I woke up, after sleeping way…way…way….in. I’ve got a four mile run ahead, some laundry, a meeting in the afternoon, some BBQ perhaps, and spending some time with my girlfriend [can you tell that we're really not apart that often], MC, and Jim.
I’m very grateful for the post last night; I woke up with a clear head [and soul], optimism, and you know what else?
Hope.
-D-
Weather was nice. Road was empty. Marathon training says today is three miles.
I can’t sleep. I’m irritable. I’m restless.
“…and miles to go before I sleep…“
-D-
My body feels like death.
Anyone remember the ‘truck stick’ from football video games via Play Station? If you do, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
I feel like I’ve been mowed down. Last night I went in for my running for the day, as conducted via the schedule. The first two miles were alright, but kind of boring. I’m trying to follow instructions by running at a pace that I can carry on a conversation. However, by the end of mile two I was so desperate to go to bed that I cranked the mother up and run a sub-6 third mile.
I. Hate. My. Life.
It hurts to walk, sit, move, type, breathe, think…everything.
Thankfully though; some time as being a human, mid-20 adult is due up this weekend.
Double date tomorrow night [after a three mile run and work]. Saturday has some Peeps Soccer in action, a few stores, a two mile run, and then Sporting on the television with MC and Jim, with my beloved girlfriend cooking some wonderful dinner. Then Sunday…by Sunday I’m done with work for the month, it is an official ‘rest’ day on the training, and I will relax.
-D-
Today was day one of a 22 week workout for an upcoming marathon in October in KC.
I’m already sore.
It’s a good feeling though [not being sore]. I haven’t pushed myself over a mile in a single setting in quite some time. Going over a mile requires you to rely on your mind to keep yourself occupied while your muscle memory does what it is supposed to do. It’s a great time being able to just let the body go on auto pilot, and just subconsciously dream of all the different things going on right now. It’s incredible to look at the world around me, just to marvel at the life that I’ve been brought into. One mile at a time I found myself smiling and shaking my head thinking, “There’s no way this is my life.”
Sure, it isn’t perfect, but man is it awesome, and the coolest part? It’s just getting started.
By the time I finished up at the dream I was physically worn, but mentally I was assertive, prepared, and my soul was relaxed in the comfort of knowing that I’m blessed.
-D-
Good morning world.
I’m sipping on some Dunkin and sitting at gate E1A.
It’s time for some serious bragging:
Boston: Aside from the rush hour this morning being absolutely awful, the people are Boston are not down and out. They’re moving along and making sure that they’re taking care of each other. Realistically, it is very noble. Each radio station this morning had people calling in from their viewpoint of the bombings. Some sad stories, but honestly…with 26K runners and thousands of fans; the positive stories of safety and rescues far outnumbered the sorrowful notes.
Boston-Logan: Mad props to Boston-Logan International. Sure, there has been an increase of definitely 100% of police force in the area, but people are smiling, flights are on time, and no one is irritable. Blue and yellow shirts and jackets are dotted throughout the airport [these are the jerseys and jackets from the marathon runners], but there’s just happiness. People ‘high fiving’ one another, and just happy…people are just happy in the airport.
TSA: For the flack that TSA has received in the past, major, MAJOR props to the TSA at Boston-Logan today. They have been insanely friendly, very patient, no one is barking out orders, and they’re smiling. Yes, there are assault rifles all throughout the airport and again security has increased substantially, but TSA has blown me away today.
In the end, I’ve got an hour before I’m back on my way to KC. Never underestimate American’s and their will to succeed. Sometimes that success and overcoming sensation is demonstrated by a single action:
A smile.
-D-
P.S. I think I’ve discovered a new personal goal for 2014. I’m going to try to run the Boston Marathon.
Made it.
By the way…did anyone else know that the Boston Marathon was taking place this weekend? I was surrounded by passengers of the running type all the way from St. Louis to Boston. I confess that I did sleep most of the way to Boston; minus the beginning of a new book I’m reading “Heaven: Part III of the Halo Series” (don’t judge). However, after the plane descended past the cloud bank into Boston…I…was…speechless.
1.2 million people is an understatement. Oceans, bays, towers, shorelines, swamps, trees, roads [none of which are in straight lines in Massachusetts it turns out...] there’s everything out here. After getting lost trying to find the rental bus shuttle I was once again [conned] into an upgrade with Avis [they're so good...for only $3 a day more...] and went speeding off into Boston with a Ford Fusion.
