the University of Phoenix. It’s my first class that could be counted as a Master’s level class, but so far it hasn’t proven to be much more than reading and discussing theories of classroom organization. That shouldn’t come as much of a shock, but I’m still happy that I’m able to take the class (and thanks to Darco’s job, we were able to pay for it upfront in full). The passing completion of that class will result in my teaching license being reinstated, something that I can wholeheartedly say I’m dying to achieve. Even without an actual classroom, I feel so inadequate roaming the halls of the school being asked by students if I’m something that I’m not. The downside of course is the additional amount of time being consumed to ensure that I do complete the class…correctly.

From there, there’s an added element of my body. While I am losing weight (again), my legs aren’t doing everything that I’d like them to be doing. Most notably problems in my knees and still in my Achilles. I’m praying for an opportunity to try a spine and joint center in the city that specializes in working with runners. If it’s not my shoes that are causing this, I’ll be very curious as to what they end up finding. I’m still running and training, but my workload on my feet is very, very light. It’s not worth making problems worse just because I’m stubborn.

Outside of work and running is church (not always in that order). Darco and I continue to spend time at a ‘home church’ on Thursday nights, soon to be changing to Sunday nights, and personally it isn’t easy. There are so many things I’ve developed horrible habits of being uncomfortable with and they’re all coming out at once. I’m not keen on physical touch, aside from Darco, from anyone. I still struggle working with very small children, and pregnancy still makes me extremely uncomfortable. This is just honesty coming out, not acknowledging that any of it is necessarily bad. I suppose the reality is that I need to grow up and be like everyone else. Eventually I have to accept the idea of the same job for 20+ years, I have to accept the average family size, the mortgages, and everything that comes along with it. Truthfully, I’m still denying it as if it were some form of plague. Perhaps it’s just the sinful nature of my soul, but I still have zero desire to follow through with all this notions that people point out as joyful and wonderful. I suppose I’m still selfish, but there isn’t even a stirring in my soul of, “Oh, this will be so fun.” I’m still thinking of running, work, and honestly…just being married.

Fear. I’ve been trying to fully comprehend and handle fear. Understand the death, destruction, second coming, and everything in between doesn’t bother me. There really is very little out there in this world that I fear. I’ve just about failed at everything I’ve been a part of, so the world isn’t nearly as scary now. With that said, there’s still one thing that burns in my heart as an absolute terror. I’m terrified that my wife will leave me. I’m scared that one disagreement, one argument, one forgotten date, failed objective (cooking, cleaning, etc…) will result in her packing up and never returning. Does Darco ever act like that? Absolutely not, but when dealing with stress from the week, it just eats at me. I think back to false promises, storybook thoughts, and tragic endings. My mind reverts back to a time of chaos and isolation. Thunderstorms, softball, and crying myself to sleep. I still remember it all like a permanent scar. Darco knows this, and she always reminds me that it’ll never happen. Frankly, I don’t see how people can be divorced, be left, and then just play it off as if nothing tragic happened in their life. It’s my fear, my terror, it’s what keeps me up at night. If I’m not perfect, if I don’t fix every problem, my wife will leave me. If I screw up the financials and miss a bill, my wife will leave me. If I get onto her about sleeping too long, or something along those lines, my wife will leave me. I’ve concluded, through the stupidity in my head, that this will forever be the curse that I’ll have to live with.

There’s a lot on my plate in the mornings, several thoughts streaming through my mind. The weeks are long, but most of the time they’re fun, I just wish I was a better person.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Numb Death


Death.
The context of it didn’t mean much to me growing up. I accepted the idea of death, but an individual dying didn’t play at my heart strings.

Truly, honestly it was until finding out this morning that a former supervisor (and a current friend) lost their spouse, that the truth of death really set in.

Finding the news made my heart hurt. I put Darco in the scenario, and the imaginary trip from that was enough to force me from bed to locate food.

It hurts. Death hurts when you embrace love. As a Christian I can speak of the peace associated with the first death, but as a human the reality is still haunting.

I’m going to squeeze Darco a little tighter tonight, and keep praying for my friend. I suppose all of this reminds me that I’m getting a little older, and my heart is finally getting a little softer.

-D-

XXXI: #ClubDaugherty Christmas 2014


Merry Christmas!

Scrolling back through previous posts I noticed that last year I left a family letter to the random viewers of this page. It was a brief (haha) recap of 2013, so keeping in new tradition I assumed the role of explaining 2014 to the best of my abilities for #ClubDaugherty.

Atlantic City

Atlantic Ocean!

