There is something unique about 5:00 AM. In times of my life I have cursed this time [waking up to open up the store], and other days it brought bitter joy [waking up, be dragged through the sandy shoreline to go trout fishing]. However, as of late it has become a unique focal point of my life.
I always wake up at 5:00 AM, it is impossible to sleep through it. Now, sometimes I do go back to sleep, and days like today; I just get up. There is no rhythm, no pattern, it’s just 5:00 AM and the light gets turned on, I open my eyes, and the world is still.
What an awesome time to thank God.
Through time [and several text messages], it has been discovered that myself being half-asleep has led to some pretty brutal accusations, claims, and professing of love to sleeping people nationwide. However, I’ve also come to understand that with this honest comes a broken heart and a pleading soul. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woke up and said, “Thank you”, or, “Now what?”; just being able to vocally direct my concerns to only other individual in the room.
He’s yet to disappoint.
There was a time this morning, somewhere between the security gates at one of the most frightening military bases in the world and the open interstate; I seriously contemplated deleting the ‘X‘ from last night. It legitimately crossed my mind. However, I’m not one to cover wounds. They need to be exposed, and I’m OK with showing areas that I’m very vulnerable at. Of course, I do cringe reading it because it did come off as a high school pity-party, but it’s OK. I’m OK.
I woke up at 5:00 AM this morning and thought, “OK, time to wake up, go to work, and then do…”
I had nothing else to do today. So, I just laid there, awake, for about thirty minutes just processing thoughts and making sure that in the stillness of that moment, it was just God and myself. I complained, whined, thanked, and praised. I nearly cried and almost laughed.
It was a glorious moment. That’s when I had also realized that I didn’t remember a single dream or nightmare from last night. Nothing. I’ll throw some praise up for that.
Let me tell you a bit about this military base I have to travel to once a month. I screw up the car search every, single time. I’ve been at the wrong gate. The wrong line. Last time I forgot to open all four doors of my car for the crew. Afterwards I’ve got a 1/2 mile path from where I park [of which I was informed I could towed from, but my company will hopefully bail me out of that], to where this store is. The store in the lower level of a educational building on base. I’m surrounded by rather high ranking officials, no sunglasses, cell phones, and most importantly…no smiling.
I nearly get an ulcer thinking of having to go to this store. Plus, I have to do this one early in the morning because the base gets rather super busy throughout the day [including my poor, little store]. This means it is my first *yawn* stop in the morning. I had put off this place for two days this week. Tuesday the President was in town…uh…you thought security was high all the other days. Wednesday, as many people may recall, was the 70th anniversary of the attacks on Pearl Harbor. What does that mean? That base had a running race on base and everyone and their sister went directly to my little, understaffed store afterwards for lunch. They were nearly destroyed. Today was the day, with the poorly brewed tea in my cup [it was dead awful, steel Starbucks mugs are made for either coffee or tea...NEVER both], I pulled up to the correct gate, drove up the correct lane, and was pleased to see that the security staff was freezing [there is a point to this]. They were so cold that they took my license, asked where I was going, got some other important information, and that was it…NO SEARCH TODAY! Afterwards, by nearly jogging with a lieutenant [they walk so fast], I got to the store; did my dues and was out of that place.
Flew through my second store. Noted a calculation error in my monthly planning for stores. I had an extra day that I hadn’t programmed in. That meant I didn’t have to bust it all the way through the day and pick up four stores. I just relaxed. Got to store #3 and it was one violation away from being perfect [trust me when I say that it was a very minor violation], which is a miracle in itself compared to a few months ago.
I was home by 3:00 PM, mind still intact, and having a joyful day.
I get paid tomorrow, so I started going through my bills to pay. Frankly, there are a lot of bills to pay this time through [love college]. I caught myself though, I started to gripe about, “I’m not going to have much money left, etc…”
I stopped, took a deep breath and muttered, “At least I can pay my bills now.” All my Christmas shopping is done. I have nothing else I ‘need’.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
-2 Corinthians 12:9-