Wife’s asleep, minds at peace. Million memories running through this place. I cringe at past reality, and wash away such images by pushing forth into a futuristic place. Through sorrow, triumph, heartache, and fall; I stand not on my own, I will never be alone. Listening to her rest, dearest soul mate of mine, please don’t stir awake; rest, knowing that you’re fine.
Understand that you’ve taken my useless life of years past, and delivered eternal heartstrings, an unconditional stirring that’ll forever last. Hold dear in your dreams, sweetest angel, as hold you close to me.
Accept that my life, though short in times delay, has been a thousands times repeated, nearly ending the same. However, coming across your life I’ve discovered something new; I’ve come to better understand life when it isn’t always about you. When yourself is removed from the equation, love is multiplied three times, the focus goes to heart closest toy ou; your heart and mine collide.
It’s nearly midnight; once again what’s become the ‘average time’ for myself to head to bed over the recent weeks. The cats hopping on the table; surely to be swatted again. It’s so easy, I’m coming to find, to get so wrapped up in the stress of life in the current; when it doesn’t have to be that way. Before she fell asleep, I listened to Darco talk about this couple that she knew, and some of things that they’re going through, and how she didn’t completely understand how two people, committed to one another, could act in such ways.
It’s those moments that I’m grateful for her being naive. Listening to those questions and concerns, I placed myself back in time three years ago when I was in that exact situation that she was explaining. Coming home to a family, a loving wife, and having someone else on my mind. That’s my guilty confession, a reality that’s taken years to accept, and listening to Darco speak of a family going through the same thing…needless to say it sent chills down my spine.
If I ever wanted a reason to be grateful for the here and now, I merely have to refer back to what once way. Here’s the unique perspective that I told my wife today. I’m heading up the stairs to our apartment, I know that she is in the apartment, and I assumed that she was asleep. In the back of my mind though, as I turned the key into the lock I silently thought, “What if it’s empty? What if she’s gone? What if I’m alone again?” Had I done something to deserve that? Not that I was aware of, but the fear, years past, still sits in the recesses of my mind.
Sometimes I try to embrace that fear, understand it, and let it take its course. Primarily because it’s a reminder of how blessed my life currently is; versus the life that truly feels a million years behind.