It’s the weekend; as stated before, I’m working through the week, and that’s alright.
I’m just spending time lost in communication.
I’m still working on a “O” draft, but for now I just want to type a bit. I’m not tired, full of sleep, and have a wonderful evening planned with my girlfriend, MC, and Jim. however, the mind never stops, it’s a raging machine always looking for answers. My girlfriend, being ever-so-supportive is always telling me not to worry, don’t stress, “God will take care of it”, and I instantly notice how easy it is to preach to someone that God has it under control [not a shot at her, but in regards to myself] and yet when it comes time for you to show your faith, and let Him have control…it feels impossible.
We were eating breakfast at IHOP a few days ago, since everything else was closed in town due to the snow, and we were talking about stress, fears, and the unknown.
From the innocent, young adult side; the Kansas City Shock is one of the scariest things I’ve ever been a part of. It’s “faith 101”, you have to have it to survive. There is literally no guarantees with anything in this business; something is changing on a daily basis, and I’m always in fear of making the wrong move.
More notably I see what lies down the road, what’s “next” for our program and I know the requirements that need to be in place, but I’m not always sure how they’re going to come about. It’s a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling. Until you take a deep breath, step back, and watch some of the things that have transpired:
- Didn’t get the home field we wanted; ended up wrapping up into a brand new facility instead
- Hype? Not a ton, but being able to speak at entrepreneurship conferences in Kansas City can quickly change that
- Not knowing how to enter the program into the league; the immediate fans changed all of that
- The group of people within the city, and within the country that send messages of encouragement
- The talented graphic design company that was created out of nothing, but whom I’ve known for my life during college and beyond
- Immediate player issues, and when looking back it has become a filter process for the dynamics of the program
- Getting the news press left and right? No, instead we’re tapping into the younger, up-and-coming journalists within our area
Most of that took place in a few days time span, and of course that’s only a tip of the iceberg.
This is where it becomes hard; you start to doubt, you fear you’re in the wrong direction, and then suddenly…out of nowhere, this presence takes over and shows you something that immediately just happened without you realizing. A nugget to just hold you over and keep you patient; like manna and quail.
I guess, even though I screw up, doubt, and don’t always rest easily; in the end I can only ask this…
…whom shall I fear?