I first experienced the toll system…$3.50 at a time. I was fearful that the roads were going to be tolls…NOPE…just the tunnel.
Yes, the tunnel. The ‘big dig’ project from a few years back. I spent the first five to six miles of my drive under water in the tunnel system. It was amazing. I’d never been in a tunnel that long and when I finally came out…oh mama…they knew what they were doing with their designs; you wind up on a massive suspension bridge that would make the new one in KC blush, and it glows blue and you see a massive, breath taking shot of downtown Boston; skyscrapers and all. Then the highway (I-93) is raised above the city, so heading north to my hotel I was able to see everything at night; it was insane.
No getting lost getting to the hotel this time, no snow either. I eventually found a Chinese restaurant with Kenny, a very nice waiter. My hotel is crammed full of runners for the marathon, and my hotel room is massive. I’ve been greeted by the people I’m with tomorrow, and I’m very, very, very blessed to have this opportunity. I’m heading to the field around 2:00 PM EST; game is at 6:30 PM EST. I’m just pumped…that’s the best way to put it. Strangers all around me, a completely different city, and a passion that I love. It is the escape that I’ve been dreaming of…and now I’m living it.
See you tomorrow world!
-D-
Will someone please tell me how it is already April?
A letter greeted me at my apartment today; a reminder that my lease renewal is up at the end of this month. Fascinating considering that it feels like just yesterday I stepping into this place for the first time. Yes, I will be renewing it for another nine months. While I do find the constant commute to KC a bit annoying at times; being removed the ‘bulls-eye’ of business can at times be very refreshing.
It’s already Sunday, and I’m still awake. I took today and was productive; cleaning up for the past several weeks that I’ve been running all over the place. Kitchen, bathrooms, dining room, and living room were all addressed. I’m still needing to work on the office and bedroom. Got a brief run in, and then took some time at a U-8 Peeps Soccer game. I cooked my own lunch, and had some leftovers.
I lived life.
I looked at my budget and cringed, noted bills, and hung up my recent diploma from Subway. Lit a new candle, and drank some coffee. Had burgers with my girlfriend for dinner, and complained about weight, health, and fitness following.
I guess this is what is called ‘real life’.
Regardless of how you term the notion of what ‘real life’ is, it comes and grabs you whether you’re ready or not. It’s insane to think that just over a month from now the Kansas City Shock will be in full swing. Tickets are being sold, and some very…weighted…topics are on my desk.
I see MC and Jim every-so-often, but living apart [even thirteen miles] has proved to drastically limit our interaction time [and home cooking]. MoVal is churning along after a great Easter weekend last week, and Dur is getting ready for coaching courses in California later this month. Jo is back on Facebook, and my girlfriend talks to her rather frequently.
Snow has melted, proposals have been made, and marriages are on the eve. My monthly magazine from my alma mater greets me with the same news of budget moves, new hiring’s, and expectations for the future. I run when I get the chance, and as of late I’ve really fallen short of my own expectations. I’ve argued with my girlfriend, and as of this evening…came out the humbled loser. I still make mistakes and I dream of getting this website turned into book[s] when the time allows itself.
I try to listen to dub step music just to give life a different age; almost as my way of reaching out to my youth and breaking free of the grips of this new reality. However, even there the melodies and drops start to blend into the next and the next.
I’m not sure what I dream of anymore. A few nights ago I woke up from a dream, and it was disappointing. Very realistically I had become the President of the United States of America, and was able to give the opening address to open up the Summer Olympics [the US had obviously finally found a way to get the Games]. It was a new world, set in a distant times. Magnetic bullet trains, and vast vegetation surrounded my experiences. Phone calls, family, and all around joy brought about by the Games and personally because somehow…I was the President. Compared to the several, consecutive nightmares that have befallen me in the past, this was a nice change of pace. However, as goes with any good dream; sometimes waking up is the worst part. Outside of that though; I dream about the day’s events; meetings, soccer, business, Subway, traveling, cities, etc…
Life is calm. I’m not suggesting that this is a negative aspect, but it is a change of pace from the rapid past three years. I suppose I’m transitioning in a pattern, a cycle, maybe maturing? I wouldn’t safely suggest that idea at this point.
I do not necessarily see all of these adjustments in past weeks as a negative change, but due to the transition of life [and lack of writing] it’s something that has definitely caught my eye as needing to be penciled into the daily accounts of this individual life.
