XXXI: Vanity or Salvation


I run.
Nearly every day now.
What started six years ago as a means to impress my now ex-wife, became a tool of divorce recovery, and now a method of worship for my soul.

It’s more though…

I, like many, hate looking in the mirror. Daily I question what Darco sees in me anyways. It’s hard to stomach the idea that you’re not an attractive person. It’s a sin of doubt that plagues the mind. It’s been one of mine since I was a child.

Recently I learned a fun project for myself to handle the temptation of doubt and humility. I would grow my hair and my beard crazy long, losing my face in the process. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want to see my shortcomings.

I’d run for weeks, months, watch what I eat, and any time spent in the gym was done with multiple layers of long sleeve clothing.

I made it hurt.

I never wanted Darco to regret marrying someone that wasn’t handsome, unique, or attractive. She deserved more, she deserves more.

This weekend I shaved and cleaned up to see the progress, and for once…truly once…I was surprised.

For the first time in my life, that I can recall, I can look in the mirror without the guilt.

image

image

I know it isn’t perfect, but I hope it’s something for my wife. She deserves it.

-D-

XXXI: Hang Up & Talk


Growing up in a digital age, I can’t believe that even I’m to the point of disconnecting from our own, manmade cyber world.


Perhaps I’m the youngest one in this age,
The idea of hanging up, putting away the prepay
Unwinding fingertips crippled by chronic keyboards,
Typing away each final breath.

Maybe I’m alone,
This new advocacy for self-help in a digital plain,
Deleted, rewriting, and disconnecting ones image,
Easing away the physical pain

I ponder the amount of dates gone by,
Talking to him across tabletops,
Screens rolling past his vacant eyes,

How many times has he whispered to her,
In the midnights twilight,
Understanding she heard nothing,
Except the comedy routine from YouTube’s limelight

Twisted, dark deceptive life
Full of zeros and ones,
A binary cry,
Calculated cost of communication cut short,
We cut the cord,
But we never hung up

Curious cursors cruise across screens,
Imaging imaginary ideas,
Reality no longer desirable,
Photoshop, ragtag pieces of former cut, cropped, cropped tops,
Litter to the mind

Days erased and night now rotten,
Glassy eyed empty souls,
Twisted membranes of cellular display,
Underline the world lost,
The love forgotten.

Unplug the warped reality,
A cyber crime unwinding in the minds eye,
Take up a natural life,
Block out the screen,
Turn off the lie.

-D-

XXXI: No Formula


I did not go to church today.

I sat in our living room; marveling at the beautiful, frozen landscape that had created itself over the night.

My wife did not go to church today.

She sat beside me, half asleep, taking in the warmth of solar radiation and a pristine paralysis that surrounded her.

We did not go to church today.

Continue reading

#getyourpraiseon


#429 of things I never dreamed that I’d witness in my lifetime:

Waking up late on a Saturday morning, heading into town with my wife to enjoy a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop. Driving home, paying bills, balancing our account, and beginning the deep cleaning of our house. Witnessing the fact that we’re actually growing our savings while paying off bills in mass at the same time.

Pretty cool place.

Cats are sleeping, wife’s out enjoying the day with her friends, and I’m joyfully at home. Relaxed, listening to progressive tracks of synthesized music, and taking care of this life that we have.

We are blessed.

We will praise.

getyourpraiseon

-D-

Mobile Minutes: #PittBound Part V


Thirty miles to go…

Darco has blown my mind today. All weekend I was on NyQuil due to fighting a cold, meaning complete exhaustion in the mornings.

We were up by 6:45 AM EST this morning. Out the door by 7:00 AM EST.

My wife knocked off the first 400 miles of our trip home. After I did a measly 200 miles, she grabbed the rest! Letting me sleep and recover without issue.

I am blessed.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: #PittBound Part I


Get it!
Darco and I have embarked on a holiday journey. Currently on route to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to see friends.
Also listening to throwback music from high school and college.
I love my road trips with this awesome lady.
Reality is we fell in love over coffee and random road journey’s.
Why stop what works?

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Defuse


All day at a softball tournament watching family play. My wife later tells me to go home and relax.

It’s a simple statement, but crazy sweet. The day after a week of school has come to be known as my desperate plea for rest. Teaching is rewarding, but exhausting.

-D-