XXXI: Chaos Theory


Humans are officially one of the biggest, hottest messes to exist this side of the galaxy. This is what I’ve come to believe over the past week; namely taking cue from my own social existence.

It amazes me how drawn we are to conflict and chaos. Life can be peachy, we could be in a ‘honeymoon’ phase of reality, yet we’re not satisfied until we find a problem that needs a solution. Does anyone else understand what I’m referring to?

Life is good, God is great, the summer is here and reality is rolling along. However, multiple times throughout the past two days (TWO…DAYS…) I’ve caught myself looking for trouble. Looking for conflict, looking for problems, looking for ‘impossible situations’ to get myself into. That sounds completely insane the more I type this thought out.

I think, maybe only speaking on behalf of myself, that we’re afraid to draw near to God when times are good. Sounds strange, right? Think about it though; it goes back to the old homage of putting God in a box when life is great, and only getting Him out when life gets a bit crazy. Maybe, somewhere inside the soul we recognize this problem, and we believe that the only way to resolve the issue is to have constant problems so that we can maintain focus on God.

However, I’m not real sure God’s a fan of that plan. He creates life in a sensation that we’re able to meditate in Him during the trials and tribulations of life, but also in the times of peace when the storm clouds clear. I’ll state it very clearly here, Darco and I are terrified of the situation that we’re currently in.

In some ways, we’re used to cars breaking down, jobs being lost, and bank accounts being overdrawn. That’s not just speaking on behalf of our life together, but our lives in general. I found out, months into dating, that there were significant periods of Darco’s high school life that included no running water or gas in the house that she called home. That kind of reality is very hard to shake when the clouds part and the sun shines. We become skeptical that there’s no such thing as “peace” in this world. True, God never says anything about life being smooth on this random planet, but He does make it very clear that at times there will be blessings that’ll drown you out if you’re not ready (this is not a Joel Olsteen reference).

This is one of those areas of being a Christian that reading and accepting can be relatively easy, but actually living it out can be a much more tedious task.

With that said, there’s a difference between looking for problems and continually striving to be better; physically, spiritually, and emotionally. At the moment, I’ve been given ample time to continue to learn and develop to be better physically; that has meant dissecting my diet, analyzing my training, and developing a path that glorifies God with a final result. On the same token, I also have a lot of learn about being a better husband, especially in the emotional department and being a stronger, God-lead leader of our household. These are things that I’m always going to be working on, but they’re not the chaos that once ensured that I had no choice but to focus on God’s leadership.

Personally, seeing a vantage point of both worlds, I’d argue to suggest that depending on God when life is life, and not completely turbulent is a much harder viewpoint to live in within the confinement of our culture.

Perhaps at the macro end of the observation that’s where the continual trial lies; maintaining focus on the one that gives life and not the one that is choosing to live the life given.

-D-

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