XXXI: Not My Own


It’s 9:30 PM and I’m sitting in the living room eating tacos from the kitchen. i’ve just finished another anime episode and I fell asleep on the couch; requiring Darco to wake me up for bed. It’s been that kind of day.

Absolute exhaustion and trying times.

Yesterday was a mess. Between some student loan issues (imagine that), screwing up an assignment for class, and just a failure to adapt to the classroom, it was not a pleasant experience. I was in a rather foul mood last night by the time I left school, and I was hoping (and seriously praying) that today would be different. Thankfully, this was the case. I’m not stating that the day was perfect in comparison to yesterday, but I am going to say that God was able to change my mindset and expectations, so that I could work in an area I love with a more humble soul.

Twice, in the past six months, I’ve failed to gain a classroom position inside the school. The first time it created a horrible sense of bitterness internally, but in the end I had to accept the reality that I didn’t hold the legal requirements to teach. Why should I be mad at someone else for the mistakes I’ve made? With that memory in mind I was able to handle the news of¬†potentially¬†missing out on another classroom position this week. Through this process I started to see the pattern that I’ve become a hypocrite in front of my own students…

So many times I’ve complained about students having this sense of entitlement when they’re in school, “Well, I earned this.” or “Well, I deserve that.” can be heard as distant echoes down the hallway. It’s rather irritating to hear and very discouraging when thinking of what the future could hold for them in this very hostile, unfriendly world.

I say that while with the same mouth and mind I can hear myself saying, out of bitterness…

I’m mad because I’ve earned this opportunity…

I’m upset because I deserve to have this chance…

Doesn’t matter the age, the reality is the same. I’m no different compared to my own students. I have this horrible, worldly sensation that punctures my soul with greed. The truth is, is that I don’t even deserve the job that I currently have. The bitter reality is knowing that there’s nothing in these previous four years of life that indicate I even deserve the life that I’ve been given. Classroom? Trying deserving the wife I have, a supportive family, loving friends, a healthy life, etc…

Who am I to seek entitlement for a life I don’t even deserve?

it was a hard, bitter pill to swallow. Recognizing how fallen I am, and how dirty I’ve become. Realizing this is why it became easier to accept my position, cling to my school, and stop worrying about all the details and just live an enjoyable life. I can firmly say that, that in itself is a blessing that I’ve missed for years.

Maybe this is just another one of my random rants about life. i’ve missed out twice on the hopes of having a real classroom for the next school year, and I’m thankful that God’s prepared my soul to handle the understanding that sometimes His timing and our own for our lives don’t always match up.

I have to require my soul to be alright with understanding that I cannot be in control of my life.

It wasn’t my own to start with anyways…

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Jupiter’s Storm


What I’m learning…
I love my students. Middle school kids crack me up on a daily basis. They’re strange, but they’re a ton of fun and the energy level never ends. It’s a perfect environment for me.

Chaos, energy, and attitude.

Sadly, like everything in life (not just work related) there is a flipside to this scenario. There’s a daily temptation that roams the halls each day that I exist, this whispering little serpent that winds itself in and out of the classrooms. It’s wrapped up in drama, gossip, rumors, and in many cases nothing in favor for the students.

My biggest struggle, deepest prayer, and darkest fear all stems from not giving into the world that’s before me. I never knew that even with the enjoyment of students, a quagmire of personal fear thrives in such a safe haven of joy.

It’s a learning lesson for sure, and definitely something that’ll never go away. No different than Jupiter’s ongoing storm, this reality and educational moment will continue to spin.

Perhaps I just need a bit more sugar and caffeine in the morning.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Pronto


How much longer until your certification is ready?
Two weeks, sir.
Good. The minute it’s finalized, email me.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to share these dialogues, but this is what took place inside the hallway in school today between myself and the principal. What does it mean? I have no clue aside from a glimpse of optimism.
Just praying everything falls into place…

-D-

XXXI: In-Service


Am I supposed to enjoy “professional development days” at school?
I’m not really sure, but today I definitely did.

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Yes...SpED department selfie!

This morning, similar to our last in-service day, the instructors were able to take some time and award “GATOR’ade” to people in the building for going above and beyond.
Towards the end of this lengthy process I wound up with a bottle from an unlikely source (in my opinion).
When I took the position I currently have at school I was located in a case manager’s classroom. This case manager, very pregnant at the time, sits around my age. However, their level of professionalism and maturity is so high that quite frequently I accept the role of the annoying, hyper younger brother when I’m in her room.

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You could imagine my shock when she nominated me for one of these awards this morning. Whole-heartedly I was genuinely surprised (and really humbled). Coming from someone who’s so mature and level minded, it just spoke volumes to me. Additionally, another teacher nominated me at the same time for my speeches that were given over last Tuesday, which brought upon a shade of red to my face.

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Snapped by an administrator...I think (that's me standing up).

Please understand I don’t type this out of pride. School is the one place where I continued to be surprised. I’m having so much fun, and it’s considered a job. I’m in love with this specific school, I can’t get enough of the kiddos, and the staff just blows my mind every day. Sure, it has its quirks, but the relationships built here are just unfathomable to understand…and it’s a middle school.
IA, teacher, instructor, etc…whatever my position is, I’m so, so blessed to continue to be in such a warm, caring atmosphere.

-D-

#getyourpraiseon


I’m supposed to be in bed right now…

I just turned in my third week of assignments for my class. That means I’m 50% of the way to getting my teaching license reactivated. Woot! Additionally, as I learned today, since I’m in school at the moment the student loans that create so many headaches? Yeah, they’re on hold because the university I’m enrolled in stated that I’m a full time student. So, Darco and I were figuring numbers, carrying one’s, etc…We figured out that if this really is the case, then why not just go ahead and finish up my Master’s degree and keep those loans on hold as her and I increase our take home pay in the process?

Speaking of Darco and take home pay…

I had to wait for nearly two hours after school today to pick her up from work. She was meeting with one of the higher up’s and it looked important. Even still sniffling she came to the car with a giant smile on her face.

I’m moving stores.

Remember that she’s currently an assistant store manager? She’s being moved to another store to temporarily ‘take over’ as an acting manager. These next two months will also be her ‘trial period’ to see if she’s ready to become a full time store manager. Oh, the store she’s being sent to? Three miles north of the school I teach at.

Speaking of the school I teach at…

I took a leap of faith today and met with the principal of the school (nice guy). I informed him that even if a teaching position were not to open up for me for the 2015-2016 school year that I would return in the role I’m currently in. I think that move caught him off guard, but I’ve seen enough schools to know where I’m most comfortable and where I can do my best, and I firmly believe that my heart is sold on that specific school. Classroom or not.

Outside of these rapid happenings today, we’ve found at least one new apartment down in the area that we’re interested in as May approaches. We’re still a hot mess, but the good Lord knows we’re trying to figure out this whole adult life thing.

…now to work on that speech I’m supposed to give tomorrow…

-D-