Mobile Minutes: Morning of Mourning


I woke up to a very tragic text this morning. A young woman (24) was killed in a car accident last night.

Sadly, she was a competitor against me in speech/debate in high school, my prom date, and even my girlfriend for a period of time.

Not really how I expected my morning to start, but…without sounding too “church-y”, I would at least ask to keep her family in your prayers.

Death is never easy on anyone.

Let Tuesday begin…

-D-

XO: Questioning Leadership


There are just some things in life that take place of which nothing can compare you for. I guess I’m supposed to say that, that is ‘part of life’, but sometimes life makes no sense.

Sometimes family can be the catalyst, and recently that’s been a serious issue. By serious please know that I’m not talking about bickering, gossip, and the other trivial garbage that takes place within DNA strands, but serious problems.

Last year, the week that Darco and I got married, my mother-in-law was evicted from her home. Resulting in Darco, myself, MC, and Jim cleaning up a house that she vacated [and a cat she abandoned]. She moved up north with family, and I had assumed that, that was how life was going to move. This, of course, was after she wound in the hospital last February due to not being able to move CO2 out of her body at a quick enough pace. Understand that Darco is her only daughter, and the only family member that’ll stick their neck for her.

thought this was the pattern life would be in, and we could focus on each other and move forward. Until earlier this week, along with all the stupid stuff I spoke of earlier, I received a distraught phone call from my wife. She explained to me that my mother-in-law had been kicked out of the house she was staying in, and was now planning on living in her Jeep in the city.

I. Am. Not. Making. This. Up.

This individual is diabetic, and also needs a breathing machine at night. She can’t stay with us because she can’t physically get up all of our stairs. We learned yesterday that she’d been lying about where her disability checks were going [to a random scam artist via Facebook]. My wife is a complete disaster; I mean an emotional mess, it’s sickening and saddening. As the husband, as the leader of the household…I have no idea what to do.

Unfortunately I come from a position where there’s little sympathy for people who purposefully make these decisions, and refuse to be assisted by anyone else. It’s along the lines of someone standing on the side of the highway with a sign reading, “anything helps”; I’ve witnessed people offer to buy food, a meal, etc…but many just want money. This is a terrible example of the same thing that’s going on with our family.

As you could imagine; the level of stress from this constant drama is unbelievable. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I’m supposed to lead, and I’m clueless. We’re not made of money, and we’re barely making it on our own at this point. I’ve been in a position without a life [see page one], I’ve stolen food from motels for meals before, but I tried my hardest to get back on my feet and I was in my early twenties; not my late forties.

It’s also frustrating to see this take place leading up to Mother’s Day. I’ve seen my wife get lied to over, and over, and over again by the same person. She has a heart for people that few, if any, will ever be able to reach in size. Because of that, every time her eyes are opened to the truth, her heart is broken all over again. I’m supposed to protect her from that, but does mean I protect her from her own mother? I don’t know the answer. I know that I’ve had to deal with anger and bitterness as of late because I hate seeing people take advantage of others, but I’m not sure where I’m supposed to step in. What’s my position? What’s my authority? Any? I don’t know.

I know that as always, though not always my favorite, prayer is the best tool we have. In times like this, it’s about the only tool we have.

I confess: I’m growing weary of life’s struggles.

-D-

XO: I Am No One


I am no one…

…and it feels great.

I was running last night through some rural roads while a storm system passed through; creating a delightful [and cold experience]. Upon my return back to the starting position of the adventure it started to sink in…

I am no one…

However, in past experiences this would be met with doubt, guilty, pity, and a plethora of other mentioned terms that’d make me feel sorry for myself, yesterday was not that experience.

I am no one…

Over the past two years I received exactly what I wanted, I got a taste of the spotlight, and I accepted the pressures of life before me. I tried, I failed, and then I was brushed off and led onto a new path. I love my life; I have an awesome wife and an incredible job. Imagine, I sit at a computer all day finding ways to market products and services through social media. I practically live on Twitter and Google+, how cool is that? My wife has become a health nut, of which I love her even more because of it. We travel, work on new projects, pray for her promotion, and watch life evolve before us.

