XXXI: Off Game


I can only blame Monday’s for so much…

I’m not sure if it was the class that struggled with reading the assignment in class today, whether it was the meeting with administration in the late morning hours (planned, nothing wrong here), or the sheer awkwardness of my complete lack of social skills around my peers this evening…but my day has been a wreck from the near start.

It’s hard to process the anxiety and fully write out the suppression of the individual psyche, but I can assure you that more than once this evening I felt myself taking deeper breaths than usual trying to focus on the room around me. I’m sure that it’s merely ‘all in my head’, but when you do something you love every day and one day doesn’t blend like the others…it’s enough for everything ‘in your head’ to come out in some random form of emotion.

Today was just one of those days where you subconsciously keep a check-list of all of the things that you’ve done wrong from the moment you woke up to the moment you arrived home. Why didn’t the kids understand this topic? Am I teaching to the correct standards? Did I meet with enough students one-on-one in class? Why do I struggle talking to my peers at these workshops? Why did I screw up after-school study hall? Are people starting to wonder if I’m actually a good teacher? What am I doing? The list carry’s on, and on, and on, and on…

This is my mind; I know it is. I understand that I “control” so much of it, but man…when you’ve had an off day, or your game is off, or something isn’t ticking right…especially in the beginning of the week. It’s a mess to recover from.

It’s just a day where you want to apologize to the school, to your wife, and to God for making mistakes that mainly only you know. You pray that you sleep well, eat well, and try to give the next day a better start.

-D-

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