Mobile Minutes: Small Victories


Truth: Teaching terrifies me. 

That is one thing that hasn’t changed through all the time of these past couple years. Failure, mistakes, errors, missteps, etc…all the things I encourage my students to experience daily, is professionally what I fear the most. Ironic, yes?
These past few weeks have been laced with errors. One thing after another, I racked up an impressive list of miscues in the world of academia.

This is why I’m grateful for small victories. These last ten weeks I’ve experimented with developing a debate program at our middle school. I firmly believe competition exists outside of courts, gyms, and fields. By God’s grace I wound up with 23 sixth to eighth grade students on a roster for this past quarter. It has been an amazing experience. The students, personally, grew faster in content and comprehension then I had originally predicted. 

I took some of the data from these past weeks and sent it to our high school debate coach to analyze and review.

They were impressed. These middle school students impressed the high school coach! The coach offered to share their teams source material for construction of debates, asking how their students could interact with mine in the spring semester, and just overall gave a tone of excitement.

After a recent rough streak; this was such a blessing to receive. 

-D-

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Mobile Minutes: Stalling


I’m stalling…
I gave into my antisocial desire to avoid people this evening. First step is to admit the issue. The second is dealing with the frustration of the letdown.

Tonight, after school, I was to join a running group to work on speed sessions. Completely voluntary, open to the public. I’d been talking on social media, asking questions about tempo runs, time improvement, etc…it was something that would go well with what I’m looking for.

At 4:30 PM a severe thunderstorm watch was issued for the area. The track for this speed session was an hour south into the city. I wasn’t sure of the weather, so…I stayed home.

Now, I’m going through the guilt. I didn’t want to go because I’m slow. I’m not a fit, attractive runner. I’m awkward when I move, and my mind easily moves faster compared to my body. I am afraid. It’s so frustrating. My mind says, “Go make new friends. Go run.” My body just freezes, my stomach starts to churn, and I talk myself out of the event.

I’m an adult right? I can make my own decisions, and I can do as I please. Yes?

No.

Maybe it’s the growing older process; I just can’t get over how much I truly struggle being around people. Not just people I know, but those I don’t. It’s embarrassing to have a complex similar to that of a teenager. Nothing makes sense. Common understanding is that it’s healthy to be around other people, it’s a cultural and societal drive.

I’m going to keep trying. I’ll get it right, it’s just going to take some time.

For now though, I think I’ll just go for a run.

-D-

But, why is it so hard to appropriately conduct in everyday life? Am I the only one that has these thoughts?

Mobile Minutes: Human After All


I’m trying to remember back to the last time I spent three hours in a workout of some sorts. I’m thinking 2006 was probably the last time, I was the true gym rat at college. Primarily because the girl I was dating at the time was on the volleyball team, and I wanted to attempt to be as fit as she was (not even close).
After being sick, after dealing with the heat, and after even absorbing the defeat in the work force, today was the first time our that I wasn’t dying by the third lap on the track. I spent two hours on the track, and an hour in the gym. I ran a few miles, sprinted a few times, and pushed my body hard…but not to the point of complete failure.
It felt nice. I felt human, and this time it was in a good way. The sweat and heartbeat felt purifying, as if I was mentally shedding off the past two weeks of struggles. Feeling new muscles working as I keep improving my stride allows me to see a new season of life.
A strong run is the perfect way to recalibrate life after it has gotten a bit off track.

-D-

Mobile Minutes: Nowhere Fast


One thing I’m learning about July 4th is that while it is a national holiday it isn’t necessarily received as a national holiday by area businesses. So when I woke up this morning I had a email inside my gmail account and it was about the potential job interview application thing that I had gone through for a soccer club up north in a large city. And what I learned from that today was that the individual that I didn’t reviewed with had told me that while my credentials for impressive an outstanding like every other business out there. Unfortunately I was not the candidate for hiring so that means back to the drawing board on employment I can say this is not necessarily how I wanted to start my July 4th but it means that I just need to keep trying and following where I believe God is leading me. I can’t say that I’m not slightly upset because it is unfortunate however obviously God has a bigger plan that I can’t see and that I need to be able to accept. So for today my fiance will be home from work here in about an hour she’s going to rest since she’s been at work since 430 this morning. Afterwards we will be heading into the countryside for some food and fireworks with some business friends. I hope it is relaxing and enjoyable and that’s it just kind of takes a little bit of pressure off of life at the moment.

so here is the cool thing about this post. I’ve actually made the entire post by using Google Talk and not using the keypad on my phone at all. there are a few mistakes and I have had to use the delete button a couple times but overall pretty easy.

