O: Distance

How do we measure distance?

Rulers? Weights? Memories?

It’s been a productive day in the psychotic style of my life’s choosing. Stores were established, phone calls were made, money transferred, phone calls made, and coffee consumed. It was another day.

While I was at the bank today I was sorting through some money and getting the paperwork ready for the poor soul of a teller that was going to have to tell me that my math was wrong again. So, I made sure to state that I needed “X” amount of this bill, that bill, and this change; all adding up to the sum.

What was incredible about this sensation was not what was located in 2013, nor 2012, but the instant sensation of 2011. Strange enough?

It’s a memory; I recall going through the same procedure when making daily deposits at the Subway I was working in down south. It was a daily task of mine [and gave me a chance to slip out of the store for a few minutes]. It led me back to working inside a sandwich shop inside a food court inside a regional mall.

It’s incredible to reflect back on March of 2011 and not have regrets of the time. Life, amazingly, was simpler. I had been with Subway [again] for about a month, my wife at the time was getting ready to sign a teaching contract, and I was in and out of area high schools as a substitute teacher. We had gym memberships, a comfy apartment, and a new life. After the doom and confusion of the winter had emerged the opportunity for a second run at a new life, and to get things right. It appeared that’s what was life was going to be; right. Naturally I had no idea of what the following months would ensue, but for the moment I kind of had it all.

That’s all a memory recollected while filling out a transaction slip at the bank today.

Like everyone else in the world I find it astonishing when what felt like yesterday quickly fades into the realm of a mere memory. When talking to people about Subway, I forget how long ago I started with the company [both in store and corporate], and how long I’ve ‘been home’, and even the details of the events that led to the life I have.

Fascinated, I sit on my couch this evening [yes, I have a couch finally], and stare at the blank wall impressed by how fast time does go by.

I would almost think that it was a blessed assurance that I was starting to forget moments of a life before the one I currently have, but aside from bitterness and sorrow there are images that are played in the back of my head that bring about happiness and hope.

It’s startling to imagine that two years from now many of these moments will simply be bottled up in a filing cabinet at the back of my mind, but memories do take place for the sake of reflection, and to also expand space for new ones to form.

As strange as it sounds, as my temper has cooled after nearly two years, I kind of miss the life that I once lived. When the world aligned and life looked fine. That being said though, I quickly have to recognize that, that time was a moment when I decided to settle for what was and chose not to seek out what could be.

This post is definitely a rambling muse, but as spring descends on us once again I can’t help but push forward the notion of change. Reflecting on what was, compared to what is; realistically I have no space to complain. A wonderful relationship, an incredible church family, a group of individuals set into motion with a soccer business that continue to blow my mind on a daily basis, all placed in a world that is beautiful to me. Those are things are untouchable and will always be cherished, but for now…there is much to be learned, loved, and lived.


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