Mobile Minutes: Poser


Dear Diary…

It’s been two days since I did any sort of running. Last week, in preparation for the race on Saturday, I took it easy. On Saturday I gave it my best, but was sadly lacking. Today, I’m struggling for the motivation. I’m tired and have a bedtime quickly approaching. I’m tempted to head to the gym, but I’m just not feeling “up to snuff” for the track.

Perhaps I’m just becoming lazy, or I’m just disappointed in where I’m at with my goals. I need to have my mile at 5:00.00 by June 1, 2015 and the fastest I’ve moved is 5:57 in the month of April.

I should be faster. I should be lighter with a stronger core. Mentally, I feel so week. I know what I’m supposed to be doing, but I keep falling short. Drink more water, eat less garbage, get appropriate rest. I received 5.5 hours of sleep last night, I can feel it in my body. Do I rest, or is that an excuse to get out of work? What’s an excuse versus a warning?

I’m sure I’m thinking too hard on the simple thought. I met a teacher today that ran in college, and even after starting a family, still has 6:50 splits on half marathons. It’s humbling and humiliating to recognize that some inherent the ability, but others…we’re on the outside looking in. It causes motivation, at times of question, difficult to come up with.

It’s worship. Do I need an excuse for worship? Does God care if my offering is first or last, on the track or in the gym? No, He simply wants to hear from me, so why do I fear the protocol of success?

My success only comes through Him, whatever that may look like. I know my heart’s desire, but the work and grace required to find that desire is so frequently burried below guilt, fear, and embarrassment.

Thankfully enough of these written thoughts is enough to allow mmee to move.

-D-

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