I’ve done everything else you could imagine in the entrepreneur world…minus one… Continue reading
I can, with a whole heart, confess that training these past two days have been harder than any track practice I ever partook in, in high school. I’ve collapsed at the door of our apartment each day, laid on the carpet, and dealt with the same cramp in a muscle that I’ve never had cramps in.
I suppose you can call this progress. Continue reading
I finally hit the threshold of exhaustion today. I spent an hour running outside, followed by another hour in the gym. With the 94℉ heat you’d expect some tiring from being outside, but it was the elliptical at the gym that really caused me to question life.
I have no stride, and an elliptical is great for forcing you to have one. Near the twenty minute mark I was just moving to move. All my muscles were failing, sweat was pouring off my face, and I just kept repeating the same question:
Why am I running?
Only through exhaustion can I see a clear picture of dreams, desires, and prayers. Darco always asks me what I want to do that would be fun. My answer to her is the same as my daily prayer, I just want to run.
I want to fly down the track, and move with the breeze. I want to feel my legs firing in sync with a wild horse. I really have no clue my purpose for being placed on this earth, but this much I do know:
While I’m here, I’m going to keep running with my dreams.
The morning after is always the hardest… Continue reading
I’m typing this from my parent’s PC in the living room this hot afternoon in the Midwest. I should be typing this on my laptop, right? Yeah, I should except that, that laptop wasn’t mine to begin with, it belonged to the company that I was employed with.
Earlier this afternoon I was notified that my services as a social media consultant were no longer needed as the businesses I worked with were “going in a new direction” by way of social media use. In other words, I didn’t fit the bill, I had worn out my welcome, and I was no longer needed.
Put bluntly: I was let go from my job this afternoon.
Just like a divorce, and other eventful, painful moments in life there seems to always be paperwork involved. I had to leave my signature along with an office key, laptop, and security device that allowed me into the office. I couldn’t write my name quick enough.
For a few weeks, very similar to the events that transpired with Subway in July of last year, I had the internal feeling that my time was drawing short within the company. I wasn’t involved in as many meetings, I was being asked what the passwords were for all the social media accounts, and other little hints that I was able to note that the end was coming.
Thankfully, I wasn’t completely caught off guard this afternoon. Darco was, as I’m sure I just made her shift at the coffee shop very stressful, but internally I’m quite well. The truth is that while I enjoyed this “dream job”, I don’t think that it was the dream for me. I enjoyed what I did, but I definitely wound up viewing it as a job, and not as something that I forgot I was doing for a job. Also, in light of ongoing conversations with Darco about running, this too ties into a delicate topic that we had discussed for the previous few weeks.\
Spiritually, I don’t see this as God saying, “You abused what I gave you, so I’m taking it all away.” Instead I find peace and excitement in knowing that gears are finally turning, and change is coming to our household. It’s hard to fight back the fears of paychecks, bills, and other ongoing problems, but where this door was evidently closed and this chapter secured; a new one is bound to open soon.
I’m pleased in the fact that the first thing I did after leaving the office was contact the former employee I worked under while subsitute teaching in a local school district. While I’m sure there is some needed paperwork for me to fill out, I’m quite confident that I’ll be back in the classroom within that district very soon. Darco is looking for promotion halfway through September, and while the paycut is indeed evident, if things go smoothly it’ll balance itself out quickly.
I understand that substitute teaching is definitely a short term fix to the immediate problem, so it looks like the resume I’ve been working on for a few weeks was a positive indicator and evidence that I listened to God. There’s a position that has opened up at a specific office that I’m interested in, so I’ll be sure to check that out as well. If nothing else, perhaps the third time is the charm. Twice now I’ve avoided full time teaching positions because something else has come up at the last moment, perhaps this’ll be the time where that cycle ends.
I’m not sure. What I do know for sure is that it’ll be nice not to work on a Twitter account 24/7 non-stop knowing that appreciation will never be given. The other blessing (big time), is that because of the decrease of the mental load, I can begin to focus more and more on my running curriculumn. I’m sure there are plently of readers that may their eyes while reading over these lines, but for future progression this is an important blessing to immediately recognize.
I’m not heartbroken or sad, I was scared for quite a while today, but the more I calm down the more I begin to realize how much of a real life blessing this really is.
