Realistically I could take this moment to blame the soccer world.
Frankly, I could also blame the social media network that I routinely get lost in.
Who am I kidding?
It’s my fault.
After a very stressful meeting for the Kansas City Shock tonight I wound up shutting the laptop, pouring a glass of tea, and just sitting down with my wife. With color gone in my face, I just stood at the kitchen bar and looked at Darco and simply asked, “Now what? I’m losing the fun in the game.”
The challenge with FilingThePapers is knowing what goes on here and what needs to stay off, but for the sake of understanding the predicament and eventual outcome, it needs to be noted that with the Kansas City Shock…I’m no longer having fun.
There could be half a dozen people I could point at, or some financial problems, or maybe just competition, but in the end the reason I’m not having fun is because I’ve lost focus. It isn’t the focus for the game, or the business, or even the concept; it goes deeper then that. I’ve because…that Christian.
My wife, who will be a Christian for two years this month [she keeps track of these things], made a statement about ourselves that I felt echo through my soul.
You know, it kind of feels like we’re just going through the motions as of late.
Now, her not being from the “churchie group” should be enough to throw an alarm. Phrases like that are saved for church camp and Wednesday night devotions, but devastatingly enough she was absolutely right. Between the travels, the stress, and work as a whole…I’ve completely lost focus. Going to church was just an obligation and it wasn’t fulfilling, the prayers were stale, and the conversations that I cherished so much for years with God were just…lacking.
Frankly, I had allowed our family to become the “American Christian”. The family that is so wrapped up with life, work, success, future, and beyond that I had completely missed the point for why our lives even exist; to bring glory to God. I’d become the person that I had grown to despise the most. Church was just a ‘duty’, it wasn’t even joyful and I only have myself to blame.
Now, what does that have to do with the beginning of this entire piece?
Simple, it all blends together. The relationship with God dictates the ability to navigate through life’s messes, and trust me we have plenty of them at the moment. However, instead of being a family stressing out, dealing with ulcers, and fearing what lies around tomorrow. I am so grateful that after a very long, length, thought out discussion with Darco we’re ready to move forward. The Kansas City Shock, a primary topic on this page, is a very difficult business to comprehend. It’s raising funds for the season, organizing games, and ensuring that the community even knows that you exist. It’s a big challenge, and something that I’ve struggled with. It isn’t just difficult because of what it is, but it’s even more difficult doing something without God on your side. The truth is that I haven’t even let Him on my side.
Additionally, the other key point that I learned tonight was the continued gratefulness that I have for my wife, and our family. I openly confess to being a stubborn creature, and it was so, so impressive and heartwarming to witness her come to my side, nail me on my flaws, state that I was out of rhythm on being Christ-like, and wasn’t afraid to step on my toes along the lines of the fact on the business front…I’ve been lacking as a front line leader. My wife called a spade, a spade and brought some much needed truth down on my shoulders.
Since the end of our first season it’s been about me, it’s been about business, and because I took God out of the picture…incredibly I removed the fun as well. I’ve been relaxed on the “#getyourpraiseon” posts because I’ve been lazy, and I haven’t focused on what is important. It amazes me how we can easily be our own worst enemies.
While the snow continues to do its thing, I’m going to go ahead and kick back to a mental reset, a spiritual search, and a time of prayer driven mediation to see where things went wrong, when I went off topic, and what needs to be done to repair what I’ve done to my God. He doesn’t need me, but every day I face these issues, these questions, and these concerns…whether it be from myself, or more importantly from others, it’s evident of how desperately I do need Him.