I am no one…

I am not a successful businessman, entrepreneurship really isn’t my thing; even though I find the process fascinating. I love to type, dream of writing, and get wrapped up in new, creative ways to market new ideas and dreams. I wasn’t really designed to be in the spotlight, the preacher, teacher, businessman, or anything of the life. I enjoy being behind the scenes, staying quiet, and operating life from the stroke of the keys. How different is that from a piano player? I read books, run outside, and drive throughout the country between work and home. There are dreams of fitness, and hopes of health; knowing that one will always compliment the other. I hang out with my best friend, she’s everything to me and I couldn’t have dreamed up a better life partner. We’ve witnessed tragedy, disappointment, and many sleepless nights, but God never left our side. We’ve cried for repentance, and wept when hope felt lost, but each morning we’d wake up knowing that He was still in control.

I’m trying to live a reality and a dream I had years upon years ago; simple truth of being less so God can become more. It’s taken hard lessons, and painful realities, but as time progresses scars do really heal. My blood pleasure is lowered, and sleep comes rather easy these days. More time is spent with family, and after 7:00  each night social media world gets placed on hold for the next morning. There are dreams and ambitions, many tasks I hope to accomplish, and bigger adventures that lie beyond the current path.

With that said though, no matter the event that lays before me, or the path that is taken, I am so much more comfortable hanging out in the shadows, being more quiet compared to loud, and learning to put pride aside and understand what ‘me’ is really about. The idea of ‘me’ is merely pride, accepting that the importance of life revolves around yourself. It’s a dangerous place to be as a Christian, and it become hard to keep your tongue controlled. Thankfully God is good, a loving Father that always rescues His kids every time that they’ve fallen. In recent months I’ve fallen hard, and it’s hurt, and it caused pain, but at the end the lesson learn was understanding that when the sun sets, when the sun rises, I have to always uphold to a holistic truth:

I am no one…

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Keys To The Past


Wife’s asleep, minds at peace. Million memories running through this place. I cringe at past reality, and wash away such images by pushing forth into a futuristic place. Through sorrow, triumph, heartache, and fall; I stand not on my own, I will never be alone. Listening to her rest, dearest soul mate of mine, please don’t stir awake; rest, knowing that you’re fine.

Understand that you’ve taken my useless life of years past, and delivered eternal heartstrings, an unconditional stirring that’ll forever last. Hold dear in your dreams, sweetest angel, as hold you close to me.

Accept that my life, though short in times delay, has been a thousands times repeated, nearly ending the same. However, coming across your life I’ve discovered something new; I’ve come to better understand life when it isn’t always about you. When yourself is removed from the equation, love is multiplied three times, the focus goes to heart closest toy ou; your heart and mine collide.

It’s nearly midnight; once again what’s become the ‘average time’ for myself to head to bed over the recent weeks. The cats hopping on the table; surely to be swatted again. It’s so easy, I’m coming to find, to get so wrapped up in the stress of life in the current; when it doesn’t have to be that way. Before she fell asleep, I listened to Darco talk about this couple that she knew, and some of things that they’re going through, and how she didn’t completely understand how two people, committed to one another, could act in such ways.

It’s those moments that I’m grateful for her being naive. Listening to those questions and concerns, I placed myself back in time three years ago when I was in that exact situation that she was explaining. Coming home to a family, a loving wife, and having someone else on my mind. That’s my guilty confession, a reality that’s taken years to accept, and listening to Darco speak of a family going through the same thing…needless to say it sent chills down my spine.

If I ever wanted a reason to be grateful for the here and now, I merely have to refer back to what once way. Here’s the unique perspective that I told my wife today. I’m heading up the stairs to our apartment, I know that she is in the apartment, and I assumed that she was asleep. In the back of my mind though, as I turned the key into the lock I silently thought, “What if it’s empty? What if she’s gone? What if I’m alone again?” Had I done something to deserve that? Not that I was aware of, but the fear, years past, still sits in the recesses of my mind.

Sometimes I try to embrace that fear, understand it, and let it take its course. Primarily because it’s a reminder of how blessed my life currently is; versus the life that truly feels a million years behind.

-D-

 

Mobile Minutes: Kori’s Victory


Dearest Death,
Where is thy sting?
Hidden upon this shroud of mystery,
I fear nothing.
Not the dark,
Nor emptiness,
Nor pain.
I tremble not at the unknown,
Instead grasp eternity.

Oh frightened Death,
You know not thy fight,
Exemplified strength.
Battling tremors of the night.
I shall not fall to thee,
Instead: arms reaching heaven’s height,
My Creator cherishes me,
As I slowly die.

Foolish Death!
There is no sting.
Conquered spirit,
You shall fear thee.

Peaceful future,
Fighting finally done.
Rest descends upon thee,
Thy battle with Death is won.