Surrounding suburbs entertain me, and specific greasy spoons in downtown entice me; marriages aren’t forbidden, and the hostility of what once was is nearly non-existent. I still don’t want a two-story house, but that’s because I hate stairs. The white picket fence could be alright; I guess.
Am I losing motivation? Ambition? Passion? I would hope not, but the fear does seep in from time-to-time. I hope I’m not losing my edge, or becoming too old to wear my hat backwards.
With thunderstorms in the forecast tomorrow, in my world the seasons officially change. Boston comes up next weekend; as I head out of town for a few days.
Perhaps I’m just meandering around, but…I hope that in my personal world; a bit of fresh air and some deep breaths can kick me back into high gear.
-D-
I restarted my Tumblr account today.
The Tumblr account was created with one sole purpose: to lose weight.
The account was a accountable tool I used starting back in January of 2011. At that point in my life I was unemployed and 275 pounds. I didn’t work out, I didn’t run, and I didn’t eat well. Realistically, we can just say that I was a mess.
However, I grew tired of it. My pants wouldn’t fit, my shirts were too tight in the wrong areas, and even taking self portraits with a webcam was painful. I had become that person that I said I had never become.
So, starting at the end of January I started a year long program of destroying the weight, and I’ll be honest; it worked. By fall of last year, well after a full year had passed; I was down to 225. For my frame that is an ideal weight.
Since fall I’ve packed on some pounds; moving, gym memberships, apartments, pizza, donuts, and traveling all add up over time.
My girlfriend noticed and encouraged me to get active again, and not lose track of my personal goals. That’s what started up Tumblr today.
The thing about digital devices that you leave over time and come back to can be the skeletons that still remain in them. My Tumblr account has over thirty pages to it; that’s a lot of information dating all of the way back to January of 2011.
I was still married.
Foolishly tonight I went through some archive files on the account; noting the journey that I’ve had [similar to this site]. However, the more I read the more fearful I became.
Let’s remove the Shock from the image for a moment.
Let’s remove the apartment, the job, and the future.
Get it all out of the way.
Sometimes when I talk to individuals, media, etc…I take a few moments to review the journey I’ve been on since 2011, it’s been a crazy one for sure. However, as unique as it is, it’s something I never, ever want to even come remotely close to reliving ever again.
I still get scared of repeating the past. I still fear losing everything…again. I’m terrified of messing up, screwing up, and letting people down. I joke around that frequently I don’t sleep at night; it’s overrated. The real reason I don’t sleep at night is because I don’t want to relive the life I once had, I don’t want to remember June of 2011, I don’t want to remember September; I don’t care if it is all part of ‘who I am’, I don’t want it to be.
I’m not the owner of a premier women’s soccer team, and I’m not a corporate inspector for Subway. I’m an only child who screwed up big time a year and a half ago, and I’ve had to spend the past twenty months rebuilding everything about my life. This is why stress from the day-to-day can get to me, but doesn’t scare me away.
I’ve met isolation; I’ve lived with depression, and I’ve drank from the cup of hopelessness. These are my nightmares that I hope will forever stay locked away.
-D-
My fresh start is tomorrow; a Friday. For the past two weeks I’ve been battling the holiday’s, tryouts, and a very nasty cold. Even today I was KO’d due to an awful migraine.
So, tomorrow the stage is set.
I have a business meeting in the morning. Two stores. Picking up a new tablet (take two), and getting my gym membership.
Saturday I’ll be working with my girlfriend on getting Christmas taken down, cleaning the apartment, and starting fresh for 2013.
Tonight though, one final, long rest. 6:00 AM stops for no one and I’m ready to hit the ground running!
-D-
Recall back to one of my goals of losing weight. In January for 2011 I weighed an alarming 275 pounds. Rather insane.
The weight had to go.
Via working out, diet changes, and a divorce; a year later I was able to state that I was down to 225.
Incredible…”study’s” suggest that my ideal body weight is around 215.
I didn’t think much about, until today. After my girlfriend and I finished our stellar workout we went to the scale for curiousity. Because of a sweat soaked hoodie, shoes, and other clothes the number was going to be exact regardless.
I stepped up…
…with all the gear and after the workout the scale rang in right around 224…
…that was with all the clothing and shoes…
I am amazed.
-D-
