XXXI: Watching Space

You’re losing weight…you don’t stick out as much…

I love my wife, whether her comment above hurt or not, I still love her dearly. Perhaps it is because I’m a male that I have a fixation on the physical elements of life. Fitness, health, and the body. Nothing scientific, just the measuring point of where I stand in life. Honestly, I feel like my life has revolved around the physical glimpses of life as I’ve progressed through time.

Age 0: Born
Age 5: He’s going to be huge.
Age 7: Awkward haircut and baby fat
Age 12: Scary, pudgy, large red headed…thing
Age 15: Bean pole
Age 17: 185 pounds…wet…and 6’5
Age 19: Time to loose the freshmen fifteen
Age 22: Time to loose the freshmen fifteen…part deux
Age 24: Losing weight to make my ex jealous (sad, but very true)
Age 27: One final go…

In a few weeks Darco and I will have completed our first year of marriage, something that’s actually quite incredible. Along with that time frame is the recognition that I’m setting a permanent standard for my life physically. While it is true today and last night have been full of nothing by ice packs and pain; I’m trying my best to lose the right fat the right way. In the past I’ve shed pounds because I’ve skipped meals, or trimmed back on how much food I was eating total. This is not a wise idea; thanks to Darco I now know how I should be eating, what I should be eating, and how I should be feeling. It doesn’t make weight ‘vanish’ as quickly, but it does place the body in a position to be stronger at continual, endurance based fitness. I don’t want to gain everything back in 2017.

The daunting reality is that after next week I’m going to be 27 years old; that means I’m supposed to be more of an adult (we’re still working on that). Once 2016 arrives and passes I’ll be looking at age 29. After 2016 that’s when the family starts to be built, and that’s when life really gets busy and sacrifice is continual. If I don’t plant a firm foundation for the expectation of physical and spiritual health now, by the time the future rolls around we, a family, will not have a platform to stand on.

Note: What people tell you; you will experience mental and physical changes during your adolescent years. What they fail to tell you is the mental changes that you’ll begin to witness when you’re transitioning from a random 20-something into a person that winds up leading a family. That’s some scary stuff.

That’s precisely what I’ve been dealing with spiritually and mentally. It isn’t the whole settling issue that concerns me; it’s looking at houses and thinking, “Yeah, it’s nice…but what school district is it in?” The whole process is hard to explain, as I’m sure it is different for everyone, but as you age each morning you just start thinking more and more about family and about lives that aren’t your own. College and high school are both so far back that you’re starting to forget names, and the relative nature of those moments don’t play into your everyday life. You talk about them as pieces of history, as moments of memories, and you just leave them in that position.

I suppose I’d describe it as entering into a new life, and for selfish souls like myself, it’s going to take another two years to firmly comprehend and understand. The day isn’t spent so much about dreaming about what could be, or what was, but more about, “How does the family budget look? What’s the meal plan for the week? Which car needs service?”

Maybe, just maybe, the wild, rebellious streak of life is finally winding down. Perhaps the entrepreneurship concept of the mind is finally shutting down, and that office is starting to look cozier and cozier. Personally, I see it now as not trying to figure out life as much as it’s about how I’m to take care of our lives.

I’m sure by the fall of 2016 I’ll be living in the world that would be defined as settling, but I also think by that time I’ll be wanting to settle down and quiet my personal life down. I think by 2016 I won’t be so again that terminology; I think that because, just like I’m setting the foundation for the expected health disciplines of life, I can already feel myself beginning to wonder in the sane direction of family orientation.


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