XO: 2.0


Sometimes a fourteen hour road trip to the middle of nowhere is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Yesterday, I wound up taking a journey that quite literally stretched the entire state of Missouri. I went nearly all the way to the southern border, before heading east for four hours through the Ozark Mountains, and random little towns. After arriving at my destination, I was there for nearly twenty minutes before I was back on the road and headed home. I started the journey around 9:30 AM and returned home this morning around 1:30 AM. No one was with me, I was alone in the Mazda3 all day long.

It was nice.

The weather cooperated, so that’s more then I could ask for compared to the previous weeks. The adventure was work related, and very spur of the moment, but I met some wonderful people. I also received a free sushi roll, brownies, and two coffee cups while traveling. Always entertaining for sure.

Most importantly though, it was the ability to drive, focus, and search for the ‘glow’ that I had lost over some time. Work is stressful, things don’t always go as planned, and you tend to look down the barrel of failure on a daily basis. Many times I feel that this is my life in a nutshell, and while I was watching the sun go down on my way home last night I started to wonder on what basis does this agony take place. Am I the reason for my own misery? Many, if not all the time, the answer is, “Yes”.

I was talking to my wife while on the road, and I made note to her stating that it’s my belief that we can want all that we could imagine from God. God also makes note of each persons inner desires, and His goal to utilize them to bring glory to His kingdom. However, personally, I’ve become stranded on some rocks because of this concept. See, because I am inherently evil,  it’s easy for me to play the “God card”, and expect Him to take care of everything. The problem with that idea is that it does tend to come off as selfish, and also the things that one ‘wants’, what is the intent behind those wants? In several instances, I found myself wanting something, just so I could command, overpower, overthrow, and manipulate someone else. Why would God allow that? Why would He give someone their hearts desire, just so they could rule over others? That snag, that’s the part that isn’t biblical, and I’m very, very guilty of it. I replay, play, and daydream scenarios where I’ll always get the last laugh. That isn’t being a Christian, that’s being power hungry. It isn’t showing grace, it isn’t being Christ-like, it’s being selfish.

Last I checked, God doesn’t reward the selfish. It was a reality check while I zooming across US 60 last night. Reflecting on weeks and months past, how my ego demonstrated that I was in control, I knew what I was doing, and the destruction that is brought. Stopped listening to God, started listening to the world. Gave up on creativity, gave in to conformity. Sadly, I drank the Kool-Aid.

It’s fascinating how creativity and closeness with God run so close together. It’s almost as if He wants us to venture on our own paths, and create new ideas to better the world we live in. It almost feels that God encourages us to think outside the box, while keeping focus on Him. I find it incredible to see that as my relationship with God diminishes, so to does my ability to come up with new ideas and adventures.

By the time I finally stepped into my apartment this morning, I was ready for bed, but I was always in higher spirits. I spent fourteen hours working out my mind, working to block out the negative thoughts that sat at each corner. I was able to focus on listening to God, and understanding the difference between words of wisdom from peers, and negativity from a toxic world.

Nothing is finalized, and there is a lot of work that needs to be done. However, this trip was wonderful and definitely needed. I had a simple mission of delivering a package. There wasn’t a time crunch, there wasn’t a meeting, there wasn’t people to keep track of. I simply had to drive, enjoy the view, and talk to God. I wouldn’t give up moments like that for anything in this world.

…not to mention I did get to enjoy my favorite sushi joint, and the Starbucks down south still remembers my drink…

-D-

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