I listened in church today.
No, that isn’t uncommon.
However, between the baby’s crying and the child behind me puking [poor thing!] there were plenty of distractions to keep my eyes and ears away from the attention on the stage.
It was about the new year, it was about steel, and of course it was all about God.
It isn’t necessary to go into the entire lesson of today’s explanation of Scripture, but I must admit that I felt convicted. I felt out of tune. I felt as if I wasn’t doing enough to focus my attention where it should be: God.
Sure, in front of a camera [I hope] I’ll display and announce where my loyalty lies. The Kansas City Shock only exists because of God’s grace [that better be on my tombstone]. And, I would hope that I would put the same thoughts on this page at any given moment.
But what about the mind? What about the areas that people can’t see, that only God can reach. What lies in there? The frustrated guy about sponsorship’s, the questionable guy that’s curious about recent events in the women’s soccer world, the boy that sometimes finds himself just lost between meetings and freeways. There is a soul that still doubts.
That, I am ashamed of.
I think it is natural [remember, since the fall of man humans without the grace of Christ are inherently sinful] to try to take charge, to be in control, to lead. However, where does our leading constantly lead to? Failure. Demise. Hopelessness.
The season is quickly approaching, and some areas I don’t have nailed down yet. Am I alone? Nope. In fact, I bet there are programs way, way in the back of the pack. However, in the recent month, especially when being sick; I just wanted to control everything, let my mind do the work, and let my effort prevail.
That isn’t how God works. He isn’t all about the ‘human pride’ complex. Even this weekend, I made a business mistake. I won’t go into details, but it was a mistake none-the-less, and I can’t ‘fix it’. It could have been avoided, but only if I would have slowed down, thought out the process, and most importantly: focused more on God, then my ‘works’.
Our pastor compared a lot of these thoughts to steel, hard steel and soft steel [he works in a steel plant]; soft steel has potential, but hard steel has to be heated up and made soft before it can be used.
I was hard steel. God had to ‘turn it up’ on me to get me to soft steel [reflect to the beginning of this site if you need clarity for that]. I don’t want to be hard steel, I don’t want to revert back to the life I had. It’s a daily fear. Every time I make a mistake, especially along the business front, I grow fearful that I’m becoming ‘hard’ again. If I upset my girlfriend, the same fear comes in.
I firmly believe that God can use me, and I can see the path that it’s on. Trust me, I dream at night of the day that people look at the Kansas City Shock and just say, “Something great is behind that program.” I know it is possible, I’ve seen too much already to not believe it, but I also know that my mistakes, my flaws can get in the way of His glorious plan.
In my world; it’s so, so much more then a game, even a business. It’s more than a field. A sponsor. Even the players. Personally, it’s about finding the area that God wants me in, in order for Him to demonstrate His greatness.
Consider this post…just honesty.