2014 is best explained by way of learning patience and faith. Heading into the second year of our marriage it wasn’t just learning those lessons towards each other, but also understanding and believing that God has a purpose and reason for why we exist. 2014 started off similar to the end of 2013, we were involved in women’s soccer, I was working for an investment firm, and Darco was brewing coffee (and much more).

January Darco got her first taste of the Atlantic Ocean. Due to a conference in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania we both headed out via car for the weekend.

He's 5 inches taller than me...

He’s 5 inches taller than me…

While the conference was rather…lacking (soccer). We did take the time to explore, including taking Darco to Atlantic City, New Jersey. Part of my dream has been to get Darco to see more things of the life around her, outside of just the place that she calls home. On route back we checked in with some dear friends of mine in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Ensuring that we will see them again in 2015.

 

By February Darco and I started to feel the tug at our souls by God when dealing with the Kansas City Shock. While 2013 was fun and exciting, the same pieces weren’t coming together in 2014, and we could see the writing on the wall. It was time to hang up our hats and move on. We closed down the operations of the Kansas City Shock, on somber hearts, and decided it was time to remove all these different sticks that we had placed in the fire, and focus on our strengths.

5k I

Survived another race!

With the extra time heading into March Darco and I started to pick up running. We ran races stretching from far northern Missouri to deep into Arkansas. They were primarily 5K events, but at least for one of us, it sparked the interest of running more, and more, and more. We made great friends with companies that create rehydrating beverages, and started to drastically adjust our diets. We knocked out gluten, dairy, and refined sugars. While we’re not perfect, the different has been earth shattering. 2014 was definitely a year about health, and better understanding the human body.

Epic times!

Epic times!

Towards the end of the summer Darco and I were able to take an entire week to celebrate my birthday, her birthday, and our one year anniversary. This included truck racing, her first tattoo, and seeing family that I hadn’t seen in well over five years. This week is what became known as “#ClubDaugherty” due to our random interest in EDM music, and the fact that the two of us are always together, looking to rock something new.

Darco continued to push herself towards getting promoted in Starbucks, and finally into the early fall she moved to an assistant manager’s position. It truly was God’s timing, because while we were giving praise for her advancement, a new moment of patience was about to be forced upon us. At the end of August I was let go from my work at the investment firm. While it did stir the pot on the household, it didn’t come completely off guard. We had discussed for months that we felt my time was drawing near with the company, and when it came I inherently did the one thing that I’ve always done.

Too Cool For School

But first…

I went back to substitute teaching. Similar to 2013, I was in the same school district and frequently in the same school. Eventually I wound up being in charge of a single, 6th grade science classroom for an entire month. As God would have it, after that prolonged duration inside that classroom the school wound up offering my employment in the special education department. Since that point I’ve been hanging out with middle school students throughout the week and focusing on assisting students with writing, reading, and spelling. Darco was transferred to a Starbucks located ten minutes from my school. Due to this, and her schedule, we now run the same schedule, travel together, and see each other throughout the week. A very nice change of pace.

Middle school basketball for real!

Middle school basketball for real!

We still attend the same church we started going to in 2014, but with a slight twist. We’ve started a home church with two other families in the suburbs of the metro area. Each of them have young children (with more on the way!), so I’m learning to adapt and adjust to little kids. They’re sweet as can be, but as usual God still is working patience on me. No, Darco and I are not expecting any children…for a while at least.

Obviously, FilingThePapers is still going strong. It fascinates me to see where this website/blog started, and where it currently exists. God is a God of mystery for sure. Thankfully He wraps that mystery with love, and leaves us without doubt that He’s always watching over us.

Church Photo

We’re hipsters…

2015 already appears to be an eventful year. We’re finally going to be moving down into the city, now that both of our jobs are located there. I’ll be vying for a full time classroom position for the 2015-2016 school year, and Darco looks to be promoted to a full store manager around March. We’re runners, lovers, and all sorts of weird.

Thank you all for humoring our insanity, and praying for us when we had no idea you were. Here’s to a beautiful 2015!

To Him Be The Glory,
D & Darco

XXXI: Every Step I Take


Every step I take,
I take in you,
You make move Jesus
Every breath I breathe,
I breathe in you,

The simple lines reverberate back memories of mission trips, summer camps, and when life was overall easier. Less facial hair, less stress, and an overall appreciation for simplicity…without even knowing it at the time. Even last night at my parents house I found a 31 page paper that I had typed out of spite towards one of my professors. Reading over the text I was humored at how naive I was at the time (and also how my grammar could be relatable to my sixth grade students). Continue reading

#getyourpraiseon


Story time:
I’m not country, and I’m not really urban or suburbian…I’m just…here. However, I grew up in a rural, farming community through my childhood.
Relationships, the thing that eluded me through my adolescent years, were based on a few key things:
Continue reading