There are just times in life where one has to let go…
We can’t hold onto the dying.
We can’t wish something unreal into existence.
We can’t always reignite that fire.
We can’t always repair love.
I think back to the winter of 2007. I had been with a girl for nearly two years. She blew my mind, like any young adult I was convinced that she was ‘it’. During Thanksgiving she ended it with me through a text message…my first college romance…gone.
I spent the next weeks in panic, I had never been dumped before. I tried to win her back, tried to do roses, anything…she just wanted to to be left alone, and wanted away from me. By January I had started to try to find ways to get ‘our memories’ out of my head, boxed up photos, returned random items, took back certain clothes, and tried to start over. However, when you have college classes with your ex-girlfriend for two more years in college.
I tried to purge her from my mind, but never succeeded, even to this day random memories still cross my eyes when the stars are right, or when the sun is shining.
Fast forward to the present day. The ‘purge’ [yes, I’m sure it isn’t healthy], is almost completed. I don’t miss KJ, I feel bad for her, I hope she is safe and enjoying life, but I don’t miss her. Even our memories I don’t miss. Sure, there were good ones, but so many of them were heartbreaking.
I think that starting over should include this concept of purging [though the word does associate rather negative thoughts]. I’m not saying that we force ourselves to forget about the past, but at the same time we shouldn’t spend life crying in our closets dwelling on what was. I’m not going to. I learned my lesson in ’07, as many people, such as Jo told me back then. We need to highlight the highlights, and forget the low lights. We acknowledge our growth from our pain, but then…we choose to move on.
When July 1st hit, I chose to move on.
August 1st hit, I had moved on.
September 1st is coming. I have moved on.
I know many have voiced concern about me ‘moving on’ too quickly, that I’m not taking things seriously enough, that I don’t understand the magnitude of what is taking place. I would like to clarify a few things in my half-sleeping state of mind:
- I acknowledge that in many ways I now wear a label, stating who I’ve become
- I understand that I’m a statistic of a growing fad
- I know that I can’t become a deacon in most churches [after seeing most churches, I wouldn’t want to be regardless]
- I can hear the voices of the locals whispering their disappointment [maybe that was only in July]
- I also realize that regardless of what the masses think, there is still one who loves me, no matter what
And that is all that matters now…