-D-

X: Darker Days


First and foremost we must recognize an awesome accomplishment.

WE’RE OVER 4000 VIEWS! While many sites wouldn’t think a thing about that; understanding the unique setting of this page causes 4,000 in four months to look pretty nice. Thank you so much to each and every one of you that brave the unknown and venture over here on a weekly and daily basis.

Here’s to the next 1,000!

Now, onto the meaning of the title.

For the most part I’ve given hint to living a rather enjoyable life within these past few months.  Aside from a random visit from the county sheriff, life is tranquil in this section of my life.

Most of the time that is true. However, I’ve come to realize that when I get plenty of free time; that’s when the nightmarish gloves come of. As it was said in several posts, towards the end of the month I find myself with several days that I’m not working inside stores, not traveling, and just trying to catch my breath.

Unfortunately, it is those days that I started reflecting on the past, dreaming of the future, and feel the old wounds along my heart begin to burn.

“…you can’t run away from everything…”

-MC-

Some days it is painful to admit that parents are right, and this is one of those cases. I was so plagued by the problems of this weekend [primarily in my head], that I almost hopped in my car and drove to Colorado; just to try to sense a concept of escape.

The problems you ask?

A quick run through…

  • Jealousy: Jo, I learned, will be heading to South America for six months for volunteer work. While I cherish the fact that my best friend is going to do great things; I’m selfishly sad that I won’t communicate with her for six month, and also jealous that I won’t be there as well.
  • Anger: Listening to some gentlemen in my car this weekend talking of their ‘sex-capades’  over the past months. When learning that one of them wishes to become a youth pastor…ugh…frustration was overwhelming.
  • Lust: To tack on to the above statement of anger. Hearing these stories made the thought cross my mind of what it would be like to have one night stands, randomly date people, etc…Things I definitely know is wrong in every way, shape, and form.
  • Pride: Taking pity on myself that I’m isolated in where I live, and I keep to myself instead of going out and having fun [whatever that may be]. We are pretty sure that I’m the only 20 something-year-old that lives in this town of 1,399 people.
  • Fear: Seeing my family, being afraid that I’m seen through their eyes as a failure and a disappointment.
It was a rough weekend. I can tack it up as falling into temptation, demonstrating a lack of faith, and just being rotten to be around most of the few days.
There was no ‘grand revelation’ to correct these thoughts, there wasn’t some ‘silver lining’, it was just waking up today at 5:00am [not on purpose], and just asking God to just take the pain away. I like being happy, being around friends, and not being so lame as portrayed these past few days.
We must recognize that this is sadly realistic, and I am not the only one to fall into this trap. Part of this does have to do with the continuing recovery process. As much as I try to deny it, when my ex-wife said that I wasn’t worth it. It was deadly painful. So painful that it hurts today as much as it hurt then. It makes part of myself very delicate as I try to heal.
Healing doesn’t just take place over night, as everyone knows, it takes time. Sometimes I even have to recognize that I need time. This is one reason that I’m not out looking for a date, back into a relationship, anything…because even know I crave it, desire it, want it; I know that emotionally and very much spiritually I am not in the proper place to take those kind of steps [yes, it took me 24 years to figure that out].
So, my work ‘month’ begins tomorrow, and with it comes new challenges, and November is looking to be a busy month for my personal life.
I’m take a deep breath.
Counting my blessings.
And proceeding forward, with these images, these moments from last weekend, behind me. Acknowledging that God knows I screwed up. God loves me.
In the end, that’s all that matters.
-D-