Mobile Minutes: No Shutdown


Gears are spinning, laying here, searching for rest to find me. It is another silent night with chaos in my head. Pondering futures, ignoring pasts, and attempting to forge ahead.

I’ve learned that I march to my own drum because stepping in rhythm to anyone else’s deprives myself of unique opportunities; constructing my own destiny.

I cannot focus on what was; the temptations to overflow the heart of petty history blocks out my potential, inherent responsibilities.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Stalling


I’m stalling…
I gave into my antisocial desire to avoid people this evening. First step is to admit the issue. The second is dealing with the frustration of the letdown.

Tonight, after school, I was to join a running group to work on speed sessions. Completely voluntary, open to the public. I’d been talking on social media, asking questions about tempo runs, time improvement, etc…it was something that would go well with what I’m looking for.

At 4:30 PM a severe thunderstorm watch was issued for the area. The track for this speed session was an hour south into the city. I wasn’t sure of the weather, so…I stayed home.

Now, I’m going through the guilt. I didn’t want to go because I’m slow. I’m not a fit, attractive runner. I’m awkward when I move, and my mind easily moves faster compared to my body. I am afraid. It’s so frustrating. My mind says, “Go make new friends. Go run.” My body just freezes, my stomach starts to churn, and I talk myself out of the event.

I’m an adult right? I can make my own decisions, and I can do as I please. Yes?

No.

Maybe it’s the growing older process; I just can’t get over how much I truly struggle being around people. Not just people I know, but those I don’t. It’s embarrassing to have a complex similar to that of a teenager. Nothing makes sense. Common understanding is that it’s healthy to be around other people, it’s a cultural and societal drive.

I’m going to keep trying. I’ll get it right, it’s just going to take some time.

For now though, I think I’ll just go for a run.

-D-

But, why is it so hard to appropriately conduct in everyday life? Am I the only one that has these thoughts?

Mobile Minutes: Body Parts & Whatnot


I don’t understand how over the years I’ve been labeled as the crazy one…

I’m not playing video games in my late 20’s while my wife cleans.
I’m not living in my parents house.
I’m not wearing skinny jeans.
I’m not declaring to have an internal gender identity separate from the external gender.
I don’t own a confederate flag. No, the south will not rise again.
I don’t own a rainbow flag.
I don’t wave signs that suggest, “God hates fags.”
I have a job.
I survived off minimum wage.
I can’t stand Fox News or CNN.
I have had heartfelt conversations with Muslim’s, Hindu’s, people of different races, people with disabilities, people who are gay, and people who are straight. We all found ways to smile while talking and listening to one another.
I’ve voted for Republicans and Democrats; neither instance did I smell sulfur.
I believe in God.

How am I the crazy one?

-D-

XXXI: For The Ladies


This is for the ladies…

To pull an old adage from church camp, “This has been something that’s been on my heart”. It has been for some time, but I’ve been hesitant to say anything about it due to the multiple based and biased opinions that could resonate with the thoughts that I have been thinking over the time. Continue reading

XXXI: #Sike15 Part VI


You know those days where your head is so congested that every time you stand you get a taste of what vertigo is all about?

Exactly.

This random cold, probably obtained through exhaustion, has kept me seated most of the day. I’ve gotten up long enough to get coffee, prepare dinner, and move some dirty clothes around. That’s about it. My day has been ended, so I’ve spent the remainder of it on the couch working on messages and emails from the previous week.

Mission accomplished.

Those were the words pacing through my brain as the paved lanes passed before me heading back into the comforts of my home last night. As stated in earlier messages during the recent mission trip, I had high hopes of rekindling my love with the thing that hurt the most in spiritual warfare, damage, etc…being mission minded and having fun. Continue reading

XXXI: Scarlet


i’d make the rough assumption that many protestant churches, at least once a year, cover the topic of adultery; as illustrated throughout the Bible. Namely, most notable in the Old Testament with the Ten Commandments, and along with the ammunition that is frequently utilized (and used for overkill) when tackling divorce, homosexuality, and everything else that a church member isn’t “guilty” of out the New Testament.

Am I close?

Pardon the rough tongue-in-cheek exasperation of thought, but last Sunday our church also did our yearly uncomfortable deed of covering the same topic. I knew it was coming, and I had hoped that something would come up that Sunday that would prevent me from arriving at church during the sermon. I’m only being honest with thought. Continue reading

XXXI: Chaos Theory


Humans are officially one of the biggest, hottest messes to exist this side of the galaxy. This is what I’ve come to believe over the past week; namely taking cue from my own social existence.

It amazes me how drawn we are to conflict and chaos. Life can be peachy, we could be in a ‘honeymoon’ phase of reality, yet we’re not satisfied until we find a problem that needs a solution. Does anyone else understand what I’m referring to? Continue reading