I don’t understand how over the years I’ve been labeled as the crazy one…
I’m not playing video games in my late 20’s while my wife cleans.
I’m not living in my parents house.
I’m not wearing skinny jeans.
I’m not declaring to have an internal gender identity separate from the external gender.
I don’t own a confederate flag. No, the south will not rise again.
I don’t own a rainbow flag.
I don’t wave signs that suggest, “God hates fags.”
I have a job.
I survived off minimum wage.
I can’t stand Fox News or CNN.
I have had heartfelt conversations with Muslim’s, Hindu’s, people of different races, people with disabilities, people who are gay, and people who are straight. We all found ways to smile while talking and listening to one another.
I’ve voted for Republicans and Democrats; neither instance did I smell sulfur.
I believe in God.
Every step I take,
I take in you,
You make move Jesus
Every breath I breathe,
I breathe in you,
The simple lines reverberate back memories of mission trips, summer camps, and when life was overall easier. Less facial hair, less stress, and an overall appreciation for simplicity…without even knowing it at the time. Even last night at my parents house I found a 31 page paper that I had typed out of spite towards one of my professors. Reading over the text I was humored at how naive I was at the time (and also how my grammar could be relatable to my sixth grade students). Continue reading →
Still nothing from the state on my license renewal…
I’ve started work on my resume…
I’ll start on other school district substitute forms tomorrow…
I’ve lost my motivation to run…
My wife is chronically disappointed in me…
I applied to Walgreens today…
I cried last night. While laying in bed this overwhelming sensation of guilt and failure rushed over me. The best thing I could do was hold Darco, whisper, “I’m sorry”, and hope to fall asleep.
It’s isn’t that I miss the job, it’s knowing what kind of bind my shortcoming has placed on our family…again. We learned that it may take up to six weeks for my substitute license to get renewed through DESE (Dept. of Elementary and Secondary Education), and of course that was a sensation of heartache that came through the family when we learned that.
Whether I liked my previous job or not really isn’t the question, it’s more about understanding that I failed. Again.
I can firmly say the phone call I just received is a first for me. The dialogue when kind of like this:
Me: Why are you crying?
Darco: Because I’m anxious.
Me: Why are you anxious?
Darco: Because I’ve never gone out and spent money on clothes for myself.
So here’s the deal. Darco, as we’ve talked about before, grew up dirt poor. Moving from place to place due to her mother being evicted. It is a really sad story. When we met, Darco’s wardrobe consisted of work clothes, old athletic shorts, and t-shirts from high school.
That. Was. It.
When we got married we were super broke for several reasons. I still told her that when the day arrived, we would purchase a new set of clothes for her.
Praise God that day was today. With holes in her work shirts and shoes, today was the day to wipe the slate clean.
However, much to my surprise. Instead of being thrilled with a shopping spree, my wife was scared to spend any money. Crying from anxiety of getting something for herself.