XO: Nehemiah Fest


It feels good to be in comfortable skin again.

Once upon a time, many, many years ago my favorite time of the year was the summer. It wasn’t due to school being out, pool parties, or even family vacations. As cheesy as the notion sounds, it all revolved around two events: church camp and mission trips. Continue reading


X: 3:41

3:41 of sinful delight running through my Yurbuds this evening. Deep beats, smooth undertones, and two sensational singers that I’ve listened to for…well…years.

OK, cast stones if you may, but the song I’m listening to at the moment is “Baby I Love You” J. Lo ft. R. Kelly [old school]. It’s not the most tasteful song to listen to, nor is it the most popular in my albums, but there is something sensational about this song. Perhaps it is the bass that tantalizes my eardrums, maybe the voice with such diction and power that eases my nerves, perhaps it is just the memory of this song that sets my mind in neutral and just lets me coast down the road or the evening…

I was a first semester freshman at Southwest Baptist University, it was fall, but prior to basketball season. I was new to college, single, and trying to figure out what on earth I was doing at SBU. I had made a few friends during our ‘Welcome Week’ for freshman, both girls who would end up playing basketball for the university, and would also ensure that I would be dragged to church on Sunday’s. One was from Minnesota, the other from Maryland. I had no friends and they were miles away from home.

The individual from Maryland always had this song playing, it was on her ‘mix CD’ [I told you old school], and I always heard it in their apartment. It was so foreign to me. Prior to college I was just the kid from the sticks that spazzed at the concept of driving into Kansas City. In other words: I didn’t get out, and I had no idea of culture outside of my own microscopic niche.

This kid made me a ‘mix CD’ of all sorts of things that she listened to, reminding her of home, and getting through the quiet nights of being a freshman in a foreign world. In many ways we were not so different [and in many ways we were totally different]. However, as the fall turned into winter I nearly killed that CD from use in my player that was hooked up via cassette tape adapter in my ’87 Grand Marquis [yes, I drove a tank to school]. Back home, people were concerned about the music, but those tones got me from building to building along that cold, quiet campus. In January I returned to school for a small term that lasted three weeks. Each night, after chugging through sweet tea [the beginning of that horrible addiction, broken I’m proud to say], I’d listen to that file that I had uploaded onto my PC [yes, PC].

My friends moved away after that year, I got into a three year relationship that ended in flames, and life took the path that it is currently on [sort of]. Those two kids got married, one has her own kid, and the other…well…I went to Maryland in January for a reason.

However, CD’s have passed by, the Grand Marquis got sold for $400 dollars, and college flew through. The song got uploaded, deleted, corrupted, downloaded, and digitally enhanced. It’s been heard in comfy, blue benches in a tank, through a CD player stuffed in a winter coat in the death of January, in an empty apartment during the sweltering months of July, and right now it stands at 2:21.

Truth be told, thought I was gone for the past three days for business up north and out east; I’m exhausted. I’m financially and mentally stressed. The Kansas City Shock has had some huge moments this week, and even some bigger things coming up this weekend and in the upcoming months. The mission trip is funded, but financially I took a serious hit from it. Praise God I’m able to cover the bills, but it’s going to be so close, and require some much needed self-discipline [in related news I got a free drink coupon from Starbucks in the mail]. It’s going to delay moving just a bit, but I think I can see the light. Regardless though, many things of multiple sources have been riding on my back substantially lately, and while I’d love to take off to some other state; I’m needed and required to be here, and it looks like the next time I will be ‘heading out’ will be next month to Guatemala. A whole separate issue.

So, until I can take a deep breath, escape, and take ‘some time’ [like in late July], it’s going to be memories of happy moments, and making excuses for being thankful for this journey…even the bumps along the way.


Mobile Minutes: Breaking Point

I know, I’m just in a foul mood this evening. I’m tired and just battling a lot of stuff, but I’m going to say this [and regret it later].

When an individual walks up to me and says, “How was work?”, and I reply with, “Which work? Subway or the Shock?” Please, resist the urge to say the following, “You know, the real job, the one where actual money is involved.”

I put up with enough of that when I lived down south, “Oh, you write about soccer? How’s that a job? It doesn’t pay anything.” I heard that from enough ex-family members. Now, I have a registered LLC, which means by the standards of the state I live in, I am a sole proprietor; I have the documents, the state seal, the bank account, what more do people want? Am I ever going to good enough for anyone that may be related to me to look at me and just say, “Wow. I’m impressed!”

Must be asking too much.



Psalms 118:24
“This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”

As a young child, absolute FAVORITE song to sing on Sunday’s (closest thing to a fast song you could find in that church). It is amazing how in tough times we frequently find ourselves going deep into our memories to find our own joy to hang onto.