XXXI: Convictions

Maybe it’s the Bible study on Thursday nights…
Maybe it’s Darco…
Maybe it’s the Sunday services…
Maybe it’s the students…
Maybe it’s just God…

I listen to heartbreaking stories throughout the week now. Ranging from medication, to living in hotels, to street violence, etc…Kids, sadly, live tough lives in some cases. I’m one of many that get to hear their stories daily.
I’m blessed.
Their frustration, questions, and curiosity are daily reminders to me of how vital it is that I act as a “Little Christ” everywhere I go. It reminds me of how far I’ve fallen. I’m not a saint, just a hypocrite. I struggle reading the Bible, but love to argue theology. I have become the university I attended. It’s saddening to know I rarely talk to God alone, and prayers feel mainstream. It’s not anyone else’s fault; it lays squarely on my shoulders.

I am to the point where I’m just as frustrated about my weak faith as I am my weak Achilles. God wins, He has me to a point of painful realization that I’m just going through the motions. I’m just another American Christian.

Humility is my guide, and embarrassment is my teacher. The more I interact with students, the more I share about my life, the more I begin to see internally that I’m shamefully not the person I should be.

I’m blessed knowing that my physical and spiritual lives are now parallel. It’s angers me to know how low that level is, but I take heart that God is still in the business of making fishers out of men.


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