I hate close calls.
In my head I thought that colds were best handled with hot showers and hot tea. Since recovering from my recent ailment I thought a “hot run” would do the body some good also. Especially for being off for a week.
With a heat index of 103℉ I set off from my parents house on a hopefully easy two mile run. Turns out I wasn’t completely recovered. Continue reading
It was tiny.
It held one bathroom, two bedrooms, a living room, and a kitchen/dining area. There was one window that peered above the bed, it nearly two feet tall and it was the only source of sunlight in the entire building. The carpet was thin, and was anchored directly the concrete slab that had been poured. The kitchen had a fake plastic cover along the floor, there was a partially operating air conditioning window unit that also doubled as a heater in the winter. All the rooms were covered in artificial wood paneling easily from the ’70’s area.
It was tiny.
I never slept well during the night in this small living compartment. Most night I would spend online in the second bedroom that had been turned into an ‘office’. I’d work on applications for high school teaching positions, and randomly Skype individuals who were also up at that time at night. At the same time my wife at the time would sleep in the bedroom. I’d crawl into bed around 3:00 AM, and try to sleep through the distractions until she got up for the day (usually around 6:00 AM), and then I’d sleep until noon or 1:00 PM in the afternoon. My life revolved around that small apartment. I didn’t see sunlight very often for the first six months, and frequently slept on the couch.
It’s startling to believe that, that experience was nearly four years ago. I remember the sheer joy I felt the day I left that apartment for good, packed up with MC and Jim, I was released from a prison that I had created for myself.
I’m not really sure why I’m reflecting on the memory, aside from the fact that some of the medicine I’m taking for this recent bug has caused me to be extremely restless for about thirty minutes after ingesting the pill (who knew). Darco is quietly sleeping in our bedroom as she’ll be getting up around 4:00 AM to get ready for work, and I’ll head back in after finishing this and get a good nights rest prior to heading back to work tomorrow. I still probably won’t enter the track again until Friday, just one day in the real world again is enough to drain me, I’ve learned this from previous experiences.
Something about being sick causes you to reflect. I contribute that to the drugs and the insane amount of free time that you find yourself having in the middle of the afternoon, sweat pouring off your face, and wondering if the world is still moving without you. It’s one of the first times in quite some time that I’ve taken time to just reflect and overall compartmentalize life as I know it. As I frequently joke with Darco, I’ve already lived three lifetimes already, so that’s a lot of memories that have to be sorted through, compared, and analyzed.
I’m peering out my living room window, watching the night pass, as I write this. I think back to quick engagements, steady faith, marriage, and everything that’s accumulated to the point that brings us to now. Darco and I had a very, very unique conversation today; tying back into “XXXI”, and some of the goals that we’re striving for. From cooking at home to other more extreme discussions, we’ve had several of them as of lately. We’ve grown weary and tired of the town that we’re currently living in, I’m pushing myself harder each day physically, and life is just changing. I’m noticing in the realm of, “I want to do this, this, and this…” no longer appropriately describes my existence.
My life is less cluttered and more structured:
That’s it. I’m no longer interested in obtaining five million different ideas, concepts, or creations. I love my job, I love getting lost in cyberspace, and I love producing results. I’m growing more and more in love with the church that Darco and I attend, we’re part of a weekly church planting group that meets on Thursday nights, and I can’t express how much of a blessing they’ve already been. MC and Jim continue to churn through their own lives, while ensuring that we survive ours as well. Jim was recently offered a full time job at a local school district, and that in itself brought a lot of ease to the family. Some days I firmly believe that Darco is a bigger blessing to me compared to myself with her. I learn something new about her each and every day, and how she isn’t afraid to try new things. Just because an individual lived a sheltered life, doesn’t mean that they fear adventure.
Finally, there’s something about those shoes. A pair of shorts, a pair of shoes, my sunglasses, and I”m good to go. Whether it’s a few miles, a mile, a time trial, sprints, or whatever the case may be…I’m not even close to perfect, but nothing feels greater compared to moving in stride with my soul.
Faith, family, work, and running…they’re all connected to one another. Each is required to ensure that the other remains. Those are all four things I was drastically missing inside that small apartment four years ago. They are all four things that I’ll forever cherish close to my heart.