Mobile Minutes: Blurs


Awesome road trip.
Crazy two day teaching workshop.
Seasonal cold.
Running.

My week summed up so far. It’s been exhausting, exhilarating, and energetic.

In the midst of all of that, I lost my car keys this morning, resulting in Jim lending me a car to work and back. Also, our apartment complex has decided to do random “yearly inspections” this week.

There’s more NyQuil and coffee in my veins than there is blood…

And I’m loving it all.
Loving this life.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Held Out


I could feel it earlier this week. It started with a few sneezes and a restless night. My only prayer was that my body would hold out until Christmas Break.

It did…and that was it.

3:00 PM and I’m heading to bed. The cold has finally caught up with me, and now is a great time to recover.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Can’t Stop


I’ve been in the teacher’s shoes now. Being sick (cold), and still needing to be in class. I’m on my third week of class at a local middle school. I’ve been running off a diet of Day-Quil with a side of Ny-Quil. It’s working, but by night time I’m spent (I’m falling asleep while typing this).

Friday is my last day in my current position (unless told otherwise). I’m already becoming sad at the notion of having to move on, and back to bouncing around as a sub.

image

Free time: Making selfie signs...

Sure, some folks say, “Be prepared to stay”, but sadly…I’m not really a qualified teacher, at all. There’s no real reason why a district would want to keep me versus starving post-college educators that are desperate. Just my two cents. It makes me sad. I love what I’m doing, but the truth is what I offer isn’t necessarily enough. Yes, I pray that a miracle occurs, but I also fight to keep my heart safe. When it comes to employment I’m tired of not being good enough.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Coherent


This is my only chance to type between doses of NyQuil. I couldn’t figure out if I was messing with allergies or a seasonal cold last night…until I went to get in bed.

With the apartment sitting at 70℉, I was uncontrollably shaking under a multitude of blankets. In other words, I’m sick.

It’s around 3:00 PM currently and I’m just now waking up. Darco went to go grab more fluids, and I’m stuck in bed for the day.

It seems like a light variant of the flu, so at this point I’d suspect I’ll be able to go again tomorrow morning, probably with some assistance from DayQuil.

Interestingly enough, I’ve had this seasonal cold twice this year, both during the two hottest weeks in the year.

Weird.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Night Night


Yeah…it’s that bad…

I was sitting at lunch today with MC, Darco, and Jim; coat pulled up, shivering, waiting for our soup and salad from Olive Garden.

Jim and MC, being my parents, knew what these were signs of:

You need rest. Every time we see red around your eyes, we know you’re overworked and you need rest.

Believe me; I wanted to argue with them, but they’re right.

I’m exhausted.

From Blanc last night, three meetings during the week, a snow storm that I had to drive through, getting work done for the week, finalizing the tryout format for the Shock for next week…I just want to confess that I’m tired. I’m so tired that I’m sad. Seriously.

I was driving between my stores tonight, just talking to God in the car [why not?], and I just kept saying, “I’m sorry”, because so frequently I feel like I’ve disappointed Him, or let Him down.

If I was a stronger Christian I would be able to keep going on little sleep, if my faith was stronger, I wouldn’t get worn down so easily. When the reality is; I’m really worn down. Getting a soccer team and business off up the ground is a challenge in itself; factor in another team being established in the same city as yours, only supported by the US Soccer Federation…that’s a chore to deal with.

I hope I’ve handled it well.

These are the moments where being the small fish in the ocean [versus big fish in the little pond] can get overwhelming. I told my Sunday School class at MoVal today my exact thoughts:

In any other case, there is no rhyme or reason for why our business continues to grow. We should not have been successful.

The harsh reality is; we shouldn’t. Not in this economy, not in this city, and most definitely not by being created on Twitter first. Every move that has been made has made little sense, but it’s been the right more. Again, my goal for this program hasn’t changed; I want people to look back at our program and simple think:

There was obviously someone bigger behind the creation and success of this program.

I hope credit doesn’t go my way, because believe me; I don’t deserve it.

*first yawn from the Ny-Quil*

Either way, I’ve come home for the night; I’m completely wiped. I’ve taken some Ny-Quil, finished up early, and now the yawns are starting to set in. I plan on sleeping soundly through the night, and well into the morning.

When I fall asleep; I do so continuing to believe that God has this, He has this, and I just need to trust…

-D-

X: Overdose


I’m sick.

This is a true fact.

I’ve been sick most of the week, including a two day, 500 mile road trip for work. I, by accident, overdosed on DayQuil, and have been twitching most of the day. Blowing my nose like crazy, and no NyQuil due to its harsh reactions with my body.

I’m a mess.

Really what it amounts to, is due to the lack of break from December to January, the stress of the corporate inspector coming this month, and just being sick. I feel lousy. I stepped into the house, MC took one glance and said, “Go to bed.” I stepped into Starbucks and the barista said, “You look terrible.” I’m assuming that it is rather notable that I do not feel 100%. I plan on taking tomorrow and sleeping as if there is no tomorrow, and doing a little bit of work. Primarily though, I just need some serious, real rest.

Rest.

What is rest? It’s this delicate balance of knowing when enough is enough, and being able to push on. I think I have the fear of being idle that stemmed from a result of two instances:

  1. From the waning days of my marriage, hearing my former in-law’s consistently speak to me about how I wasn’t working hard enough to find a job, and of course that age old quote, “You know…the Bible says if you don’t work you don’t eat.” Well, guess what? I bust mine every single day so that I never have to fear hearing that from the mouth of any person for the rest of my life.
  2. A few Sunday’s ago at MoVal, it was discussed the role of a Godly man. The pastor made a very good comment of stating that the men used in the Bible, none of them were seen as idle or lazy. Well…I want to be used by God? I think it would be wise to follow suit of the comparison of the men of the Bible. I think they were on to something.

I started this post on 01/13/2012. It’s now 01/16/2012, and while I’m still not feeling 100%, I’m actually ‘living’ and breathing [for the most part]. I’m still a bit feverish, and I’ve been yawning like you wouldn’t believe. However, I’ve been at work [safely, I might add], and when I’m home I’ve been working my tale off as well; ensuring all the e-mail communication side of my job is met as well.

I’m just really sure where I was going with this post, of course I’m claiming the fever made me do this. Perhaps it’s my testament or the evidence that I believe is required to be subjected to my peers to judge. I do believe a strong section of this ‘passionate’ post is just reflecting on the hurt and anger that was demonstrating within my own veins by flat out being told, “You’re not doing enough.”

Don’t you ever tell me 93 teaching applications and three interviews isn’t ‘enough’.

…there is still some bitterness I’m working out…

*Pours another glass of orange juice*

I’m working. I’m getting well. May my life continue to be merely a living example of a spiritual overdose.

-D-