Rose Colored Reality

I am not starving to death.
My home is still in one piece.
I can worship where I want.
I can dine where I please.

Recent weeks and months have changed, so slightly, the landscape of my own life. Nothing traumatic, dangerous, or depressing; just change. The world is slightly more united, the world is slightly more volatile.

Piece by piece my reality starts to crumble.

I have slept through two nights without waking up once. While this calls for a moment of joy, it also calls for a moment of concern. What could be going on within one’s life that would cause them to sleep with such ease?


Unknowingly of course.

It started with my wife being curious about the current political landscape. It then continued into a united school building divided by legalistic opinions. It was added to from the fears of my students, and it was nearly finished off with stress outside of a rather grim world.

My students are my single ray of hope on a daily basis.

I have not had stress like this for years. Daily I have a headache as I head home from work, by 9:00 PM I tend to be ready to sleep, and 6:00 AM turns into 6:30 AM almost instantaneous. People are mean, whispers are used as murder tools, and the landscape of the reality I call home changes with each passing day.

If I complain out loud; I’m merely complaining about my status as ‘some white guy in America’, if I keep it to myself my heart just aches that much more.

I guess, summed up, put simple….even in my own chaotic mind. When looking at life in general…

I am not having fun anymore.


Mobile Minutes: Disturbed Scars

Ever have a scar that begins to ache (weather change, too cold, etc…)?

Tonight I was digitally encouraged by Darco to begin a daily devotion (seven days) on marriage and commitment.

“No big deal”, I thought as I accessed the piece. First came scripture talking about one man and one woman equalling one flesh together.

“I got this”, I thought as I cruised through the plan. I accidentally got our of the application on my phone, so without thought I started digging for the plan again. When I had landed on the right page I saw a plan above the one I was working on…

Marriage: Infidelity Crisis

That’s all it took.

I logged out as fast as I could.

My mind was smacked with memories and moments from four years ago, nearly to the date when my wife-at-the-time attempted to go to marital counseling without informing me. I still remember the shaking legs, elevated heartbeat, wanting to be at my parents house while realizing I was trapped at her family’s house. I remember my brain being fuzzy, ears ringing, and a lump in my throat.

All of that, rushing back, from a stupid title.

My scars still ache.


Mobile Minutes: Peacocks

Why is it that the male peacock flares out its plumes?

We were discussing adaptation in my last day of lecture in science today. Learning that species either adapt to survive…or die. It was during this class, third hour specifically, that a student raised their hand with a response. Continue reading

Mobile Minutes: Morning of Mourning

I woke up to a very tragic text this morning. A young woman (24) was killed in a car accident last night.

Sadly, she was a competitor against me in speech/debate in high school, my prom date, and even my girlfriend for a period of time.

Not really how I expected my morning to start, but…without sounding too “church-y”, I would at least ask to keep her family in your prayers.

Death is never easy on anyone.

Let Tuesday begin…


Mobile Minutes: Humble Pie

A few minutes here to type before heading over to watch USA take on Japan at the local eatery in downtown Kansas City…

Earlier today I posted how I was in a lousy mood, I didn’t feel well, and I was just angry.

Well, I still feel absolutely awful. Like all humans, I don’t handle lack of sleep well, at all.

However, while I was in one of my stores, a young lady walked up to me, little daughter running next to her. She asked if I was the manager of the store, of course I said, “No.” because I never enjoy being in that title [and it wasn’t true]. I explained my position and she told me that her car got towed [we’re in downtown, meter maids are evil here], her phone was broken, and she needed to call her dad.

A bit of a brief background on this woman:

About my age, single mother, has a full time, mobile cleaning job [offices, etc…]. While she was quick to confess that her parking wasn’t wise, she couldn’t use her phone because the face was broken [iPhone, go figure]. She was curious if I could permit her to use the telephone in the store.

I had my phone and my company phone sitting on the table. Honestly, how can you deny someone the use of a phone if you’ve got two in front of you? I just handed her my phone and told her to go make her call. She proceeded to make this call in front of me [demonstrating trust I’m assuming], and while typing on my evaluation I couldn’t help but hear her talk/yell at her father.

Behind the words were tears, and behind the tears was fear, and behind the fear was a little girl who had just lost her way.

I say that for the confession of the selfish I had earlier this morning. This isn’t one of those, “God showed me that others have it worse” deal, it was a “Remember when you needed a phone call?” moment.

I still feel dead awful, I’m sleeping forever tonight. However, I think I’ll sleep a bit better. Knowing that I did the right thing, but more importantly because God was quick to calm the soul and remind me that I’m never mightier then anyone else I come across.


Mobile Minutes: Breaking Point

I know, I’m just in a foul mood this evening. I’m tired and just battling a lot of stuff, but I’m going to say this [and regret it later].

When an individual walks up to me and says, “How was work?”, and I reply with, “Which work? Subway or the Shock?” Please, resist the urge to say the following, “You know, the real job, the one where actual money is involved.”

I put up with enough of that when I lived down south, “Oh, you write about soccer? How’s that a job? It doesn’t pay anything.” I heard that from enough ex-family members. Now, I have a registered LLC, which means by the standards of the state I live in, I am a sole proprietor; I have the documents, the state seal, the bank account, what more do people want? Am I ever going to good enough for anyone that may be related to me to look at me and just say, “Wow. I’m impressed!”

Must be asking too much.