XXXI: A Taste


Sometimes road trips are the most dangerous thing a person can conduct for themselves.

This time last week Darco and I were enjoying ribs with our friends in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Overall it truly was an experience I’ll never forget. It wasn’t just because of the food, the fun, and the atmosphere. It’s because I got a taste of a different life.

Disclaimer: This has zero influence on anything teaching related, so anyone reading this piece please keep that into consideration while you pour through the rest of these rambling thoughts.

I went to a church service that I loved. I worshipped in a venue that finally allowed me to be comfortable in my skin. These things are not common when looking at the whole church perspective for myself. Sure, it was a giant church, but in the end…the atmosphere, passion, and sound just resonated within my soul. Something that I’ve been longing for, for years. I spent time with people that are my age, that don’t have kids, that aren’t on their way of having kids, and are focusing on life at the now. I spoke with friends that are stuck in weird jobs, struggling finding people their age to hangout with, and in some subtle context dream of something more.

For 72 hours I was finally comfortable. I was with people that hadn’t grown up too quickly, had matured, but hadn’t figured everything out. It was so refreshing. Sure, lives are completely different in many ways. However, they are awesome Christians, they are near my age, and they understand the moment of life that we’re all currently in.

I got a taste of life with friends living a life similar to myself, and it was so refreshing it saddens my soul to know that it’s already merely a memory. i’ve struggled for the past week trying to wake myself up from that experience. Understanding the here and the now, compared to the past experience. Dearest reader; I had fun merely being me. I didn’t have to act older, be ‘wiser’, or anything along those lines. There were no facades, no illusions, just reality…and it was so nice.

It’s those moments that hurt because I know when I wake up where I currently am, I have friends, but they don’t understand this specific moment in life. I have a church, but truthfully, I hurt because I’m having such a hard time putting my soul into a worship experience. I’m uncomfortable with the awkwardness of Songs of Songs with couples that are so much more mature compared to myself, that we’re almost reading out of different books (some of these comments are metaphors).

it’s one thing to have a weekend where you’re just on an all-night bender, and you get ‘a taste’ of everything wrong in this world. The frustrating part is knowing the taste I got, was tasting a life that I dream about. Being around friends that live the same struggles, strive for the same goals, and spiritually are on the same page.

Knowing where that experience sits, makes waking up here so hard to call home. Perhaps this is all personality flaws and mistakes within my own metacognitive mind, but I know when my soul is happy.

it was happy in another place.

I feel out of place.

Merely because I got a taste.

-D-

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