XXXI: Addict


Once upon a time, when I was much younger, naive, and frankly…dumb, I got involved in an event in high school that resulted in a threat of suspension. Another student had posted on their locker (this is circa 2004) a lengthy explanation of why they did not agree with our government being involved in Iraq.
Please note, this is a school in a town of 1500 people (and 2000 cows) with rather stereotypical political tendencies for its size. At the time I acted first and thought second. After reading the post on the locker I went home and typed my own “declaration” and proceeded to place it on my locker. Nothing was said about the locker-warfare, but students were sure to see the two lockers (a few steps from each other). A few days passed before lockers throughout the school started to read, “I agree with Shawn” across the front. 5 days after the other student had posted their original thought, I found myself in the principal’s office…

Either you take these down, or your suspended.

MC said I did it for the attention, and I firmly believed that I had done it because I thought it was right.

The story lays out a repeating problem in my own life; even without trying I’m addicted to trying to beat the system, whatever that system is. It was repeated in college (several times, including a petition), Subway, and my most recent job.

I swore to myself that I would follow instructions, not blur lines, and avoid drama in school because frankly, I really love my job.

Today, I was called into the principal’s office. A few weeks prior I had cracked a code to software problem we had in the building, but kept it internal in the building.

Unfortunately, someone I informed about the findings, informed the district IT office and they in turn contacted the principal.

I wasn’t in trouble, but politely I was requested to remove the software in question, from specific devices in the school.

Again, I was reminded that I wasn’t in trouble, but for the remainder of the day (even now) I went into a funk, questioning why I’m always going against the system set in place. The reasoning why easily explained, no problems from any parties involved, and I simply followed the request.

Why should I accept the rules? Why should I not try something new? Why is it wrong to be innovative? I’m continually finding ways to stick out, cause problems, and all because I don’t understand why we’re supposed to accept life at face value.

It was simply a sour ending to a very bitter week. I am discouraged, frustrated, and saddened that continue to fail to comply like adults are supposed to do.

-D-

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