XO: Off Target


Realistically I could take this moment to blame the soccer world.
Frankly, I could also blame the social media network that I routinely get lost in.

Who am I kidding?

It’s my fault. Continue reading

XO: Trending


There are just those moments when you’re given the opportunity to spread your wings…
And in those moments you’re also allowed to see adversity that lies beyond the obvious…

This week has been an absolute challenge. It’s started with  surprise press releases, wound up with a surprise appearance and presentation at the Kauffman Foundation, and added with that was a few very late night meetings in the office.

Nothing was meant to be easy I suppose.

However, it was today that the frustrations of the sports world finally came to a head in my personal life. Per usual, as many things in this wonderful reality, it stemmed directly from the women’s soccer world, and frankly…I’m tired of the Kansas City Shock being chronically underestimated and overlooked.

Why was I at the Kauffman Foundation today? Because the Kansas City Shock was being presented again. Nearly a year after the first presentation. It was an absolute honor. What I thoroughly enjoy about the opportunity is that the Kansas City Shock has the opportunity to reach into the business sector of Kansas City. This way the program isn’t seen as just ‘some soccer team’, it’s a living breathing that is making a conscious effort to let the city know that. It’s something that was built into the original blueprint; the program isn’t just a program that stems from soccer on the field, but technology in the digital world, and a business mindset in the office. We’re trying to redefine women’s soccer, no matter the size of our program.

Realistically, I would have thought that people in the soccer world of Kansas City would have cared. A press release went out on it [I know, I reviewed it] to all media outlets within the community. Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ had the information posted everywhere as quick as we could get it out. I thought on our end we did everything we were supposed to do to get the information to as many people as we could.

Darco was sick, so I was alone at the Kauffman Foundation. There was no press, no media, no one within the soccer community of Kansas City. It was just another reminder of where we stand in the hierarchy of what others dictate as important. During the same time some mad man was ranting about the National Women’s Soccer League on Twitter, two teams had announced…or were going to announce…venue changes. Realistically, what I’ve learned about the majority of women’s soccer is that news really isn’t reported. News is staged and drama is strummed up in order to receive more ‘hits’ on the digital side of the industry.

That’s the game that is played, and because of how the Kansas City Shock is structured, we don’t belong in that game.
Ever.

Which also means that we don’t belong in that spotlight. Frankly, it’s recognizing that the Kansas City Star wants nothing to do with our program, but the Kansas City Business Journal covers our developments.

We’re not the rich kids.
We’re not the well behaved kids.
We’re not from the suburbs.
We don’t suck up.
We do tell people where to stick it.
We’re unapologetic.
We form our own identity.

Needless to say, when a women’s soccer program is speaking on the development of business, social media, software integration, and the sorts; I would assume from listening over the years of all the belly aching that the poor, pitiful charity organization referred to as women’s soccer, would embrace the concept that someone, anyone is being recognized as a real business. Stupidly, I assumed that people within the industry would be proud to see a program that’s trying to pave the way to a point where this industry may finally be taken seriously by the rest of the people that aren’t associated with the game [that's called the majority].

Nothing.
Silence.

It sickened me to watch people drop over dead for rumors of trades that were already done behind close doors, and the rants of a sports agent. I thought we did something great…I thought we did something today that grew the game. I thought we followed through with what we were supposed to do to grow the expectations and excitement of women’s soccer.

But we didn’t have the right name.
But we’re not in the right league.
But we don’t have the right ownership.
But we’re not rich enough.
But we’re not manipulative.
But we aren’t liars.
But we’re not the poster child for this industries expectations…

I was saddened heading over to the office afterwards. Know that one many was right several months ago, “No one gives a s%#! about you.” What’s more unfortunate is that, that isn’t even the case outside of our industry, that’s the story within the industry.

With all that said, this post is specifically me complaining because the hard working people of the Kansas City Shock [not myself, please believe that] fight every day to do something incredible, but the world of women’s soccer…doesn’t care. I’ll never understand why; I only know that it’s only going to get more convoluted as time elapses.

Finally, to pour salt on the wound. I’ll leave tonight with this blunt, joyful/disheartening reality.

…yet we still aren’t justified in the eyes of the ‘soccer demigods’ of Kansas City.

Going to bed tired, worn out, disheartened, and frustrated. I know that’s not where God wants me to be, but it’s hard to have faith in your purpose when you understand that redemption will never come to you and yours. You’re in a fight on your own.

-D-