XXXI: Vanity or Salvation


I run.
Nearly every day now.
What started six years ago as a means to impress my now ex-wife, became a tool of divorce recovery, and now a method of worship for my soul.

It’s more though…

I, like many, hate looking in the mirror. Daily I question what Darco sees in me anyways. It’s hard to stomach the idea that you’re not an attractive person. It’s a sin of doubt that plagues the mind. It’s been one of mine since I was a child.

Recently I learned a fun project for myself to handle the temptation of doubt and humility. I would grow my hair and my beard crazy long, losing my face in the process. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want to see my shortcomings.

I’d run for weeks, months, watch what I eat, and any time spent in the gym was done with multiple layers of long sleeve clothing.

I made it hurt.

I never wanted Darco to regret marrying someone that wasn’t handsome, unique, or attractive. She deserved more, she deserves more.

This weekend I shaved and cleaned up to see the progress, and for once…truly once…I was surprised.

For the first time in my life, that I can recall, I can look in the mirror without the guilt.

image

image

I know it isn’t perfect, but I hope it’s something for my wife. She deserves it.

-D-

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