XXXI: Between Chaos

*tap, tap, tap, tap…*

My feet keeping beat to an unknown theme. Collections of the weeks thoughts resonate throughout my being, as my physical state remains unmoved.

Place. Position. Theme. Existence.

A desire to understand purpose with each step. Yearning to establish cause and devotion.
Why am I here? Cycles moving through life, surrounding my being, but a path I’ve never touched.

Get out. Be free.

My soul silently pleads. Nerves throughout my mortal place awaken with fire, desperation ignites in my heart.

Take the chance. Make the move.

The only voices in my head command.

Rebel. Revolt. This is your innate being.

I’m caught between two worlds. Angels and demons, right and left, whisper their secrets about my life I don’t even know.

You’re designed to explore.
Your current life is beautiful.

All the time a stoich presence tightens on my face. No one knows my internal being, no one knows that I’m constantly on the brink of revolution. The silent aura hides the balance of chaos and peace that streams through my blood.
To be unattached, a place where I no longer connect. I feel my strings getting tighter, strained when attached to this daily eternity.

*…tap, tap, tap, tap…*

The consistency overshadows the brewing plot, and hidden images hide the inner workings of a torn field…stuck in balance of warring realms.



I just finished up with my nightly ritual of icing my Achilles area on my left foot.
My body hurts.

As mentioned several times, with the soccer program gone, I’ve been rededucating much of my time to running. Lots of running. However, between bad, old shoes and logging too many miles too quickly, I strained my Achilles and benched myself for an entire week.


Lot's of nights spent with ice.

With a race last Saturday, new shoes, and support tape I started to slowly to steps back from injury. This past week I’ve had to relearn how to run properly, and that meant miles and hours on a rubber track. As frustrating as an injury is, after icing tonight, I’m finally starting to feel a bit more human.


The rubber track is becoming my friend.

I knocked five minutes off of my 5K last weekend, and finally hit sub-10:00 1600 meters today. It isn’t much, but it’s progress.

I’m just grateful that I’m finally starting to feel the recovery take shape.


Mobile Minutes: Kori’s Victory

Dearest Death,
Where is thy sting?
Hidden upon this shroud of mystery,
I fear nothing.
Not the dark,
Nor emptiness,
Nor pain.
I tremble not at the unknown,
Instead grasp eternity.

Oh frightened Death,
You know not thy fight,
Exemplified strength.
Battling tremors of the night.
I shall not fall to thee,
Instead: arms reaching heaven’s height,
My Creator cherishes me,
As I slowly die.

Foolish Death!
There is no sting.
Conquered spirit,
You shall fear thee.

Peaceful future,
Fighting finally done.
Rest descends upon thee,
Thy battle with Death is won.

Mobile Minutes: Vanishing Turkey

Definitely one of the more…unique Thanksgiving holidays that I’ve taken part in over span of my lifetime. MC and Jim have gone down south to a family reunion for the next two days. However, because Starbucks is so friendly to the world [there's a bit of bitterness here], Darco is working today and tomorrow. Naturally, I’m not going anywhere without my wife.

So, that means it’s her and me today. She’ll be home any minute now. MC bought a new TV this week [ruined my Christmas plan for her], so Darco and I will probably head over to the small, quaint house in the small town and enjoy the silence, and the large television.

I think that’s going to be our Thanksgiving, and no I’m not really disappointed in that fact. I took a stroll down memory lane here at FilingThePapers and discovered the first Thanksgiving post on the site. I’d encourage you to read it before continuing; choice of course is yours.

I’d say judging off that post, in the past two years I have plenty of reasons to be grateful. Realistically, I can’t wait for Darco to get home. I barely remember her leaving for work this morning, and I look forward to exploring some of that post with her. Sure, it’s two years down the road, but I mean come on:

  • Beautiful wife
  • Living on my own
  • Incredible job
  • Psychotic soccer program
  • Traveling frequently
  • Bills being paid

How can you not be grateful? It’s incredible that at one point we’re miserable because we can’t afford to eat, we can’t get out of our parents house, and we’re probably never in the position to be ready to start dating; and those are our priorities. Then, if we’re not careful, we’ll find an entirely new list of things to worry about. I am guilty of this, on several occasions, especially as of late. I made a commitment to get up today and read through the archives of this site, if for no other reason, as a reminder of God’s blessing.

I hope the same goes for each one of you.

Happy Thanksgiving, it’s great to be thankful.


XO: What’ll It Take

It’s taken a few days for the adjustment to sit in with the realization of the job that I now face. It’s incredible, a daily challenge, new adventures, and I never sit still. I’ve never required coffee so much in my life.

It’s late tonight, I’m working from home tomorrow, which trust me; it’s going to be wonderful to get things organized in my head after a week filled with numbers, campaigns, and meetings. I’d say that I feel like a ‘grown up’, but my job isn’t 9-5 and for the most part I don’t work in a cubicle…sort of.

I was eating dinner with Darco tonight, after fighting the sleet and ice to get home from the ‘office’. I was explaining to her that on all accounts this is a dream job that people can’t even really wrap their heads around. I mean, guys come on, I’m being paid to create social media campaigns, operate social media accounts, and build a following. How cool is that?



I’m still learning about Mazda; as of yesterday I was placed in charge of the two dealerships social media accounts. I’ve given up on some YouTube work this evening; I grew too frustrated to even care and didn’t wish to break the laptop. However, that’s a good frustration; knowledge that you’re working on a project and you’re going to see results.

All of this really stems from a motivation, a drive, to go above and beyond. It’s no longer about proving myself, it’s more about just doing what I’m actually good at. That was the first hard step; recognizing that I am good at something. LinkedIn numbers don’t lie, the amount of people that have endorsed me for social media usage is…high, when compared to other endorsements. I never thought of it really being used as a tool or even a specific skill set until now. It was really implanted in my head when I was sitting in the interview, day two, and the owner looks at me and says:

So, what’s it going to take to have you.

Naturally, I won’t go into details about what that was. However, what I’m still shocked at to this point is the idea that someone wanted me, I mean really wanted me on their team. They desired to have a skill set that they thought I had to assist in the betterment of the company. That’s an eye opener for me, and something that I’m not accustomed to. The harsh truth is that I’m used to being in the way, and making myself known, but rarely do I ever have the honor of being wanted. I’m sure the owner will never know about what that meant to me, and that’s alright, but if there truly was something ‘life changing’ about that experience, it was knowing that for a change I had something, something unique about me, that was in demand.

The image from that conversation will sit with me for the rest of my life.

As for now, time for some sleep. YouTube has been fixed, and my eyelids are getting extremely heavy.