XXXI: Three Year Honeymoon

I finally found the batteries. They were stored somewhere in one of the kitchen drawers.

This is what happens when you move from one place to another in your life.

The past three weeks have been mind-blowing. Time has sped up, seasons have changed, rain has fallen, sun has shined, and we have relocated from our apartment into a house.

True. Story.

Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Sunflower Run

Greetings from the Sunflower State!

Darco and I are currently located in Wichita, Kansas. Tomorrow I’m competing in my first mile road race…ever. It’ll be the first mile race I’ve been in since the spring of ’05.

Needless to say, I’m a bit terrified.

I don’t know why. Probably because it’s something I enjoy, something I’ve legitimately trained for, and because of this I’m scared that I’ll disappoint those around me. Make no mistake, I’m not an athlete by anyone’s count. I’m just warped into the programming of believing that when you’ve put in the work it’ll pay off.

However, ‘pay off’ doesn’t equal 4:40.00 or below times (elite timing requirement).

I’m rambling. I suppose this is what someone could call their “pre-race jitters”. Zoning out, closing eyes, visioning the course, listening to the same audio track over and over.

I can only form a single thought tonight…

Please God, let me run.


XXXI: Broken Judgemental Hearts

Tonight, with the internet finally running, I was planning on giving some details into the moving process that Darco and I just went through over the past week. However, something took place this evening that gripped my heart to the point that even the joys of moving cannot trump such an event.

I am an awkward individual. How I walk, talk, and even write, so please bare with me if something just seems…well…awkward.

This is new territory for me.

Darco and I were visiting with a family member of whom we love dearly. It’d be months since we had seen them, and Darco took some time to ensure that they saw our new living arrangement. When I got home from work (and later running), we chatted, ate, and just had a fun time sharing stories of the oddities that we conclude are indeed our lives.

Towards the end of the evening, they began to prepare to leave. It was about that time that Darco looked at them, and simply asked, “Well, aren’t you going to tell him?” I, stuffing myself with food, was curious as to what the conversation was about. I noted that they were holding a artistic illustration of a name that I assumed was associated with them.

They started to giggle.
They started to avoid.
They stated, “He’ll make fun of me”.
They said, “He won’t like it”.

It was about that time, thank you education world, that I started putting the pieces together. Our loved one is holding onto a drawing of someone’s specific name. They’re laughing, making comments such as, “But, we’re not yet, so I can’t say it…”

That’s when something came out along the lines of, “She’s not my girlfriend…officially…yet.”

In one unique way, or another…a child (younger than me) who I love dearly, frankly (to put into awkward, politically correct terminology) came out of the closet tonight.

My heart shattered.

Not because of the desire of the wanted love, relationship, etc…
Not because I was so disappointed in their “LIFE CHOICES”…

Because they were afraid of my reaction.
Because, somewhere, they were afraid of judgement.
Because I go to church. Because I’m the Christian. Because somewhere, somehow there’s this disillusion that I’m inherently going to condemn anyone who is gay, anyone who is a Democrat, anyone who votes wrong, anyone…well…period.

I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m spiteful.

That reaction, that reaction is exactly why I struggled in college. I didn’t want to be grouped, I didn’t want to be identified as “judgemental”. I look at Christ and the only judgement I see from Him tends to be towards religious hypocrites. If I’m to be Christ-like then how on earth could I justify that kind of condemnation towards a soul that I love dearly?

It makes no sense.

It’s an everyday reality.

This is what makes my blood boil. When Christian’s cause more damage for God’s kingdom compared to the glory that we’re to bring God. It makes me angry, a righteous zeal towards the religious elite. These are those moments when I’m happy that I’m divorced, that I’m a failure, that I’ve caused so much pain for my God. Because I’m able to look at the rest of the world and realize there isn’t a inch of my body that could justifiably be placed higher than any other human.

My life is forced humility. How could I dare bring myself to judge? What has that young child witnessed that’d cause them to ‘joke’ about being looked at differently because of a choice they’ve made? Where does it say Jesus would do that?!?! Where would it say my loving, caring Father would treat His own in that nature!?!?

Show me in the red text.
Show me the verse.
Show me where my God gave up.
Show me when my Savior told me to condemn those who are looking for hope.

Until I see that…
Until I hear His voice saying that…

I will love those closest to me. I will care for those who fear the rejection. I will house the lost.

I. Was. No. Different.


XXXI: A Taste

Sometimes road trips are the most dangerous thing a person can conduct for themselves.

This time last week Darco and I were enjoying ribs with our friends in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Overall it truly was an experience I’ll never forget. It wasn’t just because of the food, the fun, and the atmosphere. It’s because I got a taste of a different life. Continue reading

XXXI: Bell Ringing & Tardies

I am blessed.

I’m just over a week into being an official teacher inside the school I’m currently with. It’s been a whirlwind of a month; from teacher orientation, room design and construction (literally), to the very first day of school. It’s easily a thought that I’ve processed on multiple days, but have concluded that the battery life in my keyboard wouldn’t last long enough for me to type out all of my thoughts in relation to this amazing experience.

Truly, the best way to sum it up is to say that I’m blessed. Continue reading

XXXI: 4 years, 37000 views, and many lifetimes later

I can hear my wife sleeping. She’s been asleep for nearly three hours now. Six hours ago she arrived back into the United States from her first international mission trip. As you could imagine, she’s rather tired. I’ve checked on her a few times, but she’s just sprawled out on the bed, soaking up the air conditioning, and peacefully asleep.

Not too bad for four years of reliving life.

It dawned on me a few days ago that I had passed the yearly anniversary of the founding of FilingThePapers. As much as I hate cliches, life really does fly by when you’re having fun. I went ahead and popped back to this time in 2011. On this day; I had began the process of collecting my belongings down south and awaited my new life up here. Honestly, I could have never predicted the life that was waiting for me. I’ve made business, failed business, hired, and fired. I’ve had bills caught up, and I’ve ran the risk of having my electricity shut off. I was single, I was alone, and I was angry for so long. Continue reading

XXXI: Butterflies

It is a two prong thought, both stemming from the realities of the day.

For the past two days, while Darco has been out of the country, I’ve been attending a series of classes for educators within our district. Some of the classes have been great, some of them…not so much. It was during my first class this morning, I was sitting across from my mentor teacher assigned to me from our school, and I confessed that I was nervous about the beginning of the school year. I felt that I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t sure what I was doing, and it was kind of settling into a panicked state within my heart and soul. I’m still embarrassed tonight typing out that thought. Continue reading